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Haaron's on trial, and Veronica and Logan get to testify, but Veronica's the only one called a lying, clap-ridden whore by Haaron's toad of an attorney. Yeah, I know chlamydia isn't the clap, but come on -- it should be. A peaceful afternoon at Neptune High is interrupted by a gun-wielding Lucky. He's looking for Gia, but gets distracted by Jackie, waylaid by Wallace, and ultimately shot to death by school security, even though Lucky's gun was full of blanks. Keith and Veronica continue digging into exactly why Lucky was so pissed at the Woodman, and they ultimately catch up to the rest of the viewing audience and realize Woody's got a yen for bat boys and the bad touch. They also discover that Marcos Olivares and Peter Ferrer, both bus crash victims, were also molested by the mayor. Keith has to do the usual arm twisting to get Lamb onboard with the Woody-as-bus-killer scenario, and by the time he does, Woody -- already recovering from a brutal attack of bronzer, it would seem -- has skipped town. Getting the dirt on Woody entails Veronica going on a espionage-laden study date with Gia that ends awkwardly, though not nearly as awkward (or fantastic) as Mac and the Beav tag-team-tutoring Weevil for his math final. There's adorable in that study room that doesn't sleep. Mac and Beaver manage to work their relationship back to "cutely grinning," and Weevil manages the "B" he needs to walk at graduation. It may be all for naught, though, as those meddling kids who saw him chloroforming Thumper on the last night of that little freak's life show up and fink Weevil out to Lamb. Jackie's so happy to have her father tethered to his hospital bed with no choice but to actually be her dad that she's considering ditching Paris for Neptune (and Wallace) year. But when Casino Asshole Lobo shows up, suddenly remembers Cook's alibi, and clears him, Cook realizes his ass belongs to the Casino now, and he tells Jackie he'd rather not have her in the country anymore. Au revoir, Jackie! Aside from the trial and investigation, Veronica's also trying to ace her finals and get that darn Kane scholarship so she can go to Stanford and leave Wallace, Mac, and Keith behind. Idiot. But it appears Wallace's sweet sentimentality helps nudge her in the direction of ditching her Western Civ exam to go hear Haaron's verdict read in person. That verdict? "Not guilty." And for the second week in a row, the episode ends with Veronica in anguish and tears. Speaking of which: finale week! Holy balls! Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Before I begin, Couch Baron would like me to mention that due to the Nets game monopolizing UPN's Tuesday nights in perpetuity, as well as UPN starting the replay too early, he missed the opening scene last week when Veronica got diagnosed with chlamydia. I saw it, so I can fill in: Veronica was in the doctor's office. She got diagnosed with chlamydia. There. ["And here I thought recapping was hard." -- Couch Baron]
Previously: almost two full seasons of a show about a cute, awesome blonde girl who solves mysteries and cries and stuff. There were approximately fifty-seven plot strands in one stage of development or another, and Couch Baron had developed an almost symbiotic relationship with exactly what the hell is going on here. And the new guy is expected to just jump right in with the penultimate episode of the season??? What have I gotten myself into? Uh, also previously: Keith was able handcuff himself to janitor/stalker Lucky long enough to be told that the Woodman isn't as super-cool as we all think he is. We...do? Thumper got a chloroform rag to the face, courtesy of Weevil, and in plain view of a couple of nosy little brats. Terrence Cook had an alibi for the day of the bus crash, but casino boss Lobo wasn't cooperating. And the Lilly Kane murder weapon was revealed to be Haaron's (snerk) Oscar statue.
You know, I thought picking up a Veronica Mars recap this week would be a nice change of pace from the music-related (okay, "music-adjacent") show I normally cover. So why am I suddenly greeted by a symphony of violins as this episode begins? Oh, it's because Haaron Echolls is on the witness stand at his own murder trial, telling the jury the sob story of how action-hero movie stars from the '80s get old and have to play Hillary Duff's dad in the new millennium. The difference is, most faded heartthrobs these days wind up losing their damn minds among the Maya or drunk at awards shows. They don't take up with their sons' sixteen-year-old girlfriends. The cool thing is that Haaron says that in 1987 he was People's Sexiest Man Alive, and the instant he does, I realize Harry Hamlin must have received that honor in real life, because that's just how this show rolls. I guarantee you there is a P.A. on staff who does nothing but watch old L.A. Law reruns in preparation for throwaway sight gags whenever Haaron's on screen. And, yes, by "throwaway sights gags," I do mean "Susan Dey." So Haaron's mid-life crisis was alleviated (or, you know, fed) by Lilly, who thought he "hung the moon." His attorney -- Slimy Lavoie, Esq. -- is disingenuous with his reminder that Lilly was only sixteen, and Haaron admits it was wrong, but in that "Hey, what do you want me to do? Nubile young high school girl, am I right? You all saw that one movie" way. He says he and Lilly "fooled around," but he denies having sex with her. This gets a whopper of an eye-roll from Veronica, who's in the courtroom with her dad. Logan's there, too, but he's isolated and alone. Misunderstood, even by the seating arrangement. Haaron's version of the day Lilly was killed has her going over to his house, "looking for attention," and this imaginary version of Haaron breaking things off with her. Perjury-Lilly then apparently stormed out with Haaron's Oscar. Haaron followed her to the Kane house, they argued, and she threw an ashtray at him. Perjury-Duncan showed up, flipped out on Lilly, and Haaron left them, though, he admits that was probably a bad idea. "As crazy as he was acting, I never would have imagined...." Haaron gets far enough into fingering Duncan for the murder before the prosecutor objects. Logan and Veronica separately can't quite believe he's this much of a bastard. I can't believe Haaron's this good an actor.
Outside, Veronica and Keith make it as far as the courthouse steps before her rage bubbles over: "So, apparently, if you're handsome and famous enough, you can just lie under oath, and that's cool." There are gawkers lined up all around the courthouse, some with a giant "We Love You, Aaron!" banner. Keith explains how the Oscar statue with Duncan's hair on it is going to raise some doubt, "reasonable or otherwise." Keith tries to comfort Veronica by saying that once she and Logan testify that they saw Lilly and Haaron having sex on tape, the jury will vote to convict. Keith also reminds Veronica to stay calm when she testifies, because Slimy will do everything he can to rile her up. Veronica drops the rage in favor of some swagger, telling her dad that she's unrileable [sic]: "Easygoing Veronica Mars. That's what the kids at school call me." No, Veronica, that's what the kids who died in the bus crash have been calling you. All season. ["I’m intrigued by what you’re saying, and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter." -- Couch Baron] Keith asks whether she wants to go over her testimony with the lawyers again, but what Veronica wants is to be sitting in the courtroom when the jury reads their "guilty" verdict. She wants to see Haaron's face when he realizes all that he's got to look forward to for the rest of his life is his daily hope that things go a little more Prison Break and a little less Oz for him. In case you were wondering, Veronica's blood pressure in this scene has risen to about 140-over-super-fucking-pissed. "Easygoing Veronica Mars, huh?" says Keith, as he wraps her up in a fantastic dad embrace. "You know how fat guys are sometimes called 'Tiny'?" Hee.
