Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Eli's no poet. He doesn't know it.
By Heathen | Season 2 | Episode 3 | Aired on 11.13.2000
The doorbell rings. It's Rick. "I...am...your singing telegram," he croons. Professor Plum shoots him and slams the door. Or, some viewers saw Rick drop off a French textbook that Jessie left in his car. Crackling dialogue ensues: "I thought she'd need it." "Yeah, she probably does." "Yeah." Fire up the Emmy™ reel. Karen chases after the beeping oven, and Rick compliments her sensible new stove. He then jumps right onto the SAT -- no, not the Scalding Ass Thermometer, but the test Eli took. Remember? Yeah, I do, too, unfortunately. Karen says that the test went well, and Rick asks about the math. Karen says she didn't want to interrogate Eli, which is a blatant lie because she also asked about the math portion. They're apparently concerned about Eli's ability to add, especially because he only has ten fingers. "I didn't interrogate. I just don't think we should go easy on him," Rick says. The band strikes up again as Karen praises Eli's summer-long dedication to cramming for the test. Rick agrees, but frets that Eli hasn't filled out a single college application, or even really weighed his options. That pesky glass drops off the table before Karen can catch it, shattering on the linoleum. Karen, telling Rick to chat with Eli, picks up the broken shards of glass with her bare hands. Not very practical, there, Karen -- but I suppose, even if she does get cut, her veins are far too sensible to bleed all over the place. Rick rubs his cheek. "I can go from shaggy to smooth in Mach 3," he thinks, telegraphing to Gillette his readiness for a massive endorsement contract.
The band is loud. That's about all I can say -- from the sound, I haven't yet detected any traces of influence from Knapsack's early years, but I'd say Eli's earlier "pop chaos" classification aptly describes what we're hearing. Jessie is fleeing upstairs for no reason other than to encounter Rick on the stairs and whisper, "Leo's here." Like the mature role model he is, Leo has ganked one of the guitars and started jamming with Coop and Eli. "So you want to be Clapton, or what?" he asks one of them. Rick greets them awkwardly and motions for Eli to talk with him. He asks about the SAT, and Eli repeats that it went "fine." Rick presses the issue. Does Eli feel good about it? Did he put a rush on the scores? Eli is hating this conversation, being just as vague with his answers as he was with Karen. Rick doesn't notice. "I was thinking you should make an appointment with the college counselor at your school," Rick says excitedly. Eli looks horrified. Right then, the piercing shriek of amp feedback rips through the conversation and gives Eli an excuse to quit the discussion in favor of tending to his band. Jessie returns and Leo gives back the guitar, offering the helpful advice, "Stay back on the beat." Shut up, Leo. This guy couldn't be hip even if God actually transformed him into a hip.