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Between bouts of twitching and looking all bug-eyed, Haywire can't seem to stop staring at Michael's tattoos. To get rid of the unwanted attention, Michael devises an elaborate plan that involves Abruzzi and toothpasteâ¦and ultimately banging his head against his cell bars until he bleeds and blaming the crazy guy for his injury. Genius. Lincoln seems to be more and more apprehensive about meeting his death in the electric chair (go figure), so he's greatly relieved to hear that Veronica has officially taken up the cause as his lawyer. Lucky for him he hasn't been watching Veronica at work like we have. At Linc's suggestion, Veronica pleads his case to the anti-death penalty group Project Justice. In keeping with Veronica's track record, the meeting is not successful. Fortunately, she manages to win over an attractive junior lawyer named Nick who agrees to help out on his own time. In short order, Veronica and Nick uncover some suspects for the frame-up, including Big Oil (apparently the V.P.'s brother was into alternative energy) and a gunrunner named Bo who had threatened to kill LJ. Sucre gets a visit from Hector, who politely announces that he'll be taking the conjugals with Maricruz from now on, thank you. Predictably, this helps Sucre warm up to Michael's escape plan, and soon enough he's back in the old cell, calling Michael his Papi (uh, literally). Warden Pope tries to get Bellick to lighten up on Michael, with predictable results (i.e. some bloody toe-stump stomping). Meanwhile, Agents Hale and Kellerman somehow catch wise to the fact that Linc has a brother in prison, and at the urging of the Martha Stewart of the Western Frontier, they come up with a solution. Namely, Michael's going to get transferred tomorrow. Well, sure, if they want to be boring about it. Oh! And Michael makes progress on his great escape, mostly by concocting a chemical formula to make what appears to be bathtub Guinness. And without Haywire around making googly eyes at his tats and otherwise cramping his style, he also manages to bust through his cell wall, thanks to some well-timed warbling by Sucre. Success! Too bad about that whole getting-transferred-tomorrow thing. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
We start off this week's episode with last week's previouslies. No lie, it's exactly the same "previously on" footage we got last week, but with one miniscule "meet your new cellie" clip introducing Haywire. It even cliffhangers at the point where Abruzzi is about to have Michael's toes cut off. Will he?1 Well, yeah, he will. And did. Last week. Look for Brett Ratner to bring just this kind of expert attention to detail to X-Men 3 (stinking up theatres in 2006!).We open the episode in earnest with Lincoln lying in his artfully lit cell on death row. (But the toes! What happened with the toes?! Don't leave me hanging!) Lincoln's restful sleep, where he's only marginally less animated than normal, is interrupted by Bellick and his gang of nameless COs. We know Bellick has a name because Linc keeps yelling it over and over. The guards haul Linc out of his cell and drag him down the hall into yet another starkly lit room. Man, when Michael designed this place, he did not fuck around with the mood lighting. Very fourth-season West Wing. This room features an electric chair, which understandably freaks Lincoln out a bit.
In what is so clearly not a dream sequence, Linc struggles and argues in vain that he's got a month left. The guards strap him down, do that sponge on the head thing so Linc won't go all Bad Death of Eduard Delacroix on us, blindfold the poor bastard, and get ready to pull the switch. Before they do, Not Dream Bellick leans over his hyperventilating captive: "Make your peace, Lincoln." The switch is pulled, the electricity goes bzzz, aaaaaaand…dream. Unexpected! So it seems that Linc's not as enthused about dying as we might have expected. That's some penetrating insight right there.
Back at the No-Tell Prison Cell, Michael is hard at work, digging at the grout around the cinderblocks behind the sink. His head's on a swivel, but he's working pretty brazenly for a guy with a cellmate who never sleeps. Ah, but we soon find out why that is, as Michael quickly puts the fixtures back into place just in time for the guards to return Haywire to the cell. And...can I ask what's up with half the characters on this show having G.I. Joe names? Haywire, Maytag, C-Note...I keep waiting for them to join Alpine and Bazooka on a mission to capture the Baroness.
Michael splashes some water on the chiseled face for which Eric Roberts was no match and tests the can-I-trust-the-crazy waters: "Haywire, you ever thought of breaking out?" Haywire scoffs, "What the hell would I do out there?" He runs down a laundry list of hassles, including halfway houses, psych visits, and parole officers. None of which, I might add, he'd really have to worry about if he, you know, broke out and became a fugitive from justice. He'd like to know why Michael's so curious, though. "This guy was talking about it in the yard yesterday," Michael untruthitudes, "I didn't know what to say." Haywire suggests Michael rat the guy out to Bellick in exchange for preferential treatment. Michael mentally checks his cellmate off the list of people he can safely spill his plans to, disappointed that he won't be able to wear the "I'm Planning An Escape, Ask Me How" sandwich board he just acquired.