Neptune High, at the outdoor...table...area. Shut up, southern California and your constant sunshine and outdoor everything. Veronica has her nose inside a book, as a box of rather yummy-looking cupcakes gets dropped in front of her. The cupcakes are drizzled with garish chocolate icing and have bright pink flowers on top, so it should come as no surprise that they're from Gia, who thanks Veronica for saving her life. Veronica: "What do I have to do for a pie?" Gia -- who may have had her sense of humor molested at a young age -- doesn't get it, so Veronica has to explain the concept of humor. She doesn't specifically say how Veronica's brand of humor involves her mocking the shit out of you for being lame, but it's sort of implied. She tells Gia that she really does have a lot of studying to do, so.... Gia: "I knew it. You're mad at me." Why, Gia? Because you were a total bitch to her when your creepy-ass dad tried to stick Keith with a dead-or-dying campaign floozy? Lucky for Gia, Veronica Mars is nicer than I, because she assures Gia's annoying ass that things are fine -- it's just the studying. Gia suggests studying for their Health final together. I'm sorry, Health? Needs to be studied for this extensively? In my high school, Health was alternately titled, "Duck out to the yearbook room and take a nap class." But who can resist a study date at the Goodman house? Veronica agrees, and I'd like to think that she has special future-knowing powers and realizes access to the Goodman home will come in handy. Because if she somehow isn't clairvoyant, I can't imagine she'd want to return to the scene of the sleepover anytime soon.
Exit Gia; enter Jackie and Wallace. Upgrade! Well, wait. It's Jackie and someone, but we don't see that someone right away because his head is buried inside Veronica's box of cupcakes. Yeah, it's Wallace. It's a good thing he and Jackie are having all the sex now, because dude never stops eating, and it's the off-season, so he could use the exercise. Veronica's all, "Dudes. Studying." "Not me, baby," says Wallace. "I'm cruisin' through this week." Veronica asks Jackie whether Wallace, for real, just called her "baby." Jackie simply smiles and nods and smiles a hundred-and-fifty watts some more, because her boyfriend is the bestest and the dorkiest. Wallace mentions his Hearst scholarship again, and Veronica has to remind him/exposition that she has to ace all her finals, and hope that Angie Dahl fucks up one of her finals, and even that might not be enough for the Kane Scholarship so she can go to Stanford. Jackie's grinning like a loon still, which means she either enjoys seeing Veronica suffering a little bit or else Wallace had a lot better beginner's luck than Duncan did. "Do you know how long I've wanted to go to Stanford?" Veronica asks. Wallace guesses since middle school. "Elementary, my dear Wallace." Veronica admits that she's been holding on to that crack for a while. Jackie makes the most reasonable point that Veronica is so hell-bent on going to Stanford with Angie Dahl when Wallace, Mac, and Keith will all be in Neptune. Not to mention George-Michael and Maeby. Seriously, though. Like she's going to be rid of rich assholes at Stanford? I'm surprised it's taken so long for this point to be made. And while it might seem weird that the voice of the fans is coming out of Jackie's mouth, it makes sense, as we'll see...right now. Wallace says that's a funny thing for the girl headed to the Sorbonne to say. Jackie says that with her dad all laid up and incarcerated and shit, she might stick around, after all. It's encouraging that Jackie's not putting her future on hold for Wallace. Less encouraging is that she is putting her future on hold so she can nurse her daddy issues. Uh, literally. Veronica kindly requests some peace and quiet, while Jackie heads to the snack bar. Wallace sticks around, I guess because he's been wondering just how potent Veronica's left hook is, though, he does acquiesce to a non-verbal "zip it" request. That lasts about a second and a half, as Wallace has to alert Veronica of a looming Weevil. You don't want Weevil looming, whether you've stopped thinking he's the bus killer or not. Props to the continuity, as Wallace still regards Weevil as something to keep at arm's length at all times. It comes back at the end of the episode, too.
Veronica and Weevil step off to the side as Wallace talks to some random kid. Weevil needs Veronica's help. They really do have the perfect relationship. Favor-for-favor, every time. This scene still sees them in barter mode, but on two completely different planes. Weevil -- sick at even having to say it -- asks Veronica for help in Algebra. "The math?" Veronica asks, clearly on my wavelength, wondering if "Algebra" is code for street drugs or something nefarious. Nope. Actual math. Weevil promised his grandma that she'd get to see him graduate, and that her health is failing, and he needs a "B" on the final. Veronica is for-real pained to say she can't work both her finals and his into a schedule already packed with court testimony, sleuthing, and the occasional painful exchange with Logan. Weevil takes this news better than I expect him to, which is to say he doesn't once again bring up the fact that Veronica fucks rich boys. Which is nice progress for him, I think. He gruffly walks away, and Veronica looks sad, and we barely have time to unfairly call her a bitch before gunshots ring out.
Students everywhere dive for cover underneath the tables. French fries are tossed in the air like scary confetti. For a second, it looks like Veronica's the only one still standing, frozen. Nope: Gia, too. Veronica lunges at her and drags her down under the nearest table. It's cool that Veronica is made to snap out of it by the need to save someone else who's out of it. The gunman climbs atop a nearby table, and it's Lucky. Seems the school fired him after hearing about the whole "stalking the mayor and his kids" thing. Lucky's not taking it too well. He can drive an armored troop transport through the Iraqi desert, but he's not good enough to buff the floors at Neptune? Well, sure dude, but to be fair I totally believe that Principal Clemmons is way more discerning than President Bush. There's no use talking sense to Lucky, though. He's drooling and scratching his head with his gun, clear signs of "criminally insane on television." He crazily asks whether anyone wants to go for a ride into Snake Canyon with him. Geena Davis is on ABC right now (...isn't she?), so there are no takers. Lucky's looking for one student in particular: "Where's my girl? G-g-g-gia?" In the sing-song Chia Pet voice. So, so scary. Like what would be scarier than a killer stalking you and talking about "Clap on, clap off, the Clapper"? Gia agrees with me and buries her face into Veronica.
