Episode Report Card Owen: D | 1 USERS: A- YOU GRADE IT Morality Bites
By Owen | Season 2 | Episode 2 | Aired on 10.06.1999
Joy cam. What the? Those kids broke into that house, didn't they?
Establishing shot of Halliwell Manor. A "futuristic" silver car drives by. Aaron Spelling really went wild on the budget for this ep, didn't he? The hard Ps enter the attic. Prue: "Oh, surprise. Here we go up the stairs. Into the attic. Grabbing the Book of Shadows. Please tell me we're still not going to be doing this in ten years?" Word, word, a thousand times word. They get to the bookstand, but the BoS is gone. Prue goes apoplectic searching for it and flings her hand, inadvertently causing a quite funny and elegant special effect: a huge pulse that propels most of the objects on one side of the room against the far wall, destroying it, and exposing the sky outside. Piper: "Been working out?" Heh. They look at the fallen bookstand, and find a key hidden on the bottom. Prue says it belongs to her safe at Buckland's. They wonder why their future selves took the BoS out of the house. As they leave the attic, an anvil falls, just missing them. Oops -- my bad, it was just a piece of ceiling.
Hobart State Penitentiary. Phoebe, in a ratty long wig and red jumpsuit. Wailing that she wants a snack. Bitching when she's handed a plate of "goo." Walking toward the front of her cell. Getting electrocuted by the dog collar around her neck. Bitching that she doesn't even get a phone call. Hearing someone yell, "Shut up, witch!" They've laid out a veritable banquet for the Phoebe-haters out there. You know who you are. Grab a fork and dig in.
The hard Ps, walking away from Piper's SUV into an urban plaza setting. Extras mill about. Piper whines about still having her old car, while Prue has a limo and driver. Prue's jealous of Piper for having a husband and a daughter. It's really hard to take Prue seriously in that "Joni Mitchell does a Vegas floor show" get-up. Some yuppie spills his latté. Piper inexplicably freaks and freezes him, everyone in the plaza, and even the birds up in the sky. Prue comments that hers isn't the only power that's grown. Leo comes out of the crowd and asks what the hell they're doing. Piper's glad to see him, but he just berates her for being "stupid" enough to use her power in public. He says they had an agreement -- "no magic for Melinda's sake." Piper comes up with two plus two equals four, times three: Melinda's her child's name, Leo's her ex, and he's also Melinda's sperm donor. A yuppie woman in a blue suit comes around the corner, observes the tableau, points at the hard Ps and screams, "Witch!" Prue wonders what's going on here. Piper notices the posters in the plaza, all featuring huge falling anvils. Okay, actually they show Pratt with the tag line "Rid the Evil. Turn in Witches." Leo tells the Ps they need to get out of there, because "they'll be after us." I'm all primed for a crazy car chase through the steep hilly streets of San Francisco featuring spaceship cars, witchcraft, and laser guns, but I guess Aaron was still resting his check-writing hand.
Hobart Pen. Pratt and Phoebe work out their animosity toward one another. All I get out of it is the knowledge that men will be wearing ugly six-button suits at the end of the next decade.