Episode Report Card Joe R: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Wire Transfer
By Joe R | Season 1 | Episode 4 | Aired on 09.11.2005
Cut to the Fox River Visitor's Center, where Sucre is curious as to why he's being shoved into a cage instead of being allowed to sit with Maricruz at one of the many open tables. Well, it's because his visitor is, in fact, not Maricruz, but rather Hector, looking extra-slimy in a dapper black ensemble. Sucre wants to know where Maricruz is. Hector tells him she's not going to be coming around anymore. She's...with Hector. Well, knock me over with a feather, you think? Hector explains that Maricruz needs stability. Then he gets cocky with his whole "you're in prison and I'm not, so neener" spiel. He says he can actually do something for her. This sets Sucre off into an avalanche of cursing in the fiery tongue that is Español, as the Spanish-speaking fan base gets huffy all, "Oh sure, towels in a shower scene, but he gets to say that on network TV?" ["My Spanish ain't what it used to be, but he didn't say anything that scandalous. Desafortunadamente." -- Sars] As Sucre gets dragged away, Hector continues to push his luck, taunting, "You're a con, and that's all you'll ever be." Can't imagine how saying that to your new girl's ex-fiancé who gets out of prison in 16 months could ever come back to bite you in the ass. Good one, Hector!
Hey, so remember how in last week's recap LTG made a joke in reference to the Prison Metalwerks about how if they didn't have what you needed, you could go to the prison germ warfare lab, because ha ha ha, can you imagine prisoners being allowed access to dangerous chemicals and such? Well, welcome to the next scene, set in the "Toxic Control Center." This show. Sometimes I think the pay phones are there for the guards to call for help during the inevitable moment when the cons rise up and start wrecking shit with their jagged metal knives and toxic chemicals and killer housecats. Anyhoo, the Toxic Control Center. Michael bribes his way inside and starts checking the shelves for what he needs. And what he needs is copper sulfate, I think. Maybe it's phosphoric acid. I'm not entirely sure, as the interstitial shots of the "Cute Poison" tattoo and some sort of chemistry textbook go by pretty quickly. Bottom line, he grabs a bottle of something or other, stuffs it into a sock, and stuffs the sock into his jacket.
He's no sooner done than Bellick's oncoming presence is loudly heralded by the con at the door. Michael takes the time to look unsuspicious, yet somehow Bellick is dubious. Perhaps it's Michael's "la dee da, just standin' here with my hands in my pockets" demeanor. Michael explains he's doing yard work for P.I. and needed some fertilizer, while Bellick reminds him that he's in the masonry section. Man, between Fibonacci and this oblique reference to the Masons, I'm thinking Michael's tattoo is really depicting Mary Magdalene at the Last Supper. Bellick gives Michael a cursory search with his club (not like that!) which yields nothing. Which I don't buy for a second, but considering "I don't buy that for a second" is something of a theme on this show, we'll move on. Bellick would also like to move on. He moves on to stomping down on Michael's injured foot ("Now with 40% less toe!") and grinding his heel on it like he's stubbing out a cigarette. Ow. Michael crumples to the ground in pain. The moral of this story, according to Bellick? "Don't ever go around me to the Pope again." Taken out of context, Bellick sounds like the baddest Cardinal in the conclave.