Jackie's tucked into a concrete corner by a small set of steps, almost directly at Lucky's feet. She tries to make a covert call on her cell, but Lucky catches her. He's pointing the gun right at her, drool sputtering in every direction. Behind him, Wallace looks ready to make a move. From where Veronica is, I can't tell whether she can see what Wallace is trying to do, but she looks freaked, regardless. So Wallace takes a sweet-looking dive at Lucky, and they roll around on the ground. The gun gets knocked to the side, but then so does Wallace, allowing Lucky to recover the gun. Wallace is now a sitting duck. Kristen Bell is so amazing during these cutaways. Lucky pulls the trigger, everybody screams, and Veronica gasps like she might never draw air again. It's so awful to watch, yet so, so good. Fortunately for Wallace, Veronica, and the world, the gun is loaded with blanks. Lucky giggles a crazy giggle, but I suppose we'll never get to find out what's so fucking funny, because a school security guard shoots him in the back. Lucky's dead, y'all. Veronica's halfway there.
Credits. Credits?! Holy hell, you guys. ["Yeah. Did I neglect to warn you what you were getting yourself into?" -- Couch Baron]
On the front steps of what I assume is Neptune's city hall or township center or whatever building houses the mayor's office, Woody Goodman is holding a press conference about the untimely demise of Thomas "Lucky" Dohanic. Woody, as you might expect, is laying it on thick. Also laid on thick is the quarter-inch coat of bronzer he apparently slathered on before the press showed. He looks like he's in blackface. That's not cool, Woody. Society tends to frown upon that. It frowns upon other activities, too, but we'll get to that. Woody calls Lucky a "disturbed young man," and brings up his service in Iraq, as well as his service as bat boy for the Sharks. He says Lucky was "let go" from that position, after some of the players complained about his job performance, conveniently offering plausible motive for the now-publicized stalkings.
Back on the Mars couch, Veronica and Keith are watching the conference on TV, Veronica noting that Woody's eyes are turning brown. Yeah, to match his face. Good God, y'all. Keith turns off the TV, and tells Veronica his plan to encase her in a plastic hamster bubble -- the better to keep her safe from every horrible thing that seems to go down in Neptune twice daily. "Nobody likes a blonde in a hamster ball," sages Veronica. There's a really creative Madison/Lamb joke to be had somewhere in there, but this show waits for no snark. Keith apparently didn't even wait until Lucky's body was cold before breaking into his apartment and lifting his emails to Woody. Unfortunately, they were all attachments that have since been deleted: "I'm hoping to be able to get a hold of them at Woody's." Veronica is incredulous that Woody would keep threatening emails in his inbox. Keith makes a sandwich, and explains to Veronica about POP servers and networked computers and other such Glark talk. The gist is that Keith hopes one of the many computers in Woody's home has yet to download these emails from his server, and his plan is to sneak into the Goodmans' while the family is out at a Sharks' team dinner. He even knows Woody's password, gleaned from a very hi-tech peek-over-the-shoulder maneuver. Veronica: "Never log in with a Mars nearby." She tells her dad, however, that the Goodmans' won't exactly be empty tomorrow night, because Gia and her "number one study buddy" will be buckling down for that Health final. Good thing Veronica made that study date! Veronica makes an excited face, but Keith balks at the prospect of Veronica doing any sleuthing. "Woody's going to be at the dinner," says Veronica, "and we both know, if it came down to it, I could totally take Gia." At this, she mimes the world's girliest punch, and despite this terrible display of fighting prowess, Keith caves. Veronica holds her palm out for the password: "Give it." Keith slaps her some skin and says she won't need to write it down. It's horrid enough to remember by heart: Mr.GoodWood. The viewing audience: "Ew." Veronica: "I'm so not touching his keyboard."
In Cook's hospital room, Jackie is regaling her dad with tales of Wallace's heroic exploits. "Thank God he was there," says Cook. Indeed, it could have been Jackie who got fake shot at. Cook then sighs a giant, drama-queeny sigh about how he should be the one diving on to psychos for Jackie. (Weird thing: when I was watching an episode of this show with my sister a few weeks ago, and was trying to catch her up, we hit a Jackie/Terrence scene, and she asked whether Terrence was Jackie's boyfriend. So, of course, now all I can do during these scenes is be weirded out by the fact that Tessa Thompson and Jeffrey Sams look far too close in age for my comfort. And now, I pass that discomfort on to you, dear readers.) Anyway, Jackie brushes off the pity party as the painkillers talking, though she's clearly happy that her father is finally expressing a desire to actually be there for her, for a change. She says that her life is the best it's ever been, and I totally believe her, and thus we all know it cannot last.
The clink. Haaron is led out to the visitor's area, where Logan waits behind the plexiglass wall. Haaron picks up the phone, and Logan does the same, although Dohring does this thing where he regards the phone receiver very suspiciously before he does. James Dean posters all over his walls, you guys. Guaranteed. Logan opines that if Haaron had given to Lilly the performance he gave in court today, she'd have handed the Oscar right to him. Haaron's not up for Logan's tortured sarcasm, however. Haaron wants to give Logan some free advice: "The DA's going to ask you what you saw on those tapes. I think it's in your best interests that you don't tell him." His sales pitch isn't exactly an awful one -- if Logan testifies that he saw the tapes, he'll be admitting to destroying state's evidence. And since Haaron's already got an acquittal on this baby locked up (so to speak), why bother getting convicted of a felony in support of a lost cause? Logan, not surprisingly, is unswayed. He thanks his dad for the advice -- sadly and sarcastically -- and as he hangs up the phone, his mouth is catching flies, which is the viewers' cue to want to protect Logan Echolls from his own fucked-up life. Protect him with our mad making out skills. ["Et tu, Joe R?" -- Couch Baron] ["No! Shut up!" --Joe R]
Neptune High parking lot. As Veronica walks past, she spies Beaver and some runty little kid bemoaning the state of Beav's automobile, freshly keyed with the words "Amber is a Bitch!" on the driver's side door. "Who's Amber?" Veronica asks. Beav doesn't know. Whoever it was keyed the wrong car. Veronica: "How's Amber gonna know she's a bitch?" Hee. Beaver doesn't think it's quite so funny. He's worried about how he's going to pay for it and how long it'll take. What is the Casablancas financial situation looking like these days, anyway? Beav's runty pal pipes up with a "Hey, Veronica." "Hey...you," both Veronica and I say. The kid identifies himself as "Hart," and promises her that he hasn't said a thing. Thanks to the forum posters, I know that Hart is the kid whose amateur dork video accidentally captured Lynn Echolls's final moments in "Mars Vs. Mars." If you recall, Weevil threatened him with grim death if he ever made a peep about it, so you can see why he'd be so happy about keeping quiet. It's all we see or hear of the Hart kid this episode, meaning it's either the world's most random callback or else he's being embedded so as to better blow our minds about something week. You can't trust this show not to freak you out. Veronica goes to leave, but she turns back and tells Beaver she might know someone who can help him. Somebody wants to play matchmaker!
