Episode Report Card Joe R: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Wire Transfer
By Joe R | Season 1 | Episode 4 | Aired on 09.11.2005
Back in the yard, we see Michael walking past a loony-tunes Haywire. Aaaagain. This time, it's Haywire who's staring into the middle distance. And he's got a sketch pad of some sort on which he's clearly drawing a piece of the tattoo. You know, drawing a replica of Michael's tattoos from memory is really a task that involves a great deal of concentration and attention to detail. Would you believe that patients with Schizoaffective Disorder are easily distracted and have difficulty following a moving object with their eyes? I love how being mentally ill on TV really means that you have superpowers.
Cut to Sucre, walking with purpose across the yard towards Michael, the man he scorned last week. "I want back in," he demands. Michael's in the mood to make him beg. Sucre: "I'll do anything you need. You see these hands? They're digging machines. You want to go to China? I'll get you to China. I'll dig like a psychotic rodent if I have to. Fish, I gotta be back in!" Michael points to "Van Gogh over there" as his current cellie. Sucre asks of Michael's gonna do something about that. Michael: "I'll do what's necessary." At this Sucre smiles as wide as all of Joliet and grips Michael in a powerful man-hug. "You're my boy," he nearly squeals. At this display of childlike exuberance and utter dorkitude, Michael can't help but smile. Nice moment, there. After he regains his composure, Sucre asks what Michael's got planned for Haywire. Michael: "Well, let's just put it this way: someone's gonna get hurt." An associational edit to Haywire -- who's looking like eight miles of bad road, even for him -- starts to draw conclusions for us.
A scenic pastoral home somewhere in America. Looks like we're back at the home of the Martha Stewart of the Western Frontier. Martha is still being ably played by Patricia Wettig's hands and mouth. We see her ominously pick up a kitchen knife, which makes that cool zhhing! sound that my kitchen knives never make, and place a phone call to, as it turns out, Agents Kellerman and Hale. Martha: "How'd we miss this, guys?" Kellerman: "Scofield's father was out of the picture by the time he was born. Took his mother's maiden name." Notice he doesn't say anything about Michael's father being Lincoln's father also, although you'd assume that if they did have separate fathers, Kellerman would have just offered that as his explanation. Anyway, Martha runs down the salient points about Michael from the pilot: no priors; engineering job; discharges a firearm, ensuring he'll get a federal sentence at Fox River. It doesn't sound like they've caught on to the whole Michael-designed-the-prison thing, but they've certainly got enough. As Martha continues to menacingly julienne her Red Bell Pepper of Sinister Intent, she orders the agents to "move on the brother...preemptively before anything rises up to bite any of us in the ass." Don't worry, Martha. Worst case, you do five months in minimum security and then get your own reality TV show.