Episode Report Card Keckler: A+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Best. Episode. Ever.
By Keckler | Season 4 | Episode 18 | Aired on 04.21.2005
In whatever the room is where you can brief with cool computers but also sit at a long table, T'Pevil and the Vulcan Science Directorate snort at the idea of a parallel universe. Evil Leaper explains, "The Tholians are a little more open-minded than your people. They detonated a tri-cobalt warhead, here [he points at a screen], inside the gravity well of a dead star. The explosion created an interphasic rift -- a doorway -- into another universe." Since I've been watching the NOVA special on String Theory, this actually makes sense to me. "A doorway?" Evil Trinneevil repeats. Half his face is skeptical. The other half is melted. "The rift was unstable. It was too dangerous to send one of their own ships through, so [the Tholians] transmitted a distress call into the opening, hoping to lure a ship from the other side. Their plan worked brilliantly," Evil Leaper goes on. I quoted all that explanation because for those familiar with "The Tholian Web," this theory meshes exactly with what could have happened to Defiant when it phased out. In fact, Dr. Mathra is of the opinion that this episode was so tight, so well written, that it's almost as if "The Tholian Web" was written specifically so this episode could come along and be all good and shit. She-Ho wonders how he learned all this. "The Tholians relied on outside laborers, humanoids -- some of them can be bought for the right price," Evil Leaper states, waving his head around in that way he's gotten so fond of lately. The extreme stiffness of his delivery convinces me that This Will Be Important Later. Like, way to telegraph it, Bakula. Evil Leaper displays some images he got from his OUTSIDE LABORERS, HUMANOIDS contact. It's a big rock with something stuck inside of it. "You kin hardly see ennythang!" Evil Trinneevil bitches. Well, you can't -- you've only got one eye. Evil Leaper enhances the image by three alpha. They realize it's an Earth ship. "According to some theories, everything that exists in our universe should also exist there," Evil Leaper explains, nodding vigorously. "Another Terran Empire. Another Starfleet," She-Ho says all seductively. Evil Trinneevil twitches, "So WHAT? How does this help us?" He's Bones-crabby -- it's awesome! Evil Leaper -- and I'm sorry, but his delivery is just SO atrocious here -- says that they quantum-dated the hull and determined it to be from one hundred years in the future. Evil Leaper slobbers over the advanced technology and weaponry they could grab off of the ship. T'Pevil thinks it's all ludicrous and a trap. She also wants to go on about Evil Leaper's recent mutiny. Forrest tells her to shut up because they're investigating it. He wants the cloaking device back online. Evil Leaper sneers at T'Pevil. She just stares steadily back at him. Ah, it's like Season One all over again!
Engineering. T'Pevil marches in to get a progress report from Evil Trinneevil. Evil Trinneevil growls that he needs to do a few more things. "I spent four hours in the booth because of you!" Evil Trinneevil bellows next. T'Pevil tells him to take it up with Evil Leaper's furrows, not her. Evil Trinneevil accuses her of the sabotage and frame-up. "You're mistaken," T'Pevil tells him calmly. The hell Evil Trinneevil is, he thinks he'd remember if he committed sabotage. "Not necessarily," T'Pevil sneers. Half Evil Trinneevil's face gets wary. The other half stays melted. "What did you do to me?" Evil Trinneevil demands. "I lured you away from Engineering with the promise of sexual encounter," T'Pevil explains. We get a flashback shot of the two of them making out before T'Pevil slaps a mind-meld on him. She implanted a telepathic suggestion in his mind, which compelled him to sabotage the grid. "After you completed the assignment, we melded again. I altered your memory of what had happened," T'Pevil says, backing into a corner but not looking the least bit afraid of Evil Trinneevil. Or his melted face. Basically, T'Pevil's saying that she can have sex with Evil Trinneevil whenever she wants and then just erase his memory of it. Evil Trinneevil advances on her: "You're gonna regret what you did!" "Threats are illogical," T'Pevil says, which is, as Couch Baron reminded me, exactly what Sarek the Hot said in "Journey to Babel." Cool. Evil Trinneevil slams his hand on the bulkhead. But it's all for show, he was just abusing the comm button. He tells the Bridge they're good to go.