But before Haywire can finish his train of thought, he becomes distracted by the tattoos that aren't currently obscured by Michael's wifebeater. He's intrigued, but Michael assures him, "They're just tattoos." Before Haywire can interrogate him further, a CO and a medical type arrive with his meds. "They think I have schizoaffective disorder with bipolar tendencies," he confides to his inky new friend. "Think you got it?" the CO asks, incredulous. Heh. Although, Haywire might not be wrong to question his diagnosis, especially since events in this episode appear to contradict it. But we'll get into that later. For now, Haywire downs his pills, "to keep the quacks off [his] back," and offers a clean mouth as proof that he swallowed. Of course, as soon as the doctor and guard leave, Haywire gets to the business of yakking them right back up into the toilet. He crazies for a bit about how the pills keep him in "invisible handcuffs," but soon finds himself back on the subject of Michael's ink. "You mind if I, you know, look at the whole thing?" The entirety of the Prison Break forums gasp at the revelation that they're thinking the same thing as the designated crazy guy. Michael plays the party pooper, though, and turns down the request without explanation.
Out in the Lushly Sodded Exercise Yard, Michael gets the brush-off from a prickly Sucre, who really isn't living up to his name. It's the kind of satisfying irony you can also find in strippers named Chastity. As Michael's gaze follows his ex-cellie out of the yard, he picks up his new cellie, whose bug eyes are actually outside the sphere of his head as he stares intently back. That was...unsubtle. Michael turns away from this freakazoid and obliges the audience with a peek at this week's relevant piece of tattoo. On the inside of his left forearm, there's what looks like a jug pouring out liquid. The jug is labeled "Cute Poison."
Flashback! A pre-prison Michael is hard at work. His Great Escape Wall is adorned with photos and clippings and plans. In particular, we're led to a chemical formula that been posted. The formula, which before-Michael helpfully labels "Cute Poison," is intended to yield H3PO4, which is phosphoric acid. Some other chemical symbol refers to copper sulfate (CuO4S). Thanks, pause button! Michael's science-nerd reverie is interrupted by Abruzzi, whose hair, by the way, could use a little chemical formula known as VO5, but I digress. Abruzzi seems to think there's a hitch in the escape plan, a notion he gathered by observing Michael's middle-distance stare-a-thon from across the yard. See, Michael? That look is going to get you into trouble. Prodded, Michael alludes to a still bug-eyed, still staring Haywire as his new cellmate. "That's a problem," says an exasperated Abruzzi. Michael: "He doesn't sleep." Abruzzi: "So when do you dig?" Michael: "I don't." Michael says this last bit with a "them's the breaks" attitude entirely unbefitting a guy with eight toes. Abruzzi tells him to get his shit together, lest he have to make good on a threat to "gut" him. Michael at least has the grace to look mildly concerned, and as he watches Abruzzi exit, he finds that his precious middle distance is still being occupied by Bugfuck McTwitch. He's taken Michael's eye line. Now, it's personal.
Credits. Who exactly did Dominic Purcell have to blow to get top billing over Wentworth Miller? Unless, maybe the higher ups at FOX had seen John Doe and Blade Trinity, decided he'd done enough blowing for one lifetime, and took pity on the guy?
Back from the break, we find ourselves in Warden Pope's office, where we get a good look at the Taj Mahal Popsicle Stick Diorama. Oh, how I've missed you, you ludicrous plot contrivance. Michael and the Pope are making progress all right, although Michael notes the still-unfinished "interior alcoves and pilasters," like, calm down, architect boy. Your jargon has no effect on me. It seems to have an effect on Pope, though, as he gets all mealy-mouthed with the thank-yous. "I wish there was some way I could, you know, pay you, or something." Jeez, Pope, you sure you're not the one mesmerized by Michael's tattoos? Of course, they're all covered up here, so maybe Pope is just dazzled by the teeny tiny widow's peak on Michael's hairline. It's the most inscrutable and focus-pulling bit of hair since The Beard That Ate Jack Bristow. Anyway. Michael suggests maybe Pope could help him out with his little roommate sitch. "Officer Bellick is in charge of cell transfers," Pope counters, "you're gonna have to talk to him about that." Michael says he has, and Bellick "seems to think we're a good match." "Has he threatened you?" Pope asks. "Haywire or Bellick?" Michael responds. Pope informs our guy that, short of violence or sexual predation, the prison really isn't interested in the roommate shuffle game. Which I think was pretty much the rule during my first month at college. Ahhh, the housing freeze. Keeping freshman psychopaths in the same dorm rooms for thirty action-packed days.
A knock at the door and in walks Becky, the Warden's secretary. She tells Pope that his wife is here. Pope freaks out a bit at the thought of his wife seeing Diorama-rama before it's ready to be unveiled -- he's really a rather skittish character for someone played by Stacy Keach -- and tells Becky not to let his wife into the room under any circumstances. He heads on out, leaving Michael alone with the popsicle sticks. Pope greets his wife warmly, but she immediately thinks he's acting funny. Was it the "Hi, sweetheart" that gave him away? Mrs. Pope asks what's going on in the Secret Diorama Room. "Oh...just going over some files," Pope says, not too convincingly. Must've been thinking about the widow's peaklet. "Becky said you were in a meeting," Mrs. Pope cross-examines. "This isn't Toledo all over again, is it?" Jeez, lady. I don't know about what happened in Toledo, but maybe you let your husband get a sentence or two in before you hit the Perry Mason routine? You don't know how many Bomb Pops the man had to go through to make that anniversary present for you. Anyway, Toledo's probably an important bit of back-story, but we stick a pin in it for a second while Mrs. Pope decides to investigate the Secret Room for herself. Before she can, Michael exits and says, "Warden, I'm not going to be able to cooperate. I'd get killed if I did." And then, "Johnson's still deciding," as he motions towards the closed door. Nice show of Michael's quick thinking abilities, although it still ain't files like Pope said it was. Pope tells his wife that he gets anxious with her being around the prisoners, and suggests they leave. He tells Becky to escort "Johnson" back to his cell." And because Becky behaves like an actual secretary and not a TV secretary, she doesn't follow that with "Johnson? We don't have anyone named Johnson." I bet she always knows which calls to forward straight to voicemail, too.
