Not! Hill. Halliwell Manor. Day. Piper "Freeze-N-Tease" Halliwell enters the kitchen schlepping groceries all by herself. Phoebe "Samanthuh" Halliwell and Prue "Rhymes With Bitch" Halliwell stand there gaping, not lifting a finger to help. Phoebe immediately makes a stink face and holds her hand in front of her nose while waving it around, exclaiming, "Whoa! What did you buy?" Piper: "Doody!" No, I'm not making this up. This is what she actually said. Then she takes off her shoe and holds it up to show her sisters what she stepped in. I'm not making this part up, either. Ew! Less show, Piper, more tell! Prue says, "We weren't out of that." Heh. Phoebe cracks up, and I think that comment was an ad-lib on Shannen Dougherty's part because Alyssa Milano's reaction to the joke is so natural and spontaneous that I'm taken aback. Piper explains that she stepped in dog crap again, because "that man has turned our front sidewalk into a puppy minefield." Phoebe gets her bitch on because she can't believe this is happening, especially since Prue adds that they've "left notes." Where? On the sidewalk? On the dog crap? Because it doesn't seem like they'd know where the guy lives, since they don't know his name. Phoebe declares that the time it happens she'll "catch him in the act." Just then we hear a "Ruff Ruff" sound effect. A dog outside must have been hit by an anvil! The Halliwells make synchronized stink-eyes and head to the front of the house. They peer past the curtain in the living room, and Piper helps the slower viewers put words to the image by saying, "That's him [sic]! That's the guy and his dog!" The man has his back to us, and unfortunately so does the dog. A Rottweiler's squatting posterior monopolizes the frame. Ew cubed! This episode's gonna have to take the freight elevator seventy floors up to the sewer to try to even begin to redeem itself. Prue: "I can't believe it. That is so rude." Word. But she means the fact that the guy is "just going to walk away." Phoebe's few lonely synapses fire and she gets an idea: "Then don't let him. Use your power." She reasons that they can teach the owner "new tricks" and save money on carpet cleaning. Prue reminds her that they can't use their powers to teach anyone lessons. Phoebe wah wah for the greater good wah wah wah community service wah wah, wah wah, wah wah. She convinces her sisters. Piper, hoping she can freeze him in range, does so, then ducks under the windowsill. Then Prue uses her telekinesis to throw the "doody" on the guy. No, I'm not making this up, either. The Charmed Ones are flinging dog shit on unsuspecting strangers who wander past the manor. This is happening much earlier in the series run than I predicted. Cut to the man wiping off his shoe. The sisters all duck. Prue worries that he might have seen them. Phoebe, rather prophetically: "What's he gonna do? Cry 'witch'?"
Piper and Prue go into the kitchen to make coffee. Phoebe wiggles away from the window in heels and tight capri pants and plops her Peg Bundy-ish self on the couch, proclaiming that her "good deed for the day" makes her deserving of "fifteen minutes of channel surfing." What the hell is this unemployed slacker doing the other 1,425 minutes of the day? Phoebe turns on the TV and comes to a news report about a baseball player named Cal Greene. Phoebe shudders and the TV shows her B&W psychic vision: a program from the date 2-26-2009. Footage is shown of Phoebe burning, presumably to death. Phoebe shrieks. The hard Ps enter the room. They ask if Pheebs is OK. She says, "No, I saw my future. I was being executed -- burned alive. Flames, flames, burning flames, licking the sides of my face..." Oops, my bad. The last part was from Madeline Kahn's scene-stealing moment in the otherwise dreadful flick Clue. That bit always gets to me.
Titles. Once I've hit mute to drown out the sounds of the musical memories of my youth being pillaged and raped, I discover some omissions from the credits we saw last week. Woo hoo. Daryl "Jennifer Keaton" Morris, Dan "Fresh Meat" Gordon and Jenny "Tampax Was There" Gordon are absent. I wait patiently for Patrick Duffy to finish showering and inform me that last week's episode was just a very bad dream.
