Episode Report Card Joe R: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Wire Transfer
By Joe R | Season 1 | Episode 4 | Aired on 09.11.2005
Michael moseys his way back to his cell to find Haywire arranging several pages of tattoo sketches. He thinks he's on to something: "It's a pathway. Where does it lead?" Michael tries to snatch a sketch out of Haywire's hand, but it gets pulled back. Haywire makes a grab at Michael all "where are you taking me?" Michael shoves him off and then takes a different tack. He faces the bars of his cell, grabs on with two hands, and then slams his head into the bars, dead on. And again. Haywire is taken aback: "What are you, nuts?" Irony! Clutching his bleeding forehead, Michael calls for an officer. A couple COs are happy to oblige. Haywire starts raving about the tattoos, and gets a shot of pepper spray for his trouble. As he's dragged away, he keeps on about the "pathway." "It leads to hell! He's taking us all to hell!" I really liked how the episode was littered with red herrings about how Michael was going to deal with Haywire. The toothpaste, the poison, Abruzzi. And in the end, all it took was banging his head against the wall, so to speak. As Haywire's ranting fades away, Michael and his rugged trickle of blood look pretty satisfied, the crazy cellmate threat having been neutralized. For now.
Commercials. Tony Little can ride his exercise machine straight into hell as far as I'm concerned. See how far his Geico savings get him there. ["I kind of love that guy, actually. 'YOU can do IIIIIT!!'" -- Sars]
Aw, the band's getting back together again. Bellick accompanies Sucre on his return to the No-Tell Prison Cell. Bellick tries to be all bad-ass about it, up in Michael's face with "I told you not to go around my back to the Pope. But you just had to keep making waves, didn't you?" I'm not sure what Bellick's trying to say there. He seems to realize that Michael's getting his way after all by getting rid of Haywire. But he's acting like he still got the last laugh. Does he think Sucre's still pissed at Michael, thus apt to make his life hellish? Because there's an eight-foot-wide smile on Sucre's face that seems to belie that fact. Nice poker face, Digging Machine. When the COs leave, the odd couple exchange "good to be back/have you back" pleasantries, then make a charmingly inept attempt at a handshake/hand pound. I like them. They're like Perfect Strangers crossed with Pinky and the Brain. Sucre asks when they begin. He's answered by knowing silence. Well, that's the dynamic.
To the Infirmary! Michael figures if Dr. Tancredi is going to keep him waiting this long, he's just going to pour toxic chemicals down a giant grate on the floor. Yes, he empties the contents of his tubes of toothpaste down the drain, and, just as we saw in the flashback, the intended "bathtub Guinness" effect is achieved. There's bubbling and fizzing, and I'm going to assume this is eating through some pipes or the floor or whatnot. After he's done, Tancredi enters, dispensing with any flirty banter. Noting the self-inflicted cut on his left eyebrow, she asks what happened. "Caught an elbow playing basketball," he smirks. The good doctor is not amused. As she inspects the cut, she lays it out for Michael: "You know you're gonna get killed in here, right? If you're not careful?" Michael answers this sobering warning with more smugness. He offers a bet, that "when" he gets out of Fox River, alive, he'll take her to dinner. At her silence, he bargains down to lunch, then a cup of coffee. Tancredi's not taking his shit today. "Michael, this charm act could be exactly what's getting you into trouble out in the yard." Sufficiently chastised, Michael leans forward for his eye bandage as the Guinness foam fizzes from the grate in the background. Nice stuff from Sarah Wayne Callies in this scene, I thought.