Meanwhile, Lincoln's shuffling along in his manacles on the way to a meeting with our intrepid Veronica. When he expresses some surprise to see her, she explains, "I'm your attorney. I'm representing you now." Okay, so now's about the time to mention that Robin Tunney is so unbelievably awful in this scene. I generally like Tunney, she kicked ass in Empire Records, and I haven't even been too bugged by her in this series so far. But in this scene she is so incredibly...off. It was mentioned a couple times in the forums, but it bears repeating: every line reading she gives here is just dripping with clumsy sexual come-ons. Her words say "lawyer talk," but her voice says "adult film star." This is when the phrase "the performance had layers to it" is not a good thing, and the whiskey voice is not helping matters. So, here goes. Lincoln: "Last time I saw you you called me a liar." Veronica: "Things have changed. I believe you now." (Veronica, as played by Amber Waves: "How long as it been since you've had a woman?") Veronica sexes about how she found Leticia, who corroborated his story, but now she's missing, and Veronica thinks the Secret Service got to her. At the mention of the SS, Lincoln blanches at just how high up the conspiracy goes. "Do know what we're up against?" he asks. Veronica: "I know it's a lot more than either of us can handle on our own." (Veronica, as played by Amber Waves: "Take off your pants, sailor. Stay awhile.") Lincoln blurts out the name Project Justice. Veronica thinks she's heard of them. Lincoln says all they handle are death penalty cases. He'd sent them the information on his case. Maybe Veronica could take them this new information and get some help. With all that pesky business taken care off, Linc moves on to small talk, asking how Sebastian feels about all of this. "I haven't talked to him," she purrs. "The engagement's off." Linc lies that he's sorry to hear it. Veronica calls him on it, but doesn't seem to mind, what with her raging lady-boner and all. Veronica: "I better get to Project Justice." (Veronica, as played by Amber Waves: "This is a giant cock.")
Out in the yard, we find Sucre at the Pet Peeve Pay Phones, having an intense conversation with Maricruz's answering machine. And I say "answering machine" and not "voicemail" because Sucre keeps talking like he's waiting for Maricruz to pick up the phone, even though, as we see later in the episode, Maricruz has a cell phone. So maybe he's talking into Mamacruz's answering machine. If that's the case, it's understandable that no one answers. But Sucre keeps talking, until the con in line behind him -- who kinda looks like Wash from Firefly -- suggests that Sucre give it up already. Before he does, Sucre puts in a plea that Maricruz show up today for their weekly (non-conjugal, as per the soap phone affair) visitation. "I'm your man, baby, and I love you," is how he signs off. And boy, was his left eyebrow working overtime in that brief scene.
Shower scene! Shower scene! Network-mandated, strategically placed cinderblock walls! Michael steps out of the sea of dudes wearing nothing but a towel. And boy, did that towel get no love in the forums. I'm predicting right now that the towel walks away with year's Tubeys for Worst Performance by an Inanimate Object, Least Favorite Character, and Most Unwelcome Cast Addition. Haywire enters the shower room to Michael's turned back, gets a good look at the tattoo, and gasps, "It's a pattern." Michael whips around as Haywire repeats himself. Michael tells him he's seeing things, as he grabs an extra towel that will function as a lovely wrap, and exits.
Warden's office. Pope is telling Bellick that putting Haywire in with Michael was "a low blow." Bellick disingenuously assures Pope that the shrinks cleared Haywire for re-entry into Gen Pop, and that with all the meds he's on he's "like a kitten these days." So it's a good thing he's not puking said meds up on a regular basis, then. Anyway, Bellick can see where this conversation is headed, and claims that if Pope offers preferential treatment to Michael, he'll lose credibility. He goes a bit further, calling the Taj Mahal Diorama a "contraption" along the way, and finally arrives at his point: "He is a violent criminal. He deserves punishment, same as the rest of them." Pope: "You've been here long enough to know that I'm less interested in punishment than I am in rehabilitation." And we have ourselves a dynamic. The classic prison philosophical battle between punishment and rehabilitation. I must say, it does bother me that in preferring Pope to Bellick I'm siding with the Tim McManus of the two, but I'll stay cool with Pope until he busts out with "Camptown Races." Anyway, Bellick says that Pope handed him control over Gen Pop, and should either let him run things or give the job to someone else. Pope cools Bellick down a bit, telling him there's a reason he's been given more responsibility: "When I retire, I'm recommending you to take my place. Don't make me regret it." And don't make me explain why someone so devoted to the cause of rehabilitation over punishment would choose to groom a replacement whose views are so clearly in opposition. Pope dismisses Bellick with one last request to "take another look at the Scofield situation."