Jennifer Lopez's lips are so soft she can't stop touching them. Has she asked her psychiatrist to prescribe some medication for this condition? And I don't know about y'all, but I'm already sold on cotton underwear. I don't think seeing Ivana Trump in her skimpies is going convince anyone who's on the fence.
Some adenoid pushing his Warner Brothers CD, as San Francisco is established for us. Halliwell Manor. Where we left off. Piper, wearing a very hideous bright red maternity blouse, brings water to Phoebe. Is Holly Marie Combs pregnant? I brace myself for the few months of overcoat wearing and folder carrying, if need be. Piper asks why that news report brought forth that premonition. Phoebe doesn't know, but tells them that she could really "feel the fire." Piper: "And we were just standing there? That can't be right." Phoebe is adamant. Prue says they would never let that happen. Phoebe wonders what she did, or what she "will do." She Method Acts "deep cogitation" about as well as she Method Acted "smelling something foul." Doorbell rings.
Piper answers the door and greets Leo "Tinkerbeau" Wyatt. Blah blah has to work that night has the afternoon off blah blah saving the world excuse again blah blah. Piper says she has to use that excuse herself. Leo is paged by the "White Lighters" -- i.e., he hears the Organ Chord of Great Portent and asks the ceiling, "Now?" He tells Piper he has to go take care of something himself. She tells him that they need to talk later "about things...about where we stand." Groan. Don't you hate it when you're spending more time hashing out the "relationship" than having one? Leo grins and says, "Raincheck." Cue the lip mics. He disappears into a blue light with sparks, leaving Piper in mid-pucker. Isn't he supposed to be a white light? Not that a blue light "special" isn't apt -- Brian Krause is a marked-down, discount kind of actor.
The attic. Leo appears in front of the Book of Shadows. He holds his glowing hands two feet above the pages as they flip about. Smart move. I don't know where the BoS has been, either. The sisters enter and Leo's vapor. Piper bitches about her broken date. She notices that the pages were doing "that flipping thing" again. They look at the open book, revealing the headings "To Move Ahead in Time" and "Return Spell." Prue the brain trust informs them, "It's a spell to take us into the future." Piper adds, "And one to send us back again!" Jeez, what is this, a radio program for the blind? Apparently they only get one shot at time travel, because the spells disappear after use. Phoebe is concerned, because last season they almost died traveling to the past. Alyssa, if you don't stop acting with your hands I'm going to take them away from you. Prue argues that they have to go to the future to find out what Phoebe did that put her on the pyre. Phoebe's swayed by this, because her guilt shouldn't be automatically assumed -- a warlock or demon might be to blame. She caves. Piper says they need a target date. The sisters take the BoS and gather around a short table. Phoebe directs them to two weeks before the date of her execution. Piper wonders how she looks, or rather how she will look after ten years of wear and tear caused by "vanquishing." Prue rips out the future spell page, and sets it on fire. The sisters recite: Here are these words/Hear the rhyme/We send to you this burning sign/Then our future selves will find/In another place and time. Based on this spell, I continue to suspect that the BoS is really just a very old dust jacket enclosing a girl's seventh-grade study-hall notebook, but the spell works. The sisters vaporize. Why spend money on state-of-the-art F/X when dry ice and laser pointers do just as well?
Exterior shot of Halliwell Manor. Sped-up time-lapse F/X. Fireflies buzz around the living room and alight on a prone figure on the sofa. A little girl runs into the room, yelling "Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!" Piper rises from her fetal position on the couch, looking quite beautiful with wavy hair pinned back up off her forehead. Piper says to the moppet, "I think you have the wrong house." Instead of wondering if Mommy's been morning drinking again, the girl smiles and tells Piper that she's "fooling" and embraces her. Piper's taken by surprise. A car horn sounds. The little girl yells that she's "coming." Piper looks at herself in the mirror, touches her hair, plucks at the weird sash thing on her blouse, and notices that's she's wearing a wedding band. She sees a news report on Phoebe on the TV in the background of the reflection. She wonders aloud where the volume is, and a woman's voice proclaims, "Command recognized." The sound on the set comes on. Cool, but that command proclamation would work my last nerve. The talking head reports that there will be a special report upcoming on the execution of Phoebe Halliwell after "regularly scheduled programming - MTV's Real World 18: On the Moon." I don't have the heart to attack this pathetic attempt at satire. Piper's daughter says she's going to be late. Piper, reading my thoughts, screams at the TV, "OK, TV. Shut up! Mute! Something!" The command is recognized.
