Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Live Through This With Me
By Jacob Clifton | Season 1 | Episode 5 | Aired on 04.15.1999
They get ready to board, John worries aloud whether this is actually a good idea, because he can feel the bad juju from here, and Aeryn tells him to stay on Moya if he wants. She doesn't really imply that he is a big baby, because she doesn't think of him as a combatant, ever: just someone to be protected. Not so D'Argo, whom she checks in with, and the three of them head in.
John wows (and exposits) about how Aeryn was on a ship like this her entire life. She gestures around with her flashlight and there's a sweet little bite in it: "When you told me endless tales of your home, you spoke of forests and rivers and valleys," she says -- and it's the "endless" that makes it art -- but she was just imagining these walls. "Well, I'm sure it looks better with carpeting." D'Argo says even the Luxans thought the Zelbinion was known as "invincible," and then John totally snakes my joke from two weeks ago about the Titanic. "Even the big ones go down." John then sees a skeleton in the ceiling and wigs impressively. Even the big ones, as they say. (Just found out the original line was what we heard, "Just ask Leo DiCaprio," but in fact we got the lovely ad-lib "Just ask Bill Clinton." Which is dirty and a little mean to my girl Monica, but does preserve the "one blowjob joke per episode" rule Ben Browder seems to have set for himself.)
Zhaan doesn't even need her pretentious vegetable powers to figure out that Rygel's freaking out. He tells her, staring out, terrified, that it was the first ship he was tortured on, when he was first deposed 130 years ago. Tortured. On. (Quickly: in the last scene we compared the Zelbinion to Urp -- Plastic/Organic, Fascist/Awesome, Fear/Love -- and now it's Zelbinion and Moya. No wonder Rygel loves her so much.)
D'Argo bitches about how they've been all over and there's nothing to salvage. Aeryn cocks a brow: "How disappointing that other scavengers have robbed us of our glory." This has got to be awful for her. I had a whole thing here but John says it better at the end. D'Argo calls it game over, since the nav console is gone and there aren't any star charts. John notes something with lights still going, and Aeryn realizes that somebody has fixed the comms up. D'Argo growls. I know, right? This is like every horror movie ever! Don't turn on the TV or pick up the phone or the next thing you know it's "Don't go into the light Carol-Ann" and then everybody involved dies from some mysterious curse. This shit is totally haunted. John asks how recently this happened, and they start looking around, and there's another PK skeleton for John to worry about, and then out of nowhere this blonde chick comes running and slams into him. Foul! My John only bumps into one Peacekeeper for no reason whatsoever!