Episode Report Card Wing Chun: D | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Mars Attacks
By Wing Chun | Season 7 | Episode 3 | Aired on 10.25.2000
Lisa gives the Japanese businessmen compazine shots in their asses.
Carter treats a very cute little boy -- in fact, to me he looks exactly like Neil Patrick Harris did circa Clara's Heart -- who uses a wheelchair; he's the one with the possible urinary-tract infection. Carter asks L'il Doogie how he became paralyzed, and L'il Doogie tells him he was hit by a car while riding a bike, and PSAs that he would have been killed if he hadn't been wearing a helmet. Carter distractedly tells him that he's lucky, and L'il Doogie says he didn't used to think so, but that he's since seen kids worse off than he is, in various hospitals. Carter asks L'il Doogie whether it burns when he urinates, and L'il Doogie patiently reminds him that he has no feeling below the waist (and, through a Herculean exhibition of restraint, L'il Doogie delivers said explanation without using the word "duh"), and that he feels pressure in his stomach when his bladder's full, alerting him to catheterize himself: "Lately I've been having to do it more [than usual], which is usually a sign I have an infection." Checking L'il Doogie's ears, Carter expresses surprise that he catheterizes himself, and L'il Doogie says that his grandmother used to help him, but she died in February. Carter asks who takes care of L'il Doogie now, and L'il Doogie says he lives in a retirement home: "It used to be me and my grandmother, and, you know, now it's just me. I know that sounds really lame, but it's right across the street from my school, and some of the old folks don't get a lot of visits from their family [sic], so they like having me around." This is the cheeriest child in creation. He's almost otherworldly. When my great-grandmother lived in a retirement home I never wanted to visit her, ever, because I thought her retirement community had a weird odour. I used to whine whenever a special occasion required that we go. And I was in high school. I'm not proud, okay? Fortunately for me, both my parents are only in their forties, so by the time they get really old, I'll be old, too. And then we can band together and make my sister uncomfortable about visiting us. We can rehearse boring stories ahead of time and offer her nothing but Ribena to drink. Heh heh heh. Anyway, Carter remarks that L'il Doogie's living in the retirement home must be rather like having twenty grandparents, and wise-beyond-his-years L'il Doogie chuckles that he guesses it is. Carter tells L'il Doogie that he'll need antibiotics, and that a nurse will appear at some point to collect a urine sample. L'il Doogie quickly offers to do it himself, since he's used to "doing stuff like that" himself. Carter repeats that he'll have a nurse help him. L'il Doogie nods.