Cut to the Fox River Visitor's Center, where Sucre is curious as to why he's being shoved into a cage instead of being allowed to sit with Maricruz at one of the many open tables. Well, it's because his visitor is, in fact, not Maricruz, but rather Hector, looking extra-slimy in a dapper black ensemble. Sucre wants to know where Maricruz is. Hector tells him she's not going to be coming around anymore. She's...with Hector. Well, knock me over with a feather, you think? Hector explains that Maricruz needs stability. Then he gets cocky with his whole "you're in prison and I'm not, so neener" spiel. He says he can actually do something for her. This sets Sucre off into an avalanche of cursing in the fiery tongue that is Español, as the Spanish-speaking fan base gets huffy all, "Oh sure, towels in a shower scene, but he gets to say that on network TV?" ["My Spanish ain't what it used to be, but he didn't say anything that scandalous. Desafortunadamente." -- Sars] As Sucre gets dragged away, Hector continues to push his luck, taunting, "You're a con, and that's all you'll ever be." Can't imagine how saying that to your new girl's ex-fiancé who gets out of prison in 16 months could ever come back to bite you in the ass. Good one, Hector!
Hey, so remember how in last week's recap LTG made a joke in reference to the Prison Metalwerks about how if they didn't have what you needed, you could go to the prison germ warfare lab, because ha ha ha, can you imagine prisoners being allowed access to dangerous chemicals and such? Well, welcome to the scene, set in the "Toxic Control Center." This show. Sometimes I think the pay phones are there for the guards to call for help during the inevitable moment when the cons rise up and start wrecking shit with their jagged metal knives and toxic chemicals and killer housecats. Anyhoo, the Toxic Control Center. Michael bribes his way inside and starts checking the shelves for what he needs. And what he needs is copper sulfate, I think. Maybe it's phosphoric acid. I'm not entirely sure, as the interstitial shots of the "Cute Poison" tattoo and some sort of chemistry textbook go by pretty quickly. Bottom line, he grabs a bottle of something or other, stuffs it into a sock, and stuffs the sock into his jacket.
He's no sooner done than Bellick's oncoming presence is loudly heralded by the con at the door. Michael takes the time to look unsuspicious, yet somehow Bellick is dubious. Perhaps it's Michael's "la dee da, just standin' here with my hands in my pockets" demeanor. Michael explains he's doing yard work for P.I. and needed some fertilizer, while Bellick reminds him that he's in the masonry section. Man, between Fibonacci and this oblique reference to the Masons, I'm thinking Michael's tattoo is really depicting Mary Magdalene at the Last Supper. Bellick gives Michael a cursory search with his club (not like that!) which yields nothing. Which I don't buy for a second, but considering "I don't buy that for a second" is something of a theme on this show, we'll move on. Bellick would also like to move on. He moves on to stomping down on Michael's injured foot ("Now with 40% less toe!") and grinding his heel on it like he's stubbing out a cigarette. Ow. Michael crumples to the ground in pain. The moral of this story, according to Bellick? "Don't ever go around me to the Pope again." Taken out of context, Bellick sounds like the baddest Cardinal in the conclave.
Back from the break, Michael is finishing up his oral hygiene regimen when he decides he should just be straight-up with Haywire: "I don't think we're gonna work out. And since I was here first, I think you should go." Haywire's response? "I crapped myself once in junior high." Heh. That's totally the new "My cat's breath smells like cat food." At this moment, Michael realizes there's no point reasoning with the crazy, so he turns his back and starts in on another plan. Haywire's nostalgia trip continues, however, and while he tells the sordid tale of P.E. class and badminton and pretending he had a tail (ew), Michael busies himself by emptying his toothpaste into the toilet and pocketing the empty tube. His story finished, Haywire turns his attention to Michael: "I just told you a secret. Now it's your turn." Michael asks if Haywire wants to know what the tattoos mean. Haywire would. Michael: "Nothing." Okay, that's what we call poking the crazy, Michael. Before Haywire can snap and choke him to death, Michael is called to the front of his cell by a passing Abruzzi, who would like to know if there's been progress on either Haywire or the digging. There has not, but Michael says he knows what to do. Abruzzi snarls, "Problem is, you don't got the stugots to do it." And I'm sorry, but much as I love Peter Stormare, he is so not a mobster, and hearing him try to sound authentic with "stugots" just underlines that point. Oh, and if I told you that Michael's response to this slight was to stare intently at Abruzzi and then gaze meaningfully into the middle distance, you wouldn't believe me, would you? Yet he does!
