Episode Report Card Joe R: A- | 162 USERS: C+ YOU GRADE IT You Can't Miss The Bear
By Joe R | Season 1 | Episode 1 | Aired on 2005.08.07
Later on, Nancy and Celia are chatting over martinis, trying to figure out how to handle their children's burgeoning sexual relationship. Nancy hasn't told Celia any of what Quinn's told her, but Celia's eternal suspicion of everyone in her life serves her well in this regard. She gives Nancy a nanny-cam/teddy bear (hers?) to use to spy on Silas. Nancy says she trusts her kid, which Celia finds patently ridiculous. She makes Nancy promise to at least not allow Silas and Quinn to have sex under her roof, which Nancy does. Celia says she doesn't want her daughter to become "some little slut...like that deaf girl on Dewey Street who gave fellatio to Dennis Kling." To review: everyone in Agrestic (except Nancy) knows everyone else's business (except Nancy's). The kids show up with pizza, and when Quinn sees the bear, she fakely asks if she can have it. And Celia who doesn't know they know what it is, enthusiastically lets her.
The next day, Shane gets the jump on the towhead and his cronies and attacks them with a super-soaker full of pink paint. Elsewhere, Nancy walks in on Silas and Quinn, post-coital in the guest room. "Don't you see?" spaces Quinn as she gestures to the missing skylight window, "we're not under your roof. I'd say something about Quinn, but Celia's got me covered in about two minutes, so I'll hold off. Having finally had her fill of crap she can't control, Nancy shows up on Heylia's doorstep and collapses, crying, onto Conrad's shoulder. Conrad calls for Heylia to cute a slice of pie, "the white lady's having a time over here." Heylia, offscreen, yells that she can fix her own damn pie, "slave days is over." This gets a laugh out of Nancy, in between the heaving sobs. Aw.
And finally, Celia hooks up the nanny-cam bear to the TV so she can see what her trollop of a daughter has been up to. But the video she sees is of Dean getting a tennis racket shoved up his ass by the tennis pro. Then, the video cuts out to Quinn, in her room, flipping her mom the bird and mouthing "fuck you!" Hit it, Celia: "That little cunt." Mmm hmm. "I should have had an abortion," she finishes, and downs the rest of her manhattan. Say good-bye to Quinn, everyone!