Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT When We First Took The Pill
By Jacob Clifton | Season 1 | Episode 8 | Aired on 06.10.1999
John spots Crais through a gap in the walls of Maldavia and calls to him. "You can't run forever," smolders Crais. "I can wait." John tries to get him to understand about the whole conflict thing and how it's getting Maldis off. Crais, awesomely: "I don't care." John explains, pointing out the manic stuff Maldis shows up and does whenever they get into it, and how his level drops when they're avoiding each other. "Maldis doesn't command me!" Crais screams. John talks sense. Déjà vu time, fast forward...now. "Listen. You're beating yourself up because you were supposed to protect your brother. I understand that now. And you can believe this or you can shine it, but honest to God, I tried to get clear. I didn't mean for him to crash, and I'm sorry he's dead. Do you understand that?" Doesn't matter. "It changes nothing. Tauvo is dead. Struck down by a weak, pathetic, inferior being." He wigs some yelly déjà vu some more and then runs off. Maldis appears: "You're not nearly as thick as I thought, John. You begin to understand what I'm all about." Vampire. "I admit, I feed on death. But don't we all? Some eat plants, some meat. I consume the life essence itself. Preferably medium rare." See what we're talking about? What the hell is that? Banter? Whatever, you poncey old vampire. But he can't kill them yet -- in John's words, interesting vis-à -vis Zhaan's stuff, "Why all the foreplay?" -- because "Death is the main course, all this is the appetizer." He warns him Crais is coming back and politely asks that John fight, not run. "I'm getting hungry again." Which breaks John's heart, he is assured.
Zhaan apologizes to Liko for her behavior. Yeah, that behavior where it hurts to hurt things? He just looks at the trelkez and tells her to continue. Rygel calls her on comms to bitch about how the goo is worthless and she needs to solve the problem for real. "Wait," says Liko. "This is a better lesson." Rygel continues to be irritating on the comms. "Give pain to Rygel?" she asks. And like, it's horrible to contemplate this one time. Maybe it's because he's so sick and pathetic and crotchety, or because he's been awesome lately, or because last week was so hard, but right now it seems unimaginable. He continues to squawk horribly at her. "Zhaan! Did you hear me? I demand you bring me something that works!" Zhaan stalls, saying she can't reach all the way to Moya. Liko offers to "help."
Commercials, and then Liko and Zhaan touch each other's shoulders and get all vibey to send pain up to Rygel. The one week he hasn't done anything bad. "Why don't you answer me? What are you doing down there? Can you find me a remedy or not? If not, why are we still here? We should leave this useless planet immediately and find a place where I can get some relief from this..." And then he screams. And it is monstrous, and it goes on forever. And then silence. "Part of me enjoyed that," Zhaan admits. Liko says this means they're nearly ready. Um, like where the fuck did Liko go to divinity school? He's like that scary guy in Poltergeist II. I don't know why I keep bringing those movies up, sorry. But seriously! Night Of The Hunter and Priest and that Heath Ledger movie about the Sin Eater are like pro-clergy compared to this shit. This guy would make Stigmata be like, "Hey, respect religion, dude." And let's not even talk about Zhaan.