Driving hip-hop music heralds a scene which is not, interestingly enough, taking place in a dangerous part of town, but rather at the Pet Peeve Pay Phones. We see a reversal of fortune, as this time it's Sucre who needs the phone and Not Wash who's currently using it. Not Wash is asking something about "Aunt Ruth," which made me giggle a bit. See? They're not using the phones for evil! They're asking about Aunt Ruth! Sucre could give a damn about Aunt Ruth; he needs to call his faithless girlfriend. Not Wash looks for a minute like he wants to start beef, but quickly backs down. Sucre dials up Maricruz on her cell phone (see?), and immediately starts with the questions. "What's going on? What's the deal with you and Hector?" Ah, but Maricruz has a question of her own: "Why didn't you tell me that Rita Saldania's been visiting you?" Apparently Hector told her. Sucre goes off on how Hector is a snake and a liar, although he never specifically refutes the Rita Saldania charge, which may or may not be significant. Oh, and not only is Sucre's left eyebrow working overtime in this scene, but Amaury Nolasco is rocking some unholy combination of the Robert DeNiro "You talkin' to me?" nose scrunch and the Al Pacino "Say hello to my little friend!" underbite. It's really quite distracting. His whole face is pinched and not nearly as menacing as he thinks it is. Which, actually, is Sucre in a nutshell: pinched and not at all menacing. Maricruz doesn't know what to believe, although Sucre would rather his "Mami" believe him. Maricruz says she saw her friend Teresa's baby the other day, and since she's "gonna be thirty in a few years," she's been having thoughts. Basically, to paraphrase, her biological clock is tickin' like this, and the way Sucre's sentence is going, she ain't never getting married. Sucre reminds her that she's not almost thirty, she's twenty-five (I keep telling myself this), and if she wants to get pregnant, they can get pregnant "right now." Well, a) you can't get pregnant over the phone, because it doesn't work that way, and b) they took your conjugals away, so unless you're planning on smuggling out a vial of your fastest swimmers, "right now" isn't exactly an option. Maricruz reminds him that she's a good Catholic girl and can't get pregnant before she's married. Because then Jesus would know. Sucre reminds her that it's just sixteen more months before they can get married, but Maricruz counters that Hector told her if something happens in prison, Sucre would have to serve his full sentence. "I can't wait ten years." As Hector approaches behind her, she reiterates how she can't wait that long. She hangs up, and suddenly Sucre looks like he can't wait much longer, either.
The offices of Project Justice. Veronica is meeting with Benjamin Forsik and an attractive junior lawyer named Nick. Forsik is sporting a Fu Manchu moustache that looks like it wandered in from the Blue Collar Comedy Tour, while Nick is, to the best of my knowledge, wearing George Stephanopoulos's hair. Veronica is pleading Lincoln's case and hoping to get help in investigating further. It's not going well. Leticia is (well, "was," but they don't know that yet) an ex-junkie, so her testimony's no good, and Veronica doesn't really have any new evidence to change their minds. Nick shows some inquisitive spark on the subject of Agent Kellerman paying Veronica a visit, but he's shushed by Forsik, who explains to Veronica that they just don't have the manpower to offer her any help. Defeated, Veronica thanks them for their time, although I personally think she should take comfort in the fact that she didn't come across like she was in the third act of Project Just Us: The Pro Bono Files.
Dejected, Veronica heads to her car. As she enters, we see Agent Hale parked a few cars ahead of her. He calls ahead to Kellerman, who is hard at work snooping around Veronica's house. He tells Hale he won't need much more time and hangs up while the camera closes in on the object in Kellerman's hand: a photo of Linc, Veronica, and Michael on Veronica's graduation day. Now. Here's what I don't get. Kellerman doesn't know who Michael Scofield is, either by name or by face, right? So how does that photo tell him anything? Unless the photo was labeled on the back with Michael's first and last names (which is kind of unlikely), AND Kellerman also found Veronica's case file on Michael (in her home and not in her office, where it would most likely be), then I'm having a hard time figuring out how two and two got put together here. I mean, sure, you could say it's the Secret Service and they can get information, but as we've been saying for weeks, if they were such an all-knowing conspiracy, why didn't they have Lincoln's family and connections plotted out sooner? Is Kellerman all of a sudden clairvoyant? Is he like The Dead Zone? It's a photo! Give me a break.
Anyway. Back to the No-Tell Prison Cell, as we see Haywire inspecting his OCD bathroom counter, which is currently missing the toothpaste that Michael emptied and pocketed. In case you were wondering, Schizoaffective Disorder does not encompass obsessive-compulsive tendencies. In fact, it's often characterized by highly dis-organized behavior. But on FOX, crazy is crazy (just ask Marcia Cross), so we should probably just go with it. Haywire asks after his toothpaste, and Michael -- sitting on the ground, staring out the cell bars, and looking every bit like he picked up the crazy-eyes contagion from his cellie -- tells him he hasn't seen it. It's a good look from Wentworth Miller, lots of exasperation with a teeny bit of malevolence thrown in to taste. Haywire stares into a mirror which blurs his crazy, crazy face.
Sucre's cell. As his unseen cellie's legs dangle down from above (don't know why I found that amusing, but I did), Sucre lies in his bunk and stares at a photo of himself and Maricruz. And, may I say, he sure doesn't bear Pacino or DeNiro any resemblance from the neck down. Nice. Anyway, he's thinking some stuff over. Thinking, thinking, thinking, and...scene.