Foyer. Some woman in a blue sweater greets Piper. Wah wah rough being with your sister wah wah will pick up the little one at school wah wah take to your ex's wah wah, wah wah, wah wah. Piper: "Ex? As in husband? As in mine? Yes. If that's what I told you, yes." Heh. Blue sweater woman: "Are you and he getting along better now?" Piper: "Who the hell are you and in what part of our relationship did that become any of your business?" Actually, she says no such thing, but I wish she would have. Piper's daughter is standing right there and the woman wants to dish about the separation or divorce? Hey, blue sweater woman -- little pitcher, big ears. Instead, Piper panics and yells for Prue. Blue sweater woman and little girl start to leave. Before they leave, the little girl whispers to Piper, "Don't worry, Mommy. I'll do as you ask. I won't use my power again. Ever!" Aw. Piper's daughter is so precious I just want to pick her up by the scruff of her neck and tickle her tummy. Mother and daughter hug as treacly piano music packs the scene into heavy syrup. The little girl leaves in a "futuristic" mini-van.
A limo pulls up. Prue gets out, followed by a man and a woman who are clucking over her. While I try to find the words to describe the hideous long straight blonde wig that's wearing Prue, Janice from the Muppet Show calls -- she wants her hair back. Prue has her bitch on, and also a black leather halter top and miniskirt ensemble she tore off a male Tina Turner impersonator. She screams at the menials to stop touching her. Commanding, "Stay! Stay! Stay!" she walks up the stairs to join Piper. Piper asks what's the big. Prue says she doesn't know, but "check me out -- I could get used to this." She doesn't just work at Buckland's now -- she owns it, and "three more: Paris, Tokyo, and London." Piper, aghast, holds her hands in front of her mouth. Piper: "And you're blonde!" Owen: "With fake black roots!" Piper grabs a hunk o' wig and agrees, "Yeah. Strange." Prue adds that she woke from the spell at the auction house, and goes on about all of her assistants and huge office and "so totally hot" chauffeur. She asks how Piper "did." Piper: "Heh." They walk into the house. Prue's entourage remains frozen in fear.
Living room. Piper fills Prue in. She complains about having an "apparently failed marriage" and still living in the manor. Hey, Piper? Considering how expensive it is to live in San Francisco currently, having affordable housing there ten years from now shouldn't really be bitched about. If you're going to whine, go to town on the fitted white blouse Wardrobe gave you that makes you look so hippy. Piper tells Prue about her daughter and finds a picture of the girl. Prue asks what the kid's name is but Piper doesn't know. She adds that the girl has powers, but she told her not to use them and doesn't know why. They move on to discuss why they're inhibiting their future bodies, because when they used the "past" spell last season they remained outside of their younger selves. Prue has a tiny brainstorm: Phoebe must be inhibiting her future bod, too. Gee, ya think? Piper sees Phoebe's picture on the TV news again. The irritating disembodied TV woman voice recognizes another "pipe up" command. The report: Phoebe's less than eight hours away from execution. She was "accused" (shouldn't that be "convicted"?) of killing Cal Greene six months ago. Piper bemoans the fact that they have less time to save Phoebe than they planned. Cut to a big-haired reporter named "Sierra Stone." Heh -- some things never change. San Franciso DA Nathaniel Pratt -- as good a Puritanical villain name as any -- is Phoebe's chief accuser, and just happens to be running for governor. Sound bites -- blah blah cleansing the city blah blah warning to other witches: you're blah blah blah. Piper and Prue blanch.
Joy cam. What the? Those kids broke into that house, didn't they?
