Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Live Through This With Me
By Jacob Clifton | Season 1 | Episode 5 | Aired on 04.15.1999
"He keeps blocking my route, forcing me to take the long way around. You many have to defend yourself!" John replies that it's a long story, but his hands are literally full right now, so she needs to get her hot ass back to the array. Where the froggy has just found John. "And make it fast. Because ugly's outside the door right now. Aeryn, get here. C'mon, Aeryn." Mostly to himself by this point. If I were Aeryn, I'd be like, "Oooooh, I'm in trouble! My awesome girlfriend doesn't have a gun, just a screwdriver and a yearning to transgress! Whatever will I do?" And then I'd take it real damn slow.
Just kidding, I would totally walk through fire for that man: "They spit fire? How come nobody tells me this stuff? How come nobody told me they spit fire?!" See? Cute. Aeryn runs all over hell and back trying to get to him; Gilina keeps working. John keeps standing there. Commercials at some point.
Froggy gets in and John totally says, "Oh, shit." He welcomes the Sheyang into the room and tells him to loot away, but if the two panels touch...FIREBALL! John dodges, nicely, but then screws it up by punning: "Listen gas-hole, you kill us, you kill yourself!" Honor Frog tells him they already had their chance to retreat. John invites him to come a little closer, and then Aeryn (a) slides down a chain from out of the sky, (b) with her gun pointing at the thing, (c) sticks a solid landing, (d) blows the shit out of the froggy's head, (e) stands in the middle of a flaming rain of frog parts looking gorgeous, (f) doesn't even spare a look at John or Gilina as she (g) says with a huge, cocky grin, "Sorry about the mess," and then (h) slaps another chain out of her way and takes off with just a monumental amount of spring in her step, which kills John on several levels, firstly (i) because it was fucking awesome, and secondly (j) because like all boys of his generation, he secretly kinda wants to make out with Han Solo a little bit, which I personally never understood until just this second, but (k) now he can. And he will!
D'Argo and Zhaan are not feeling John on the plan to leave Gilina at the Zelbinion and call Crais to return for her. John points out that they have to leave anyway, the Sheyangs are still around, and Crais is bound to show up at some point. I would also point out that, from what we've seen, Crais is crap at finding Moya. D'Argo says that they've been lucky, but this is handing Crais all the cards. "If she doesn't tell him we were here..." Zhaan interrupts John: "I'm a trusting soul at best, but not to a fault." Because God knows she's completely lacking any of those. Aeryn speaks up. "The tech will not reveal our presence." D'Argo asks why she thinks that, and instead of going off on some kind of soldiery thing about foxholes and the debt of life and whatever, she cuts the BS: "You know what happened to me, being deemed irreversibly contaminated by Crais. Contamination by enemy life forms. That could happen to you. The punishment is death. Or worse, banishment. I hope you can only ever imagine how horrible it is, to never return to the life that you love. You are smarter than that, Gilina." Fucking ouch already. Gilina nods: "Yes, I'm smarter than you. And I kissed your boyfriend. But I really like you and I want to be friends, especially now that you're Han Solo. Please don't hit me anymore."