Meanwhile, while Michael sleeps, Haywire is busy at the task of tearing Michael's shirt away in little strips. He really, really wants a look at that tattoo. Michael wakes up with a start and sits up with his back against the wall. Haywire tells him that his tats form a maze and he needs to see them. "It's pulling me in," Haywire says as he leans towards Michael. It's the most novel prison come-on I've seen yet, I must say. Michael reiterates, with some forcefulness, "Get away from me." Haywire obliges, then begins talking to himself. "He's got a maze on his skin. Why would he do that?" Michael stares at him, no doubt thinking he hasn't seen anyone this tormented by a labyrinth since Jennifer Connelly.
Back from the break, Michael catches up with Abruzzi as they walk through the yard. Michael asks if Abruzzi can get him some "drain line root control" out of "Chemical Lockup." That's the same place as the Toxic Control Center, I hope. Please tell me there aren't two places where dangerous chemicals can be accessed by the cons. Drain line root control, by the way, contains copper sulfate, so I guess the phosphoric acid was what Michael nicked earlier. So that's that part of the equation, then. Abruzzi asks if Michael has weeds growing in his cell. "Just one," he answers, and meaningfully glances behind him to an increasingly frayed Haywire. Sounds like someone's planning something nefarious, no?
Elsewhere, Veronica has tracked down one of the cops who arrested Lincoln. The cop looks slightly like Chris Moore from Project Greenlight, and since I doubt his real name is of much importance, Officer Greenlight is what I'll call him. The upshot is that "Dispatch called in with a tip that Burrows was seen leaving the parking garage" where the murder occurred, and when the cops got to Linc's apartment, he was found in the bathroom, "washing out" a pair of blood-soaked pants. Veronica presses him as to whether Lincoln was actually washing the pants or simply in the bathroom. Officer Greenlight says his hands were definitely wet.
As a dejected Veronica walks to her car (we sensing a pattern here?), she's approached by none other than attractive junior lawyer Nick. Nick Savrinn, to be precise. By the way, I blame Lost and the Matrix movies for the fact that I spent a good half hour anagramming "Nick Savrinn" in a vain attempt to find some hidden meaning, mostly because I think he's a bad guy in disguise. Come on, that fashionably tousled hair is hiding some secrets. Of course, I could be way off base. The bad guy could secretly be...Sucre! Just kidding. We all know if there's a mole in that prison, it's the damn cat. Anyway, Nick thinks he can be of some help.
Out in the yard, Abruzzi produces the root control for Michael. But he also offers an alternative solution to the Haywire problem: a big-ass knife. That's as specific as I'm getting with the type of knife it was. Big. Big-ass. "There's a quicker way to take care of your problem," Abruzzi offers. Michael takes the root control, not the knife: "There are smarter ways, too." He gets up and leaves Abruzzi alone with his knife and his stugots.
Back in his cell, Michael assembles all the ingredients for Cute Poison. While he fills one empty toothpaste tube with the copper sulfate and the other with phosphoric acid, he flashes back to before prison, when he was testing out his little science fair experiment. When combined, the two ingredients produce a brown, bubbling fizz that reminds me of nothing so much as the head on a glass of Guinness. Probably tastes about as good as a Guinness does, too. Sorry, I'm not a fan. Truly, I am the shame of the Irish branch of my ancestry. His ingredients assembled, Michael is left with nothing to do but stare.
Cut to a charming little outdoor café, where Veronica and Nick are going over the case. Nick marvels at how the case was fast-tracked, but when Veronica starts to ask about how that happened, Nick would rather ask why. Umm, the Vice-President's brother was the victim? Veronica says pretty much that, although a whole lot nicer, and she's going somewhere else with it: "What do we know [about Steadman]? That he was the CEO of EcoField, that he was pushing alternative energy." A-ha! A topical hot spot for conspiracy theorists! Nick seems to agree that Steadman "successfully" pushing alternative energy made him a possible target for "oil companies, the Saudis, even our own government." Well, I think I know who Veronica needs to talk to for dirt on those three suspects. But somehow I don't think Michael Moore will be appearing on FOX broadcasting any time soon. Nick asks Veronica what took her so damn long to take up the case. She thought he was guilty, same as everyone. Nick tells her to prepare herself for the fact that it might be too late to save Lincoln. Then she gets all nosy about what made him become a death penalty lawyer, like, they're called priorities, lady. The man just told you it might already be too late, and you want to play getting to know you with the handsome man? The woman is insatiable! Anyway, blah, blah, blah, my dad got railroaded by the government, now I tirelessly fight for those who can't fight for themselves. I think Nick is secretly Batman.
Back in the yard, we see Michael walking past a loony-tunes Haywire. Aaaagain. This time, it's Haywire who's staring into the middle distance. And he's got a sketch pad of some sort on which he's clearly drawing a piece of the tattoo. You know, drawing a replica of Michael's tattoos from memory is really a task that involves a great deal of concentration and attention to detail. Would you believe that patients with Schizoaffective Disorder are easily distracted and have difficulty following a moving object with their eyes? I love how being mentally ill on TV really means that you have superpowers.