The Woodmanse. Veronica and Gia are studying, and wouldn't you know, Gia is being whiny and annoying. She suggests a study break, while Veronica was thinking more like a practice test. While Gia futzes around with her MySpace -- she used to have, like, a thousand friends and now she's down to nine hundred something! -- Veronica fakes like her laptop just crashed and asks Gia whether she could use one of her family's computers instead. Lucky for Veronica, Gia is too caught up with her MySpace to pull the practice test up on her own laptop. Lucky, also, that the computer Gia points her toward -- in the guest room -- is one that hasn't downloaded the threatening emails yet. Seems to me that a whole lot of people on this show were quite lucky this week. Except, of course, poor Lucky. Veronica pulls out Keith's list of aliases Lucky used to email Woody and brings up the relevant emails. A quick perusal courtesy of the pause button reveals handles such as "misterclean223," "katchenup1," and something with "wrongvsright" in it. Veronica finds a total of five messages from Lucky and forwards them to Keith's email. Then, she finds another email, apparently not sent by Lucky. The address is all numbers -- "" for those of you with Lost tendencies -- and the subject reads, "kill incorporation or else." Veronica is intrigued, so she opens the email to find an audio file of a phone conversation between two young-sounding males. There's also some French-speakingness in the background -- so this is a total dig at Lost, then? -- but the conversation goes like this: "We have to tell people what Woody did to the three of us. It's going to come out some day. A couple of the Sharks had to know about it. They'll come forward. Things like this don't stay secret." "Damn right. Woody's a pervert. He's sick. What he did to us was wrong. We were just kids." Veronica's gobsmacked, because she hasn't seen the last handful of episodes. She scrambles to forward this email to Keith, as well, but as it's sending, the door to the guest room creaks open and Woody Goodman's creeptastic voice asks Veronica what she's doing in there. Commercials! Save us!
So Woody's looming in the doorway like the malevolent scout master he is, and his body language is all menacing and blocking all exit points, though his voice is still the same faux-glad-handing it always is. Veronica's email gets sent the instant before Woody gets a look at the computer screen, and she explains her practice test alibi. He leans over her and wonders how she did on the test, the insincerity dripping off of him: "Are you as smart as you think you are?" "I hope so," Veronica squeaks. She'd like to get back to Gia now. And the sweet, sweet freedom of anywhere but here. Woody excuses her and she hot-foots it back to the study table, where Gia is now not, and quickly grabs her things. As she's bolting, Gia emerges from the kitchen with ice cream sundaes. "Study fuel." Then the music cues go all Halloween on us, as Woody leans on the doorway, across the room and, from our perspective, over Veronica's shoulder. She says that she feels a headache coming on and has to go. Woody speaks and gives her the full-body shivers, saying that it must have been all that staring at the computer screen that did it. Oh, and also how the Goodmans' never has any lights on, ever. No wonder Gia's so goddamn pale and Woody had to set up residence inside a Mystic Tan booth. Maybe now, Veronica will remember to never come back here, ever. It never goes well. ["This was still better than the sleepover, though." -- Couch Baron]
Back at the Mars pad, Veronica plays the recording for her dad, noting the French-speakers in the background. ["Jackie speaks French, yo. What does that mean? I don’t know." -- Couch Baron] ["So did Naima. I know even less." -- Joe R] Keith is more interested in the fact that the first voice mentions "three of us," even though we only hear two voices. He surmises that the gaps in the audio were of a third speaker who was edited out of the recording. Veronica picks up on the mention of "the Sharks," and notes the Lucky/bat boy connection. Veronica asks whether Lucky's emails make mention of him being molested, but Keith says that it's hard to tell amidst all the "soldier's life" ramblings. I felt the same way about Jarhead. She offers to help comb the letters for clues, but Keith pulls the dad card and tells her to get some rest. She has a big day tomorrow.
That big day entails Veronica sitting on a witness stand, with Slimy, Esq. fixing to do something gross, you can just tell. Slimy: "Miss Mars, you find wealth and fame seductive, don't you?" Well, that didn't take long. This earns an objection from the prosecutor, but it's good enough to see where this is all going. Slimy clarifies that Veronica's past two relationships were with rich bitches Duncan and Logan, and that her best friend Lilly was also rotten with money. Veronica tightly affirms this. Slimy asks Veronica whether she looked up to and "emulated" Lilly. Veronica: "To a degree." Which I'm taking to mean, "Logan, but not Weevil." Slimy asks Veronica whether emulating Lilly meant following her friend's footsteps and propositioning Haaron after discovering "the tape of Lilly and my client kissing." Sure it sounds stupid, but people keep telling me that kids smoke because they see people do it on TV, so maybe Slimy thinks hooking up with Haaron is like that. It's certainly as detrimental to your health, if not more so. Veronica clarifies that the "kissing" had a bit more "naked" and "gyrating" to it. Slimy suggests that Veronica watched the tape, found Haaron at the Kane party, and told him if he wanted the tapes back he'd have to "earn them." Veronica jigga-whats and says she never said any such thing. "I didn't proposition Mr. Echolls, he hid in my back seat." Slimy takes off his glasses and rubs his eyes. Hussy girls can be so exasperating sometimes. He gets Veronica to confirm that she's eighteen, and then asks, "And you're currently undergoing treatment for a sexually transmitted disease?" Oh no, he did not! Burn! (Yeah, yeah. That's what she said.) Prosecutor lady objects, but the judge says she'll allow it, because STDs are the best way to know whether a female witness is honest or not. ["To sum up the forum posters’ opinion of the likelihood of this development: As fucking if." -- Couch Baron] In the peanut gallery, Lamb takes a peek at Keith's pained reaction. You'd think that Lamb might be more concerned about STDs being passed around the Neptune High senior class. An off-balance Veronica tells Slimy that she's completed the treatment, while the jury members make mental notes to scrub her testimony with bleach before they touch it.
Outside the courtroom, Keith and Veronica rendezvous, though their eyes don't have much interest in meeting. Keith asks whether Veronica's okay, and she says that she is. Keith: "No, I mean you're okay?" He finally looks at her, and she tells him, yeah, everything's okay now. It will be, so long as you put your arm around your daughter and lead her out of the courthouse, Keith. He does, because he's Keith and, thus, awesome. As the Marses walk past, Lamb smiles sickeningly, looking as exquisitely punchable than I've seen him since the pilot. Veronica's sexual degradation must bring it out in him.