Establishing shot of Halliwell Manor. A "futuristic" silver car drives by. Aaron Spelling really went wild on the budget for this ep, didn't he? The hard Ps enter the attic. Prue: "Oh, surprise. Here we go up the stairs. Into the attic. Grabbing the Book of Shadows. Please tell me we're still not going to be doing this in ten years?" Word, word, a thousand times word. They get to the bookstand, but the BoS is gone. Prue goes apoplectic searching for it and flings her hand, inadvertently causing a quite funny and elegant special effect: a huge pulse that propels most of the objects on one side of the room against the far wall, destroying it, and exposing the sky outside. Piper: "Been working out?" Heh. They look at the fallen bookstand, and find a key hidden on the bottom. Prue says it belongs to her safe at Buckland's. They wonder why their future selves took the BoS out of the house. As they leave the attic, an anvil falls, just missing them. Oops -- my bad, it was just a piece of ceiling.
Hobart State Penitentiary. Phoebe, in a ratty long wig and red jumpsuit. Wailing that she wants a snack. Bitching when she's handed a plate of "goo." Walking toward the front of her cell. Getting electrocuted by the dog collar around her neck. Bitching that she doesn't even get a phone call. Hearing someone yell, "Shut up, witch!" They've laid out a veritable banquet for the Phoebe-haters out there. You know who you are. Grab a fork and dig in.
The hard Ps, walking away from Piper's SUV into an urban plaza setting. Extras mill about. Piper whines about still having her old car, while Prue has a limo and driver. Prue's jealous of Piper for having a husband and a daughter. It's really hard to take Prue seriously in that "Joni Mitchell does a Vegas floor show" get-up. Some yuppie spills his latté. Piper inexplicably freaks and freezes him, everyone in the plaza, and even the birds up in the sky. Prue comments that hers isn't the only power that's grown. Leo comes out of the crowd and asks what the hell they're doing. Piper's glad to see him, but he just berates her for being "stupid" enough to use her power in public. He says they had an agreement -- "no magic for Melinda's sake." Piper comes up with two plus two equals four, times three: Melinda's her child's name, Leo's her ex, and he's also Melinda's sperm donor. A yuppie woman in a blue suit comes around the corner, observes the tableau, points at the hard Ps and screams, "Witch!" Prue wonders what's going on here. Piper notices the posters in the plaza, all featuring huge falling anvils. Okay, actually they show Pratt with the tag line "Rid the Evil. Turn in Witches." Leo tells the Ps they need to get out of there, because "they'll be after us." I'm all primed for a crazy car chase through the steep hilly streets of San Francisco featuring spaceship cars, witchcraft, and laser guns, but I guess Aaron was still resting his check-writing hand.
Hobart Pen. Pratt and Phoebe work out their animosity toward one another. All I get out of it is the knowledge that men will be wearing ugly six-button suits at the end of the decade.
Underground witch hideout. It's dirty and urban: there's graffiti sprayed on the outside of the building! Leo explains to the Ps that the extras lounging about on cots are "in danger because of the witch trials Phoebe started." Piper convinces Leo that she's from the past by grabbing his face and planting a wet one on him. Prue tries hard not to look like a fifth wheel. Leo believes the Ps are from 1999, because Piper hadn't kissed him like that since that time period. Huh? So how was Melinda conceived anyway? And maybe I should take this up with the alt.obsessive.charmed newsgroup: when did Leo become mortal enough to procreate? No answer in this scene. Instead, Leo proceeds to explain that he was the one who pointed them toward the future spell blah blah people accused of witchcraft unjustly blah blah Phoebe killed a man because he brutally murdered someone she cared about blah blah a technicality set him free blah blah Phoebe's power passive no longer blah blah now she can kill blah blah blah. Hmm -- a sports figure who's a brutal murderer getting set free despite a public clamoring for justice? Didn't I read something similar in the local California papers a few years back? Prue says that they need to get to Phoebe and fill her in on what's happened. Leo hears another organ chord page and says he'll "orb in" to visit Phoebe instead of the Ps. Prue and Piper are safe at the moment because Pratt checked them out and didn't suspect them. Prue tells him they'll get the "return to the past" spell from the BoS and meet him back at the manor.