Cut to Sucre, walking with purpose across the yard towards Michael, the man he scorned last week. "I want back in," he demands. Michael's in the mood to make him beg. Sucre: "I'll do anything you need. You see these hands? They're digging machines. You want to go to China? I'll get you to China. I'll dig like a psychotic rodent if I have to. Fish, I gotta be back in!" Michael points to "Van Gogh over there" as his current cellie. Sucre asks of Michael's gonna do something about that. Michael: "I'll do what's necessary." At this Sucre smiles as wide as all of Joliet and grips Michael in a powerful man-hug. "You're my boy," he nearly squeals. At this display of childlike exuberance and utter dorkitude, Michael can't help but smile. Nice moment, there. After he regains his composure, Sucre asks what Michael's got planned for Haywire. Michael: "Well, let's just put it this way: someone's gonna get hurt." An associational edit to Haywire -- who's looking like eight miles of bad road, even for him -- starts to draw conclusions for us.
A scenic pastoral home somewhere in America. Looks like we're back at the home of the Martha Stewart of the Western Frontier. Martha is still being ably played by Patricia Wettig's hands and mouth. We see her ominously pick up a kitchen knife, which makes that cool zhhing! sound that my kitchen knives never make, and place a phone call to, as it turns out, Agents Kellerman and Hale. Martha: "How'd we miss this, guys?" Kellerman: "Scofield's father was out of the picture by the time he was born. Took his mother's maiden name." Notice he doesn't say anything about Michael's father being Lincoln's father also, although you'd assume that if they did have separate fathers, Kellerman would have just offered that as his explanation. Anyway, Martha runs down the salient points about Michael from the pilot: no priors; engineering job; discharges a firearm, ensuring he'll get a federal sentence at Fox River. It doesn't sound like they've caught on to the whole Michael-designed-the-prison thing, but they've certainly got enough. As Martha continues to menacingly julienne her Red Bell Pepper of Sinister Intent, she orders the agents to "move on the brother...preemptively before anything rises up to bite any of us in the ass." Don't worry, Martha. Worst case, you do five months in minimum security and then get your own reality TV show.
Michael moseys his way back to his cell to find Haywire arranging several pages of tattoo sketches. He thinks he's on to something: "It's a pathway. Where does it lead?" Michael tries to snatch a sketch out of Haywire's hand, but it gets pulled back. Haywire makes a grab at Michael all "where are you taking me?" Michael shoves him off and then takes a different tack. He faces the bars of his cell, grabs on with two hands, and then slams his head into the bars, dead on. And again. Haywire is taken aback: "What are you, nuts?" Irony! Clutching his bleeding forehead, Michael calls for an officer. A couple COs are happy to oblige. Haywire starts raving about the tattoos, and gets a shot of pepper spray for his trouble. As he's dragged away, he keeps on about the "pathway." "It leads to hell! He's taking us all to hell!" I really liked how the episode was littered with red herrings about how Michael was going to deal with Haywire. The toothpaste, the poison, Abruzzi. And in the end, all it took was banging his head against the wall, so to speak. As Haywire's ranting fades away, Michael and his rugged trickle of blood look pretty satisfied, the crazy cellmate threat having been neutralized. For now.
Commercials. Tony Little can ride his exercise machine straight into hell as far as I'm concerned. See how far his Geico savings get him there. ["I kind of love that guy, actually. 'YOU can do IIIIIT!!'" -- Sars]
Aw, the band's getting back together again. Bellick accompanies Sucre on his return to the No-Tell Prison Cell. Bellick tries to be all bad-ass about it, up in Michael's face with "I told you not to go around my back to the Pope. But you just had to keep making waves, didn't you?" I'm not sure what Bellick's trying to say there. He seems to realize that Michael's getting his way after all by getting rid of Haywire. But he's acting like he still got the last laugh. Does he think Sucre's still pissed at Michael, thus apt to make his life hellish? Because there's an eight-foot-wide smile on Sucre's face that seems to belie that fact. Nice poker face, Digging Machine. When the COs leave, the odd couple exchange "good to be back/have you back" pleasantries, then make a charmingly inept attempt at a handshake/hand pound. I like them. They're like Perfect Strangers crossed with Pinky and the Brain. Sucre asks when they begin. He's answered by knowing silence. Well, that's the dynamic.
To the Infirmary! Michael figures if Dr. Tancredi is going to keep him waiting this long, he's just going to pour toxic chemicals down a giant grate on the floor. Yes, he empties the contents of his tubes of toothpaste down the drain, and, just as we saw in the flashback, the intended "bathtub Guinness" effect is achieved. There's bubbling and fizzing, and I'm going to assume this is eating through some pipes or the floor or whatnot. After he's done, Tancredi enters, dispensing with any flirty banter. Noting the self-inflicted cut on his left eyebrow, she asks what happened. "Caught an elbow playing basketball," he smirks. The good doctor is not amused. As she inspects the cut, she lays it out for Michael: "You know you're gonna get killed in here, right? If you're not careful?" Michael answers this sobering warning with more smugness. He offers a bet, that "when" he gets out of Fox River, alive, he'll take her to dinner. At her silence, he bargains down to lunch, then a cup of coffee. Tancredi's not taking his shit today. "Michael, this charm act could be exactly what's getting you into trouble out in the yard." Sufficiently chastised, Michael leans forward for his eye bandage as the Guinness foam fizzes from the grate in the background. Nice stuff from Sarah Wayne Callies in this scene, I thought.