Sacks appears to break Lamb out of his revolting reverie, telling him that "Judge Ferris" wants to see him in chambers. Judge Ferris is not the same judge who's presiding over the Echolls trial. I'm not sure if we've ever seen him before, but he looks and acts like a Texas oil tycoon or one of the shadowy figures behind the scenes in The Pelican Brief. Ferris is sitting in chambers, a dark, sinister place indeed. He's joined by a couple of nameless, faceless suits sitting off to the side, as well as Leonard Lobo, head honcho at the Seven Rivers Casino. They look like they're planning wire fraud or the Kennedy assassination. Lamb enters, and asks what's up. Ferris says that Lobo has been "struck by a bolt of lightning." "Lamb: "What? That he can cash old ladies' social security checks himself and get rid of the slot machines?" I like when Lamb gets all indignant about social injustice, but is still too dickless to do anything about it. Anyway, it looks like Lobo is finally ready to remember that he was with Terrence Cook at the casino on the day of the bus crash. Lamb asks him if he's sure and whether he'd rather take another several months to think it over. I also enjoy that Lamb is ultimately pissed, because this means that the bus crash investigation is open again, and that means more work for him. Lobo goes through the usual "my memory, it's not what it used to be" stuff that lying sacks of crap have been using since Eve was all, "Apple? What apple?" Lamb tells Ferris that if Lobo takes the stand to exonerate Cook, he'll open himself up to questions about his "...dealings." Lamb looks more desperate than devious here, but it looks like he's less concerned about an unreliable witness and more concerned with keeping his neat and tidy case just that. Lobo shoots him down, though, pointing to his two "associates" -- who appear to be less "corporate attorney" and "chief financial officer" and more "Suge Knight" and "Luca Brasi" -- and says either of them could testify to the same information. Looks like Cook's off the hook.
Neptune High: fresh outdoors division. The supremely odd couple of Weevil and Beaver sit at a table, studying. So this was Veronica's solution to Weevil's math problems and Beav's auto issues? Because Beaver getting beaten to death kind of solves neither. Beaver is trying to explain quadratic equations, and it's not going well. Every time he asks Weevil a question, the dude flares up like Ralph Kramden after a particularly hard day. Beav points out an equation in the book and asks Weevil what he thinks the first thing to do is. It's a good tutoring tactic, I find, because it lets you know just what you're working with. In this case, however, Beav's working with a blank slate and a white-hot temper. "Lay it out for me, dawg," demands Weevil, a bit more pleadingly. "Make me understand." Beav tries to come up with an example, saying maybe Weevil and his buddy want to get "a twelve-pack of a certain item. Like spark plugs." Yeah, because when high school kids think of a twelve-pack, they think spark plugs. Beav continues his analogy, in which hypothetical Weevil might want to know how much oil would cost him if it costs "y" times as much. Weevil cottons to this "break it down to the grease monkey's level" stuff as well as you might expect: "If this is your idea of terms I'll understand, I'm gonna kill you. Or myself." Weevil resigns himself to cheating, but Beav wants to know what happens to his car, then. Thing is, Beaver actually seems like he wants Weevil to get it, and while his car is still foremost on his mind, I also think Beaver's shown himself to be a person who, once he sets himself on a project, wants to do it right. Unless by "project," you mean "Mac." Speaking of everyone's favorite undersexed gadget girl, she overhears this tutorial difficulty and interrupts, as Weevil gets to explaining how Beav's door panel "is like a summer home..." (hee). She cuts in from the table: "F-O-I-L. First, outside, inside, last. That's all it is. All Algebra, it's just the formula." Weevil likes the sound of this and asks Mac whether she can teach him. She makes sure he'll still fix Beaver's car if she does, before she takes a seat and gets to work. "Okay. Say you and your buddy buy a twelve-pack of spark plugs." At Weevil's death glare, she assures him she's kidding. Mac and Beaver give each other a couple smiles that cause my adorable meter to start beeping wildly. I could watch this scene all day
Mars Investigations. Keith is trying to reach a "Rick Pickett" ["Woo! Shout-out to the awesome art guy!" -- Couch Baron] through some sort of university personnel, and it looks like he gets hung up on. He calls out to Veronica, asking whether she feels like flying out to New York, hitting up NYU, finding Rick Pickett, and asking him whether he was one of the bat boys Woody molested. Veronica, off-screen: "You know I don't fly coach." Keith expositions that there were three other bat boys who worked for the Sharks when Lucky did -- two are in college and one is backpacking through Europe. Hope he stays away from the Vatican. But I kid the Catholics! Veronica is having some trouble making sense of Lucky's emails, and as Keith reads one aloud, it certainly seems quite...Abdul-ish. "'Time is the timeliness of the present,'" Keith reads. "'I've left you so many presents. If you don't find them they'll find you.'" Something clicks with Veronica at the word "presents." She recalls that, in the janitor's closet (The Janitor's Closet is the name of the blue-collar dive bar I'm opening in downtown Buffalo, by the way) with Gia, Lucky referred to the roadside bomb that gave him his scar as a "present." Keith's all, "Here we go. Gotta save the molester from his chickens coming home to roost."
Cut to Woody's office, where Keith barges in on the mayor at work, re-zoning all the Neptune Chuck E. Cheeses into his own backyard or whatever. Woody faux-nicely tells Keith that he's a little busy, but when Keith says that he'll just start talking if that's what Woody would rather, he dismisses his secretary. Keith tells Woody that he needs to get his family out of the Woodmanse and call the bomb squad. He explains about Lucky's "presents." Woody's face is a grotesque mask of frozen smile and seething disingenuousness as he "calmly" explains to Keith that "Tommy is dead. It's over." Then, and this is disgustingly awesome to watch, Woody pretends to not understand how Keith could have gotten his hands on Lucky's emails. "Wait...Veronica? Most adults don't have their children doing espionage work for them," Woody patronizes. "Most adults," Keith fires back, "keep their hands off of other people's children." The smile drops from Woody's face like lead weights were just clipped to corners of his mouth. Keith stares the stare of righteous anger. Woody thinks Keith should leave. Keith says that Lucky's emails were more than just the rantings of a disgruntled employee. Woody stands up and forces the smile back into its place on his awful plastic face. He says if Keith shares his "slander" with anyone, he'll ruin Keith. Veronica, too. Keith: "I'm not a fifteen-year-old boy, Woody. I'm not afraid of you." Yeah, I think it's safe to say Keith Mars doesn't have much of a problem risking his reputation at the hands of the Neptune muckity-mucks, historically.