Buckland's Auction House. Menials swarm around Prue. A redheaded Amazon assistant woman tells them to give her "air." They walk into Prue's office. Piper follows, but the assistant shuts the door in her face. Hey, nice! Piper enters the room and tells the assistant -- who introduces herself as Anne -- that she's with Prue. Anne has never met her boss's sister, and says quite tactlessly that she "forgot Prue had another one." Wah wah business talk wah wah Prue's a ruthless businesswoman wah wah "to hell with the little people" wah wah Prue asks about her husband wah wah Anne tells Prue "like she has the time" wah wah, wah wah, wah wah. Prue shoos Anne out of the office. Finally. Prue bemoans her future life: "Look at me. All I do is work. Cause layoffs with the flick of a pen. No man to speak of." Yes, she really said that last part -- all that success, but no man around. Why don't the writers just pen an episode where Prue has to go into the past to give herself a copy of The Rules? Ugh. Moving on. Prue decides not to dwell on "the nightmare that's [her] life." She uses the key to open her safe. She pulls out the BoS. She hikes up the front of her halter so her boobs don't pop out. Hey, pretty lady! Shannen, two choices: Either have a stern talk with wardrobe, or adjust yourself before the cameras start to roll. Prue looks at the BoS for the "return" spell, but it's gone. Their future selves already used it up.
A sidebar on the driven, nightmarish businesswoman with black-rooted blonde hair dressed in hooker wear as corporate attire. I sense an attempt at satire on the part of the writers here, but didn't the Amanda Woodward monster escape from Aaron Spelling's lab in the first place?
Hobart Pen. Leo appears in Phoebe's cell. Phoebe asks where's the rest of the cavalry? Leo tells her they're not coming. Phoebe assumes she'll just "orb" out of there with him. Leo says no. He tells Phoebe that she really did kill a man. Phoebe: "What did I do? Premonition him to death?" Heh. Leo tells her that her power has grown. He gives her a newspaper clipping of Cal Greene's murder. She has a B&W vision: The baseball player walks past her in what looks to be a stadium hallway. Phoebe comes from behind him, puts her hands on either side of his head, and sends electric bolts through his brain while levitating the both of them. She drops him, and this is Cal Greene's brain on drugs with a side order of bacon and hash browns. Phoebe wails to Leo, "Oh my god! What have I done? Help me!" Leo orbs out. The scene ends with an overhead shot of Phoebe trapped in her cell. Pheebs, if there was ever a moment in your life to scream, "Khan!" this would be it.
Brandy loves her mascara so much she just bursts out into song! Too bad it's in a key way too high for her weak, whiny-ass voice.
Halliwell Manor. Day. Living room. The hard Ps go through the BoS. They find lots of new spells, and some little red bags attached to the pages. Prue finds a map of Phoebe's prison, and notices that some spells -- one to create money, one to erase memory, one to bind power, one to bend will -- are dog-eared. Prue figures out that their future selves were planning on using them to break Pheebs out of the Big House. But she's bothered because some of the spells are "clearly for personal gain." Piper doesn't believe that they'd "break the most basic of Wiccan rules." Prue thinks their future selves might -- to rescue Phoebe. Leo walks in. The Ps ask where Phoebe is. Leo says she's in prison, "where she belongs." The Ps wail on him in stereo. Leo argues that Pheebs' death will protect the greater good and stop the prosecution of others, in particular Melinda. Leo: "Phoebe has to die." Prue: "Like hell!" Tee hee. Piper freezes Leo, and tells Prue to relax. Prue gives the frozen Leo the stink-eye to end all stink-eyes. They tear out the spells they need to rescue Phoebe.
Hobart Pen. Guard watching Pratt on TV. Phoebe, within earshot, listens. "Tonight the witch will burn!" I can't shake the feeling that there's something else I'm supposed to be doing at the moment. Hmm. Oh yeah! Caring!
