Episode Report Card Jeff Long: A | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Innovation
By Jeff Long | Season 1 | Episode 1 | Aired on 11.30.2004
Wendy Pepper doesn't know what to do. My suggestion would be to lower her dosage of lithium. Bitch is lethargic! Everyone else is running around like a chicken with its head cut off. If it's anything like the Key Food near my apartment, they'll probably run into a few actual headless chickens. Running. And the clerks are all really rude, too. Sorry to rant, but New York grocery stores really are like the fifth level of hell.
Vanessa tries to rule out "obvious" items, like melons. It looks like most people are focusing on the housewares and paper sections. With fifty minutes remaining...let me rephrase: after only ten minutes, Mario is done. He buys four shower curtains and Q-tips. The clerk asks him, "What are you using the Q-tips for?" and -- wait a second! I never get any small talk from the clerk! Bitches. He says that the Q-tips are for him, since he forgot to bring any with him. That's pretty funny. "I believe that all of these materials have their own beautiful, spiritual quality," says Daniel, thus sealing the envelope of my disdain for him. How fucking retarded! Go back to L.A., you idiot. Kara Saun buys all of the ribbon in the place. We're talking twenty-three rolls of ribbon. Sounds a little like she didn't want anyone else to have any ribbon. She also buys four feather dusters and a painting kit. Then, you hear Starr sadly asking some guy if the store has any ribbon. Starr seems timid for a lawyer. Austin buys twenty-eight ears of corn, revealing to those of us who didn't know or had forgotten that cornhusks are "nature's fabric." That's awesome. He demonstrates that it is a fiber with weft and warp. I'm sold. And, so far, he is really the only one who is designing with the actual spirit of the challenge in mind. It seems that everyone is looking for items that most closely resemble conventional fabrics, as opposed to looking for greater purpose in a whole other thing. They're supposed to innovate, not replicate. Nora gets a lounge chair and eight placemats. The color of the lounge chair is an electric blue that is really pretty. Starr gets an ironing board cover, bubble gum, and wrapping paper. Tim calls over the intercom, "Project Runway, you have five minutes." We overhear Jay running and laughing and saying, "Attention, Runway Shoppers!" He ends up purchasing six rolls of aluminum foil, a bag of jacks (I guess the toy kind), and three roasting pans. Daniel buys butcher paper, aluminum foil, and trash bags. We hear him say that he is a "serious designer" and that this challenge will be "no sweat." Argh.