Episode Report Card Erin: D+ | 1 USERS: B- YOU GRADE IT Whirligig of Death and Destruction
By Erin | Season 4 | Episode 11 | Aired on 03.15.2005
Shipping Yards of Not Scary Mini-Choppers. Syd and Sam are watching as a couple of thugs wheel the world's tiniest assault chopper into a storage area. It's about as big as my Calphalon wok, dudes. Sam's all, uh, what's that? Syd's all, the dumbest weapon ever. Sam's all, little small, isn't it? Syd's all, tell me about it. She surmises that the biometric targeting system is inside the World's Tiniest Assault Chopper. She tries to make it sound threatening and yammers something about how, once it locks onto its target, there's no stopping it, but…IT'S THE WORLD'S TINIEST ASSAULT CHOPPER. There's just…there's no way to make it threatening. At all.
Syd looks at a van that's parked near them and asks if Sam can handle driving it. He's all, sure. I can drive a van. I can also use a pencil so, like, YOU GOT ANY OF THOSE AROUND? Syd wants him to drive the van into the warehouse in three minutes and pick her up right after she's nabbed the weapon. Sam reluctantly agrees and gets into the van as Syd heads into the warehouse. She sneaks around, grabs a lead pipe, walks up behind one of the thugs, and clocks him. She gets his gun as Sam finds the van key stuck in the visor. He pep talks himself into doing the job. Back inside, Syd goes to get the weapon and…it automatically targets her for ABSOLUTELY NO REASON WHATSOEVER. I'm not kidding. The thug had been standing right in front of the weapon not seconds before, so why didn't it target him? And Sasha has no idea who Sydney is, I don't think, so why would he make this weapon only to target her? This means that the weapon was just, like, ON, or whatever and whomever stooped down in front of it was going to be its first target? THE HELL?
Oh, for fuck's sake, I don't care. Sam peels into the warehouse, alerting Swarthy Dude to his presence. Syd opens the passenger door and hands Sam her gun. She goes to grab the chopper weapon because…I don't know why. Swarthy Dude sees this and programs the weapon to attack and before Syd can pick it up, it starts to shoot at her. Like, why didn't she just bash the thing to bits with her handy lead pipe? IT'S SMALLER THAN HER. I mean…what? So, like, Syd then…runs off to be chased around the warehouse by the Cute Li'l Copter of Chaos. I shit you not. Whirly, whirly, whirly. Shooty, shooty, shooty. Not scary, not scary, not scary. This scene sucks. I like the music, though. Kasabian rocks.
Swarthy Dude goes to the van to see who's inside and Sam hides away with the gun. Swarthy Dude heads deeper into the warehouse to see what the hell is going on and Sam pops out to shoot at everything EXCEPT Swarthy Dude. Syd watches all this from a hiding place that apparently is invisible to the Whirligig of Doom. Swarthy Dude just turns and shoots Sam in the arm. Syd leaps out and tackles him, the Chopper of Cute comes around the corner, targets Syd again, she whips around, and the Spinning Top of Death and Destruction shoots Swarthy Guy instead of Syd because…it thinks Swarthy Guy is her, obviously. Sam's fine, by the way. And he thinks they saved the world. FROM A TOY. I just…yeah. On first viewing, this whole scene was kind of funny. Now it's just…I need more coffee. And a GUN. And not a TOY GUN, either.