Piper and Prue in the SUV in front of some house. Piper's "gonna have to hurry" because Leo's going to "unfreeze and come home at any moment." Hey, the writers actually let me make a connection on my own as to where in the hell the Ps were! Ow, now my head hurts. Prue reminds Piper that they have less than an hour to save Pheebs. Piper approaches the house and looks inside the front windows. She sees Melinda playing "tea party" with her dolls. Piper looks at the binding spell page in her hand with a sad, conflicted look on her face. Ugh, ugh, I think I'm getting a migraine from all of the conclusion-reaching the writers are letting me do here. Leo appears in a blue light behind Piper. He says, "You can't do it, can you?" Piper says she can't, although her grandmother did it to her and her sisters "for protection." Cut back to Melinda. We have yet to find out what in the hell her power is, anyway. I'm guessing "speed hostessing," because she's pouring and slamming the imaginary tea down the dollies' throats like nobody's business. Leo tells Piper that he'll protect Melinda from persecution. Piper knows he will. Piper changes the subject to their marital history. Did he "clip his wings" for her? No, she wouldn't let him. They tried to make it work with their respective powers, but they weren't succeeding, then the witch trials started. Piper asks if they were happy, "just for a little while?" Leo says, "Very." Piper turns to face him. She asks him if he'll try to stop the Ps. He won't, and he understands what they have to do. Piper: "What are we going to do?" Leo: "What we always do -- talk about it later." She leaves. Well-acted by both actors, with HMC a stand-out as usual.
Piper joins Prue in the car. Piper checks herself out in the mirror, wiping away tears and trying to compose herself. Prue: "I can't even imagine what a difficult thing you had to do, saying goodbye to your husband and child like that." Yeah, right. What really happens: Piper inexplicably asks Prue what's wrong. Prue makes it all about her: "I have no one to say goodbye to! No life. They didn't even know who you were at the office. My own sister. If we die tonight, my tombstone will read, 'Here lies Prue, she worked hard.'" No, I'd chip in to mark her grave with a nine-foot marble stepladder so she can get over her dead, rampantly self-absorbed self. Piper assures Prue that they're not going to die -- that they'll all survive and somehow go back to the past so they can improve their future. Prue agrees, finally starts the car, and they're off.
Two girls dressed as Susan Anton and Jaclyn Smith for Halloween walking along a huge concrete wall -- I mean Prue and Piper trying to find a way in to Phoebe's prison. Piper: "Don't people normally break out of prison? Heh. Prue: "Nothing about this is normal." Word. They use the "create a door" spell.
Inside the prison. Guards come for Phoebe. AM looks very tiny-bodied and big-headed in that jumpsuit.
A stormtrooper-ish guard stops the hard Ps and tells them to "Freeze!" Piper freezes him instead. Guffaw. They find Phoebe's cell, but it's empty.
Phoebe on her way to execution. We're thankfully spared the cheese of some guard yelling, "Dead witch walking!" Of note is the particularly bad makeup on AM in these scenes. I guess she's supposed to look extremely tired and worried, so they've given her circles as big as Olympic running tracks around the eyes. Oh, and they have somebody revving up the flame machine as she approaches the chamber. Yeah, right. As if.
If you use Finesse shampoo, you can remove your man's stigmas about buying tampons and asking for directions! Sexist blather, rinse, repeat.