Jackie and Wallace return to her pad with groceries. Apparently, girlfriend has some "culinary magic" to work. Wallace suggests a frilly apron, because...he really wanted to say something, I guess. No other reason for that line. Thankfully, we're spared more of Wallace's dorkulating by the sound of Terrence Cook calling out for Jackie from the room. Daddy's out of hospital jail! Jackie leaps up into his arms and grabs his face with both hands. Not dating! Not dating!
Back from commercial, the Cooks-plus-Wallace are discussing how Terrence got sprung. All he knows is that "a witness came forward," and considering that Cook himself knows what his alibi was, you might think he'd be a tad nervous as to what this all entails. Eh, give him a minute. He will be. This whole time, Wallace is observing from a distance, happy, but unsure of where he fits in with Jackie's new triangulated crossfire of daddy/boyfriend issues. I've ended up liking the girl a hell of a lot more than I ever expected to, but she's still got loads of baggage, most of which comes in the form of a guy who just got sprung from hospital jail. Still smiling, Wallace offers to let Jackie and her dad celebrate by themselves, to which Jackie immediately protests. She wants to spend time with her "two favorite men in the whole world." There's a knock at the door, and in case you were wondering, it's not her third favorite guy in the whole world. Who would that even be? Drunk Logan from Homecoming? The Freaks And Geeks character she took to Sadie Hawkins? Anyway, no. It's Lobo, and when Jackie answers the door, he makes a skin-crawlingly lecherous comment about how, not fifteen minutes out of jail, Cook's got a "sweet young thing" waiting on him. Not dating! Cook's like, "She's my daughter, asshole," though, that last part is silent because he's still scared shitless of the guy. Wallace -- I'm not sure whether he knows something untoward is going on or not -- calls for Jackie to help him get dinner started. After she leaves, Lobo asks Cook whether he doesn't want to say "thank you." Cook realizes his release just got fitted for strings. Cook starts sputtering that, once he gets back on his feet, he'll pay back that money he owes. Lobo laughs at Cook's stupidity, and reminds him that disgraced ex-jocks who throw playoff games don't have a whole lot of earning potential. Oh, like Cook couldn't write a book. Whatever. Lobo's vision is more along the lines of Cook as celebrity greeter at Seven Rivers. Y'all, if Cook is looking for a job in the casino industry, he could really make a go of it as a Dealertainer. If they don't accept him as himself, at the very least he'd make a swell Elwood Blues. Anyway, the point is that Cook is Lobo's casino bitch for the , say, ten years. Cook's all, "Damn, at least in the hospital jail I didn't have to be on my feet for ten hours."
VMVO awaits us in the Neptune High hallway as Veronica steels herself for yet another awkward conversation is a season full of them: "After a week of forced smiles and the occasional 'hey,' it's time for business as usual. Ain't epic love grand?" So Logan. He's standing at his locker, as he so often does, as Veronica asks him whether he's been to any good murder trials lately. For the grand guignol that is their relationship, it's not a bad line. Logan compliments her "gripping" testimony. Veronica wants to ask him something. Knowing he's got the stage all to himself, Logan does the Catalano-lean against the locker door, and quips that it's so rare that Veronica comes at him with a random weird-ass question. She asks him whether he'd ever heard Lucky talk about Woody, or about being a bat boy for the Sharks. Logan, looking off to the side for some odd (Method?) reason, says Lucky never talked about the Sharks. Logan does, however, recall a "weird, semi-baseball-related incident" from the summertime, and hello blue-tinted flashback! I was hoping we'd run into each other! Logan enters the boys' locker room to find Lucky without shoes or shirt (let's assume he also went sans-"service," lest that particular adage be proven untrue). He is, however, wearing a catcher's mask, and a big ol' "boo!" to the writers for making the recapper to go to the pitcher/catcher place. My mind is flipping you all the bird. As if this whole scene wasn't already weird enough, Lucky is also pouring bleach onto his feet and babbling to Logan (though you'd figure he'd be just as likely to be saying this to the walls) that "they're doin' something to me. Or else I'm poisoning myself." Logan's like, "Yeeeeah. We need a keg delivered to the beach." Oh, Logan, again with the alcohol? Between dead Felix and last week's alterna-prom debacle, maybe a switch to Diet Coke wouldn't be so awful. ["But it looks like I was right about Lucky supplying the beer for the crash party." -- Couch Baron] End flashback. Veronica's like, "Catcher's mask, eh?" Logan: "And I thought the weird part was the foot-bleaching." Seems Lucky would wear the mask whenever, as Logan puts it, "we would go into battle." Because when you're torching a community pool out of spite, it's good to have backup whose faces are protected. Logan thought the mask was a mere "affectation." He'd know.
Back in court, Keith has taken the stand and is explaining how he saved Veronica from Haaron at the end of last season. Slimy explains Haaron's interpretation of events: Veronica lost control of her car and crashed it; she and Haaron knocked on the door of a nearby house, asked the owner to call a tow, and they both waited for it on the man's porch. Keith arrived, "saw [Veronica] in a compromising position with Mr. Echolls," and started a fight with Haaron. Slimy says that this version of events -- which doesn't exactly address the whole issue of the fridge set on fire, unless, while rolling around fighting, Keith and Haaron accidentally tipped over the gas can, poured it all over the fridge, and lit it, accidentally -- has been corroborated by the home owner. Prosecution objects that said home owner went missing before being questioned by the state. , Slimy asks Keith whether his daughter has ever lied to him. Heh. Veronica inspects her shoes, because she's never told them a lie. Discretion being the better part of valor, Keith chooses to go the "teenage girls fib, sir" route rather than the "well, there was this time she helped her boyfriend abduct a baby and skip town" route. Slimy asks whether Keith expects he's been told the truth on the "big issues." Keith says he does, which: dumb. Because: chlamydia. Also: he's got to know by this point that Slimy's got something to back this up. Slimy brings up Veronica breaking into the Mannings' house and also how she turns up in Leo's disciplinary file for sneaking into the records room while he was on duty. I'd look for a hyperlink, but she did that in pretty much every episode in Season 1, right? Also, not to nitpick, but wouldn't Keith have known Leo's disciplinary file pretty well after investigating him for lifting the sex tapes? Yet Keith says he didn't know. And then Slimy brings up that very investigation! It's madness! The guest recapper shouldn't be able to spot a continuity error on this show, and certainly not one that blatant. Which makes me think I missed something, though it's all kind of right there in the open. Whatever. Anyway. Slimy suggests a scenario in which Veronica used her clap-ridden feminine wiles to seduce one "boyfriend" (Leo -- air quotes courtesy of Slimy, by the by) into giving the tapes to another "boyfriend" (Logan) so as to destroy them in the hopes exonerating yet another "boyfriend" (Duncan). That's too many air quotes and too few feet between himself and Keith on Slimy's part. Keith grabs Slimy by the tie and yanks his head halfway into the witness box: "Any more air quotes and I'll break those fingers off." The judge wants Keith escorted to a jail cell for contempt or whatever, but Slimy waives the bailiff off. He's already gotten the good guy to act crazed. Also, Madam Prosecutor, way to not object to Slimy's line of speculation that had no bearing on the witness whatsoever. I'm no law-talkin' guy, but you'd think the prosecution would have at least given that a shot. "Your honor! Speculation!" I'm sure I've heard that one on TV before.
