Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Eli's no poet. He doesn't know it.
By Heathen | Season 2 | Episode 3 | Aired on 11.13.2000
Jennifer perches daintily on the couch, facing Eli, who's sitting on the table strumming his guitar. They joke warmly about his song. "It was cute," she giggles. "Or, maybe I just think you're cute." Kimberly McCullough then goes to make pancakes so that she'll have a practical use for all the syrup pouring from her mouth. Eli then shamelessly picks her brain. She offers this lyric for the song's bridge: "This light, this rain, this life, this pain." He grudgingly thinks it might work, then sings it after this line: "Torn between what I can see and this picture you have of me. It isn't much to look at, we agree..." Jennifer stares at him adoringly while he sings what she wrote. He stops and looks at her. She gazes at him again, silently offering him something saucier to strum. Jennifer is hoping he'll tear off her billowing hippie flower-shirt and make a non-practicing virgin out of her. I think Niki once termed it the "shamboogie," which is my new favorite word. Jennifer leans into Eli. "Guess it works," he says. She leans again. "Do you want a soda or something?" he asks, smoothly. Oh, Eli, stop. You do know how to woo a woman. I'm getting all tingly -- if "tingly" meant "annoyed and cold." Jennifer refuses the soda, but kisses Eli and opens his pop-top for the night. I'm gearing up for some steamy Eli scenes.
And, apparently, I will get nothing and like it. This is so unfair. Rick and Karen have been having joint aneurysms, dull ones, this whole time -- and we're denied some sweet Eli lovin'. How depressing. Next, we see Eli sitting on the floor in jeans and fondling the guitar. Jennifer, wearing nothing but a man's collared shirt, strolls in and kneels down near him. Silence. Before anything is said, Jennifer scampers into the lounge before an entering Rick can see her. Her plan of hiding in a wide-open room with no door is a brilliant one -- Rick, by turning his head a fraction of a centimeter, sees her and covers his eyes, saying, "Hello, Jennifer." She makes cheerful small-talk while she puts her pants on behind a wall, peering out just long enough so that it's obvious she's working her button-fly. I have to assume Jennifer and Eli slept together, although it makes little sense considering her reluctance last season and their eventual split. Apparently, playing the guitar, writing pseudo-deep lyrics and crooning like a hoarse and constipated Thom Yorke wannabe will right any relationship wrongs. To his credit, Eli nailed the formula. He got the rock-n-roll; that got him the sex. Next time, he's going to have a wicked smack habit. Anyway, Eli looks mortified that Rick caught them basking in afterglow. "We were looking for a quiet place to work," he offers lamely, explaining that he's still staying at Karen's that night. Jennifer cheerfully explains the song-writing they're doing, begging Eli to show Rick the results. He refuses, throws on an undershirt and prepares to flee the scene. Rick demands to know what else he might be planning for the evening. "Eat dinner, do my homework, brush my teeth and go to bed," Eli lips at Rick. "You're free to do whatever you want as soon as you act like an adult," Rick counters. Eli is angry and slams the door on the way out. Rick is confounded.