Phoebe's shackled to the pyre apparatus. Pratt is there, exclaiming, "I love the smell of burnt witch in the morning." If you think that pop cult ref sounds tired in 1999, imagine hearing it ten years later. Phoebe addresses him in a Tori Spelling-esque Dramatic Whisper: "At least I'm paying for my crime. There'll come a day when you have to pay for yours too." Pratt blows her off to address the viewing gallery with the same sound bites we heard earlier. The hard Ps enter the chamber. Prue orders Piper to freeze Pratt. She does. Piper tells Phoebe they're getting her out of there, and unshackles her. Phoebe tells them that they can't, because she deserves to die, or rather her future self does. Prue reasons that Phoebe "killed a killer" and if anyone should be punished, it should be Pratt. Prue does that weird "looking at her hand while considering throwing attitude" gesture from last episode. Phoebe stops her, telling her not to become a murderer, like her. Prepare yourself for Pheeb's delivery of this ep's thesis statement: "The wrong thing done for the right reason is still the wrong thing. Our job is to protect the innocent, not punish the guilty." Prue says that they were sent to the future for a reason, and the hard P's aren't leaving without her. Phoebe says the reason was "to understand why this has to happen -- why you have to let it happen. I don't want to die, but I don't want you to..." She says something else, and I rewound the tape several times to make it out, but AM is sobbing and wailing so much at this point only dogs could have heard her (tm Chandler Bing). The sisters embrace. I believe that Alyssa Milano is really crying, and Holly Marie Combs is all red-eyed and truly sobbing. Then they cut to Shannen Doherty with glycerin smeared on her face, trying to fit in. Pheebs kisses the hard Ps and says she loves them. She walks back up to the pyre and waits. Phoebe nods at Piper to unfreeze the scene, which is tantamount to Piper "pulling the plug" on her sister herself, and I can only imagine the trauma involved. Phoebe is engulfed in flames while Piper and Prue watch, holding each other and crying. Not a bad scene, that.
Halliwell Manor. More sped-up time-lapse F/X. Oh god. The forecast for the final five minutes of this show calls for anvil showers mixed with iron skillets, floor safes, and baby grand pianos. It's 1999 again. Prue and Piper are hugging in the living room. Piper asks what they're doing there. They call out for Phoebe. After a dramatic pause, she enters the room. Big hug! I know. Good lord, these girls embrace more than Teletubbies on Ecstasy. The hard 's thought they "lost" Pheebs. Phoebe says: "You did. I could feel the flames on my skin." They sit on the sofa, and turn on the TV to find out what time period they're in. A newscaster reports something about Cal Greene. Phoebe figures out that they're back on the "very same day they cast the [future] spell." She wonders why. Prue thinks they were sent to the future to stop Cal Greene's murder from occurring. Piper, quite intelligently, concludes that would have entailed them being sent back to the day Phoebe killed Cal Greene instead. Suddenly, a dog barks! The sisters rush to the window. We get to see more Rottweiler butt. Prue: "Not again!" Word! Piper and Prue open the window to stir up the shit, as it were, because "he still hasn't learned his lesson." The newly minted righteous Phoebe declares that the sisters haven't learned their lesson, either. They were sent back to that day -- all together now -- "where it all started. The first time we used our magic for revenge." Piper argues that the shit trick is "just a little thing." Phoebe wah wah break the small rules wah wah leads to big rules wah wah, wah wah, wah wah. The Simpsons ep where Homer time travels and kills the bug = much more succinct. Prue then repeats Phoebe's thesis statement from the last scene word for word. Ouch! If you producers want to pad the running time of the show, y'all could just add more establishing shots of San Francisco at the beginning. Not that the thought hasn't occurred to y'all before.
Just then the Rottweiler owner guy turns to face the manor and the sisters see that he's Nathaniel Pratt! To quote Madonna: What. A. Shocker. The sisters reason that the little prank they planned might have led him to begin the witch trials. They decide to keep an eye on him. Joy. A hard P villain now. I'm glad I'm not orally narrating these recaps, or y'all would need raingear. The sisters leave the window. Prue decides to blow off working late that night to go out with her sisters. Piper reminds Prue that their future wasn't all that bad -- she had a beautiful daughter fathered by Leo. Phoebe: "You and Leo?" Doorbell.
Piper answers it. It's Leo. Piper pulls him in the door and rams her tongue down his throat. Get ready for a trip to Awkward Segueville. Leo would have settled for hello. Piper was told once not to settle. Leo's learned that lesson. Piper says there's been a lot of lesson-learning today. Word. Leo gets the hint to explain how much he knew about the "future" spell mission. He was just following orders from the White Lighters and has no idea what happens in the future. He reiterates that he still has to work that night. Piper adds, "And if there's a problem with us..." Leo looks at Piper's Finesse-shampoo hair and says he'll "work on it" with her. Piper tells him never to forget he said that and they make out some more.