Neptune High study room. Probably a math classroom, what with the giant Pi symbol on the wall. Mac is correcting Weevil's work, as Beav looks on from behind her. Her red pen seems to be getting a workout. Weevil says that if she puts one more "X" on his paper, they're going to have a problem. "I'd put little smiley faces," says Mac, "but I don't know if that's gonna sell 'wrong.'" Beaver backseat-tutors that she went too fast on differential equations. Mac's all "bitch, please." Beav says that she plowed right through: "Even I didn't know what you were talking about." Mac says that's no surprise. Beav asks whether she's saying that he's smarter than he is. Weevil looks around for something sharp and stabby. Mac says that if she wanted to tell Beav she was smarter than he, it'd sound a lot more like "I'm smarter than you." Beaver literally can't stop smiling, because math flirting is the best flirting there is. "Math clubbers do it until they approach the limit," or some such phrase that would probably turn out cleverer if I hadn't blocked out all memories of Pre-Calc. Beav: "If this is what you need to do to feel better about yourself." Mac, to Weevil: "If I get you an 'A,' will you shiv him?" Weevil's had about all the cute he can stand and suggests that the two "lovebirds" find a coat room, work out their aggression, and then actually teach him some damn Algebra. Of course, he doesn't realize how poor Beav's been unwilling/unable to "work out his aggression" in that manner at all, and if you think that it doesn't scare the shit out of me with one (unspoiled) episode to go, well.... Never mind, not even thinking about it, because right now: Beav and Mac are grinning at each other like the cutest cutes to ever cute; Weevil would give anything for a rocket launcher; and I'm writing the CW and demanding a Three's Company-esque spinoff for the fall.
Veronica returns to Chez Mars all sunshine, and quips that all the research she did today was nice and legal, not to mention done from the safety of Neptune High. Ha! "Safety." Good one, V. Keith doesn't find it quite so funny, but is willing to get down to business. She passes on the info about Lucky's foot-bleaching, catcher's-mask-wearing escapades: "This is who they hire at my school." Take her school board. Please! Like father, like daughter, Keith is also most intrigued by the catcher's mask part. He pulls up the original Goodman stalker video and points out a painting in Woody's dining room. It's of a catcher's mask. Keith gets up to make a phone call to Inga about a possible bomb hidden behind said painting, as Veronica keeps running the video. She's puzzled as to why the cameraman (who I'm going to assume is still Lucky, but who the hell knows?) is focusing on the framed photos on the walls. She slows it down and realizes it's a close-up of various little-league team photos. Seems Woody sponsored a team called the Sharks. The one particular photo causes Veronica to gasp. She pulls out a file, confirms what she thinks she sees, and calls Keith over: "That's Marcos Olivarez. That's Peter Ferrer. Two of the bus crash victims were on Woody's little league team." You'll recall that Peter was the gay student who was bragging about the "outing of all outings," while Marcos was the "sexually on the fence" pirate radio host. Gruesome subject matter aside, I do enjoy it when a plot arc comes together.
Back from the break, the Bomb Squad is camped outside the Woodmanse, a crisis having seemingly been averted. A bathrobed Woody charges up to Lamb and asks how long this whole ordeal is going to take. Showtime's running L.I.E. at 11, and he's oddly never seen how it ends up. Lamb explains that they found a bomb underneath Woody's car, and that they've done a thorough sweep of the house, which is clear. "Your stalker obviously meant business," says Lamb, who walks away and leaves Woody to contemplate just how many other potential bomb-wielding maniacs he's created along the way.
Casa Cook. Terrence enters wearing the Sonny Crockett special, as Jackie appears to be finishing her breakfast. Late night, Dad? Terrence tightly says that he was working, not out having fun. Jackie, naturally, is curious as to her father's new business endeavor. He just glares at her and brushes her off with a cryptic "The kind of work I have to do, okay?" Um, sure, asshole. It's nice that your gambling debts and game fixing have given you a nice, healthy sense of shame and all, but maybe you could try giving your own daughter a damn break? Jackie absorbs that body blow and sticks her neck out yet again with an offer for a celebration on his night off. Cook says that he can't make any plans right now, though he fails to add that it's because Lobo could yank on the string he's got tied around Cook's balls and haul him back to the casino at any time. Jackie lies that she's cool. She says that they've got some time yet, seeing as she's planning on forgoing the Sorbonne to stay in Neptune for at least a semester. Cook sadly tells her that he doesn't think it's such a good idea, what with him traveling and his unpredictable schedule and all. "It's not fair to you," he adds. Jackie says that she doesn't mind, but her dad quickly adds, "It's not fair to either of us. I think it's in both of our interests if you just go to France." Defeated by her own dad, again, some more, Jackie's face falls. You know, Cook's damn lucky this episode also features Haaron and Woody, because about all he's got going for himself right now is that he's not having sex with minors. Not dating! NOT DATING!
Lamb's office sees the sheriff with his feet up on his desk, listening to the soothing sounds of "Woody's a pervert" on the incriminating audio file. Keith stops the recording and lays it out for Lamb: that's Marcos and Peter, both of them bus crash victims. Veronica says that she got Mr. Wu to verify Peter's voice, while she has recordings of Marcos's radio show to verify his voice. Keith extra-super-double-explains that, with Marcos and Peter about to come forward about the molestation, Woody planted a bomb on the bus in order to shut them up, but good. Lamb asks, "Then he used the same type of phone-activated bomb on his own car to blow himself up?" Keith and Veronica jigga-what, as Lamb tells Keith he was right the first time: Lucky planted a bomb at Woody's place. Lamb also says that Lucky blew off work on the day of the crash. So...Lucky did it? Jeez, Lamb, that was like three scenarios ago, keep up. Keith basically says as much. Though, once again, you gotta love the internal consistency of Lamb. "Lucky's the real killer, and...what's that? He's dead? Well, investigation over, I suppose. Maybe I'll give Madison a call." Also true to form, Lamb suggests that Keith just wants to get him to accuse the mayor of child abuse and murder, thus making Lamb a laughingstock. Again. "Well it aint gonna happen." Keith is flabbergasted that even Lamb could be so egotistical as to make a bus crash that killed eight people all about her. I mean him! Him! And where did that hyperlink come from? Keith's using his outdoor voice now, as he tells Lamb that if he doesn't make a move quickly, Woody's going to use all his mayorly resources to skip town, and instead of a laughingstock, Lamb will be the guy who let a kiddie rapist and bus killer get away. Veronica awesomely just closes her eyes as Keith's saying this, because she knows Lamb is exactly the kind of guy who would let something like that happen out of laziness or spite or whatever base instinct is motivating Lamb at this moment.