In the prison meeting room, Veronica and Nick are going over the events of the murder with Lincoln. They get past how he fled the parking garage and dumped his gun down a storm drain. After that, Linc explains how he went back to his apartment, saw the bloody pants in his bathtub and zzzzzzzzz...sorry, that was Linc, not me. I think Dominic Purcell actually fell asleep in the middle of a line reading. Okay, not really, but he's that low-key. He gets to the cops busting in on him, but explains that his hands were wet from splashing water on his face. You'd think the difference between hands wet with water and hands wet with water and blood would have been noticeable by the cops. You'd be wrong. Nick brings up the gun, which "had [Linc's] prints all over" it. They lose me a bit here by talking about the gun Linc dumped and the murder weapon, which I'm assuming are two different things, because the former was dumped and (according to Veronica) never found again, while the latter was apparently found at matched to the slug that killed Steadman. But, whatever, there are bigger plot holes to fill. Linc insisted the murder weapon was planted, and when Nick reminds him his prints were all over it, Linc has a revelation. He brings up "Bo," the guy who "arranged everything." This looks like news to both Nick and Veronica. In flashback, we see Linc comparison shopping for some guns in a back alley with the seedy Bo looking over his shoulder. "That was the setup right there," Linc concludes, "one of those must have been the murder weapon." Nick wants to clarify that Bo set this whole thing up so Lincoln could clear a $90,000 debt. Wha...but...wasn't the debt owed to Crab? Never mind. Don't need to know. La la la. Rather than quibble over that discrepancy, Linc drops this bomb on his new lawyers: "He was going to kill my son." Thus the ostensible lowlife morphs into a noble lowlife. Travel safely, moral ambiguity!
As Veronica and Nick leave Fox River for their car...well, she looks less dejected than she normally does on her walks back to her car, for one. Nick inquires about the security videotape, the one that shows Lincoln firing the gun into Steadman's car even though he claims he never did. Nick wants them to take a look at it. Thank you! You know, that's the most intriguing thing about the set-up, and I'm glad they're going to look into it. week, but still.
Back at the No-Tell, Sucre's doing that hold-a-mirror-to-look-around-corners thing as he keeps lookout. Michael gets to unscrewing the sink apparatus. Sucre tries to help out FOX's "dumb-ass" demographic by asking Michael why come the chemicals didn't eat through the toothpaste tubes. Dude, one question and THAT'S what you're going with? Try asking how he filled the squeezed-out tubes to begin with, because that seems a little like...well, like putting toothpaste back into the tube. Weird when your analogy doubles back on itself like that. Anyhoo, Michael duhs that the chemicals are only corrosive when combined. Sucre: "You study chemistry or something?" Michael: "Not in school." So, basement meth lab, then? Sucre asks what dumping the Guinness into the Infirmary grate has to do with anything. Michael vagues his usual vague about how the Infirmary is the weakest link in the security chain. Basically, it's a "tune in week and see" answer. The sink unscrewed, Michael thinks he's got enough grout removed from one of the blocks to kick it open. He's gonna need Sucre to make some noise, though.
Sucre is only too happy to oblige, as he leans against the bars of the cell and begins crooning the 1970s Spanish language song, "Eres Tu." Sucre does a lovely job with it, and by "lovely" I mean "amusingly warbly," but I just can't hear this song and not think Tommy Boy. Michael asks if that's the best he can do. "Have some faith, Papi. Have some faith," Sucre winks back. And a hundred HoYay posts were born. Sucre ups the volume, and the first thing we see is Lincoln waking up with a start, looking very much like he just had another electric chair dream that we didn't see. Nice touch, show. Seriously. Anyway, the whole prison goes batshit with noise, and that's enough to cover Michael kicking out the cement block behind the sink. No sooner has the block been kicked out than Bellick and the COs arrive to shut everyone the hell up. Sucre gives the mirror another look, and with the coast clear, Michael pokes his torso out into the corridor he just accessed. Success!
Where else could we end this episode but at Agent Hale's house? He's working the Evil Agent With A Conflicted Soul angle for all it's worth, what with the checkered tablecloth, blonde wife, and 2.5 children (literally, wife's got a bun in the oven). He's a family man! How can he stand for such murder and corruption? Before his conscience can pull up its own seat at the dinner table, the doorbell rings. Why, it's Agent Kellerman. And he's got good news. Well, "good" news. In his hands is a transfer request. "Michael Scofield is getting shipped out tomorrow." Hale's conscience steps out back to take a piss, as the rest of him grins the satisfied grin of successful shady maneuvering. Michael's gonna have to do a whole lot of staring into the middle distance to get out of this one!
week: Pope's "Toledo" secret is revealed. Or at least heavily alluded to. Michael's getting transferred. "We got a runner!" Dogs! Searchlights! Plans gone awry!