Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT When We First Took The Pill
By Jacob Clifton | Season 1 | Episode 8 | Aired on 06.10.1999
D'Argo comes in hissing with a girl he says witnessed John wandering around. "He was alone, I swear." D'Argo calls her a liar and in fact she is lying. They yell a bit. Liko asks her straight up if John was with Maldis. "Who is Maldis?" That's what Aeryn wants to know. She thinks. (Who deals with Maldis? Emotional John and repressed Zhaan. And later, Chiana and John: the only two purely emotional people on Moya. Even D'Argo by that point is repressing actual emotional turmoil -- and by that time, bad-ass Zhaan won't give Maldis a second thought -- but when Aeryn fights Maldis, she'll do it in the real world; she'll fight his body with hers.)
In Maldavia, John and Crais circle each other -- no grapevines here! -- and they talk about how (a) Crais is really there, not a hologram, and (b) he's not there to chat, but to kill John to death. John's like, "Um, I'm not going to fight you." Which is not the first thing I would think of, if somebody just explained to me that they were going to kill me. John picks up a spear and begs Maldis to explain why he's doing this. "My services found a better price." Crais's pain outweighs John's, I'll give him that, but that's not what he means. "I'm playing for bigger stakes now, John. You can still talk to Crais...just don't expect him to listen!" He cackles stupidly, and the true horror of his obnoxiousness is finally revealed. And yea it is horrible. Then Crais takes away John's spear and slashes him across the hand.
And just like actually happens, if you get hurt in your dream you get hurt in real life, so a big wound opens up across John's real-life hand. Zhaan's like, "Obvious injury! Spotted it! New cut!" but Liko isn't so excited about her Scullery: "Your companion is as good as dead. And so are the rest of you." (See how I didn't even have to go back and un-capitalize "companion"? I'm learning!) D'Argo's like, "Is he contagious?" Yeah, with the Hand-Cutting Fever that's so prevalent. "It's not a disease that's done this." -- I'd argue that point -- "It's something much worse. A dark and dangerous force, wielded by an evil sorcerer whose name is Maldis." This is the kind of shit that will make a person hate a Maldis episode. This shit right here. "He feeds upon pain and death, gaining strength by tapping into the life-energy of others. Maldis invaded our planet and killed half our population. We who survive are prisoners, kept alive only at Maldis' whim." Hey, there's this really cool show about all these very interesting and important things that you should watch. Disregard the Muppets. "And this Maldis motherfucker? The 'evil sorcerer' that 'gains strength' from 'life force' and keeps people alive 'only at his whim'? Am I expected to 'disregard' that shit too?" ...I give.