Courtroom. Logan is in the witness chair, and the first words we hear him say are, "There was just some fuzz. Static. No picture," and for a second I actually believe that he took his dad's advice. Which makes no sense, so I'm an idiot, as usual. No, the static was just at first. After that, Logan explains, the tape showed a bra-clad Lilly, "sitting on top of someone, writhing." He explains how Haaron rolled on top of her and gave that disgusting smile right into the camera. Ready for his close-up, Mr. DeVOMIT. Logan says they were unmistakably having sex. On cross-examination, Slimy gets Logan to confirm that he was granted immunity from prosecution for evidence tampering in exchange for his testimony. ["Preposterous, that question being allowed." -- Couch Baron] No questions from Slimy about Logan's bumfights or murder accusations, and whether that's because Haaron instructed him not to or because boys aren't dirty slut whores who make shit up, we don't know.
Weevil's in the math classroom (same one from the last tutoring scene, thank you Pi symbol!), yawning what is no doubt a bad-ass yawn. Looks like the studying session went late into the night. Hope Mac and Beav are okay and not beaten to death or anything. He gives the cross around his neck a kiss for good luck...
...which obviously doesn't do a damn bit of good, because the thing we see is a mother and her two young boys enter the police station. It's the two nosy little kids who saw Weevil chloroform Thumper before he left him to die at the hands of the Fitzpatricks. Not Weevil's finest hour, no matter how satisfying the conclusion was. The mother hands Sacks a newspaper with an article about Thumper's death. I was about to call bullshit on the newspaper giving a damn about a missing PCHer, but the headline says that Thumper's body had already been found at the stadium and had just been identified, and I will concede that death-by-stadium is newsworthy no matter who you are. Mom says her two little finks saw someone attack Thumper on the night he was killed. Lamb snatches the paper away and asks the boys whether they feel like looking at some photos.
Weevil paces in the crazy dark (as usual) classroom -- I have no idea how anybody's vision manages to survive after a day in Neptune, Land of Shadows -- waiting for his exam to be graded. The teacher, who looks like Judith Ivey in profile, finishes and hands him his "B" grade with a "congratulations, Eli." Eli "hell-yeah"s and is so happy, and it's so, so sad.
Fink and Finkier page through Lamb's Big Book of Felons and finally find the page with Weevil's mug shot. "It was this guy." Lamb smiles, because all he needed was a reason. He's not able to revel too long, though, as Keith approaches with some paperwork that says Lucky was "in a padded cell at a VA hospital" the day of the bus crash. That's why he wasn't at work. Once again, bang-up job, Neptune school board! Lamb looks about ready to pass a kidney stone, as he calls Sacks over and tells Keith he'll go pick Woody up. Sacks appears with even more news: Haaron's verdict is in.
Neptune High hallway. Wallace swaggers up to Veronica -- who is last-minute cramming -- and crows about being done with his last final: "I'm outta here." "And you decided to celebrate by torturing me?" Veronica asks good-naturedly. Western Civ still looms momentarily. Wallace's smile fades, and he meaningfully says he's off to clean out his locker. Forever. Veronica's still got ancient Babylon on the brain, though, so she doesn't pick up the hint. "You better enjoy this," Wallace says, "because this is as nostalgic as I get." Veronica lifts her head out of her book like she just now realizes what this whole "end of high school" thing really means. Wallace: "I just wanted to say, it was worth getting taped to a flagpole. I'm gonna miss you." Aw! Wallace! Veronica smiles sadly and looks like she's choosing between hugs or humor. "And my stupid-ass face?" she asks. Humor, then. Wallace says that the plans to pick up his "lady" and do some celebrating and wishes Veronica luck. As he walks down the hallway, he turns and calls out to her that this conversation never happened. "Sure it did," she replies. And it may have gotten her thinking, too.
Cut to another classroom shrouded in darkness. As the teacher passes out the exams, Veronica can see Wallace at his locker through the open doorway. Strummy la la music plays, as she watches her best friend prepare to clear his way out of her life for the second time in a year. The teacher closes the door, and Wallace is gone. Veronica looks contemplative for a split second, before her Sidekick starts buzzing. It's a message from Keith telling her the verdict is in. VMVO reads us the message in case anyone was still wiping tears from their eyes after the last scene. Veronica's face reads something like "of course it fucking would be right now," and she gives the exam a valiant five-second try before dropping her pen and hopping out the door. It's nice how it's the combination of her coming to her senses about Wallace and her insatiable urge to see assholes get what's coming to them that will ultimately keep Veronica in Neptune.
Wallace approaches the front door at Jackie's, but when he knocks, it’s Cook who answers. Cook sadly, and yet a little exasperatingly, tells Wallace she's not there. And she won't be there later. She's gone to France and she's not coming back. He hands Wallace a note and says he's sorry. Wallace swallows hard, looking even tinier against the backdrop of Jackie's giant (closed) front doors.
Courtroom. Keith asks Lamb whether he's got Woody in custody yet, but Lamb says Woody's gone. Lamb's voice cracks a bit, as he says Woody took his private jet on an uncharted course. Destination: Neverland. Keith sighs and shakes his head, because didn't he say?? Quiet now! Verdict's in. Veronica and Keith sit side by side -- with Logan, again, off on his own, mouth gaping open like a Volkswagon could park inside it.. Haaron and Slimy rise as the foreperson reads the verdict: "On the count of murder in the second degree, we find the defendant...not guilty." Keith closes his eyes sadly. Veronica's stay open, frozen on Haaron. A lot of the spectators are thrilled at the news, as you would expect in a celebrity murder trial like this. He's also found not guilty on the charges of aggravated assault and statutory rape. Haaron and Slimy hug, as Logan swallows hard. Veronica's face twists into a grimace as she can't take her eyes off her best friend's killer, and Haaron shakes hands and congratulates his team of lizards. Finally, he turns toward Veronica and looks directly at her, satisfaction beaming all over his awful face. She's finally able to look down, and she starts to cry as the screen fades to credits. Dammit, Echolls men! Stop making Veronica cry at the ends of episodes!