Episode Report Card Joe R: B | 1 USERS: A YOU GRADE IT The Wood(s)man
By Joe R | Season 2 | Episode 21 | Aired on 05.01.2006
Jackie's tucked into a concrete corner by a small set of steps, almost directly at Lucky's feet. She tries to make a covert call on her cell, but Lucky catches her. He's pointing the gun right at her, drool sputtering in every direction. Behind him, Wallace looks ready to make a move. From where Veronica is, I can't tell whether she can see what Wallace is trying to do, but she looks freaked, regardless. So Wallace takes a sweet-looking dive at Lucky, and they roll around on the ground. The gun gets knocked to the side, but then so does Wallace, allowing Lucky to recover the gun. Wallace is now a sitting duck. Kristen Bell is so amazing during these cutaways. Lucky pulls the trigger, everybody screams, and Veronica gasps like she might never draw air again. It's so awful to watch, yet so, so good. Fortunately for Wallace, Veronica, and the world, the gun is loaded with blanks. Lucky giggles a crazy giggle, but I suppose we'll never get to find out what's so fucking funny, because a school security guard shoots him in the back. Lucky's dead, y'all. Veronica's halfway there.
Credits. Credits?! Holy hell, you guys. ["Yeah. Did I neglect to warn you what you were getting yourself into?" -- Couch Baron]
On the front steps of what I assume is Neptune's city hall or township center or whatever building houses the mayor's office, Woody Goodman is holding a press conference about the untimely demise of Thomas "Lucky" Dohanic. Woody, as you might expect, is laying it on thick. Also laid on thick is the quarter-inch coat of bronzer he apparently slathered on before the press showed. He looks like he's in blackface. That's not cool, Woody. Society tends to frown upon that. It frowns upon other activities, too, but we'll get to that. Woody calls Lucky a "disturbed young man," and brings up his service in Iraq, as well as his service as bat boy for the Sharks. He says Lucky was "let go" from that position, after some of the players complained about his job performance, conveniently offering plausible motive for the now-publicized stalkings.
Back on the Mars couch, Veronica and Keith are watching the conference on TV, Veronica noting that Woody's eyes are turning brown. Yeah, to match his face. Good God, y'all. Keith turns off the TV, and tells Veronica his plan to encase her in a plastic hamster bubble -- the better to keep her safe from every horrible thing that seems to go down in Neptune twice daily. "Nobody likes a blonde in a hamster ball," sages Veronica. There's a really creative Madison/Lamb joke to be had somewhere in there, but this show waits for no snark. Keith apparently didn't even wait until Lucky's body was cold before breaking into his apartment and lifting his emails to Woody. Unfortunately, they were all attachments that have since been deleted: "I'm hoping to be able to get a hold of them at Woody's." Veronica is incredulous that Woody would keep threatening emails in his inbox. Keith makes a sandwich, and explains to Veronica about POP servers and networked computers and other such Glark talk. The gist is that Keith hopes one of the many computers in Woody's home has yet to download these emails from his server, and his plan is to sneak into the Goodmans' while the family is out at a Sharks' team dinner. He even knows Woody's password, gleaned from a very hi-tech peek-over-the-shoulder maneuver. Veronica: "Never log in with a Mars nearby." She tells her dad, however, that the Goodmans' won't exactly be empty tomorrow night, because Gia and her "number one study buddy" will be buckling down for that Health final. Good thing Veronica made that study date! Veronica makes an excited face, but Keith balks at the prospect of Veronica doing any sleuthing. "Woody's going to be at the dinner," says Veronica, "and we both know, if it came down to it, I could totally take Gia." At this, she mimes the world's girliest punch, and despite this terrible display of fighting prowess, Keith caves. Veronica holds her palm out for the password: "Give it." Keith slaps her some skin and says she won't need to write it down. It's horrid enough to remember by heart: Mr.GoodWood. The viewing audience: "Ew." Veronica: "I'm so not touching his keyboard."