Episode Report Card Owen: D | 1 USERS: A- YOU GRADE IT Morality Bites
By Owen | Season 2 | Episode 2 | Aired on 10.06.1999
Foyer. Some woman in a blue sweater greets Piper. Wah wah rough being with your sister wah wah will pick up the little one at school wah wah take to your ex's wah wah, wah wah, wah wah. Piper: "Ex? As in husband? As in mine? Yes. If that's what I told you, yes." Heh. Blue sweater woman: "Are you and he getting along better now?" Piper: "Who the hell are you and in what part of our relationship did that become any of your business?" Actually, she says no such thing, but I wish she would have. Piper's daughter is standing right there and the woman wants to dish about the separation or divorce? Hey, blue sweater woman -- little pitcher, big ears. Instead, Piper panics and yells for Prue. Blue sweater woman and little girl start to leave. Before they leave, the little girl whispers to Piper, "Don't worry, Mommy. I'll do as you ask. I won't use my power again. Ever!" Aw. Piper's daughter is so precious I just want to pick her up by the scruff of her neck and tickle her tummy. Mother and daughter hug as treacly piano music packs the scene into heavy syrup. The little girl leaves in a "futuristic" mini-van.
A limo pulls up. Prue gets out, followed by a man and a woman who are clucking over her. While I try to find the words to describe the hideous long straight blonde wig that's wearing Prue, Janice from the Muppet Show calls -- she wants her hair back. Prue has her bitch on, and also a black leather halter top and miniskirt ensemble she tore off a male Tina Turner impersonator. She screams at the menials to stop touching her. Commanding, "Stay! Stay! Stay!" she walks up the stairs to join Piper. Piper asks what's the big. Prue says she doesn't know, but "check me out -- I could get used to this." She doesn't just work at Buckland's now -- she owns it, and "three more: Paris, Tokyo, and London." Piper, aghast, holds her hands in front of her mouth. Piper: "And you're blonde!" Owen: "With fake black roots!" Piper grabs a hunk o' wig and agrees, "Yeah. Strange." Prue adds that she woke from the spell at the auction house, and goes on about all of her assistants and huge office and "so totally hot" chauffeur. She asks how Piper "did." Piper: "Heh." They walk into the house. Prue's entourage remains frozen in fear.
Living room. Piper fills Prue in. She complains about having an "apparently failed marriage" and still living in the manor. Hey, Piper? Considering how expensive it is to live in San Francisco currently, having affordable housing there ten years from now shouldn't really be bitched about. If you're going to whine, go to town on the fitted white blouse Wardrobe gave you that makes you look so hippy. Piper tells Prue about her daughter and finds a picture of the girl. Prue asks what the kid's name is but Piper doesn't know. She adds that the girl has powers, but she told her not to use them and doesn't know why. They move on to discuss why they're inhibiting their future bodies, because when they used the "past" spell last season they remained outside of their younger selves. Prue has a tiny brainstorm: Phoebe must be inhibiting her future bod, too. Gee, ya think? Piper sees Phoebe's picture on the TV news again. The irritating disembodied TV woman voice recognizes another "pipe up" command. The report: Phoebe's less than eight hours away from execution. She was "accused" (shouldn't that be "convicted"?) of killing Cal Greene six months ago. Piper bemoans the fact that they have less time to save Phoebe than they planned. Cut to a big-haired reporter named "Sierra Stone." Heh -- some things never change. San Franciso DA Nathaniel Pratt -- as good a Puritanical villain name as any -- is Phoebe's chief accuser, and just happens to be running for governor. Sound bites -- blah blah cleansing the city blah blah warning to other witches: you're next blah blah blah. Piper and Prue blanch.