Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Live Through This With Me
By Jacob Clifton | Season 1 | Episode 5 | Aired on 04.15.1999
Gilina explains that Crais didn't have time for any ghost ship bullshit when he had bizarre revenge/sex stuff to do to our innocent friends, so he ordered her unit aboard the Zelbinion for a tech survey and left them there. Then he ran off across the Uncharted Territories with his stupid ponytail swinging, all in a hurry, and then...failed to find Moya or do anything interesting or important. You know, it occurs to me that I've never recapped old Bipolar, have I? Oohhh, his stupid ass is getting a facefull of buckshot next week too.
(Zhaan, Bipolar and Maldis, for fuck's sake. So why's it one of my favorites? I get to bitch at length, that's why. And also because it's really, really good.)
Crichton offers Gilina some food and inquires after the rest of the survey team. Two days after they got there, some ship showed up and blew hell out of their Marauder with a strange weapon, stranding them. Then I guess they came onboard and killed everybody. (Gilina just swung from dirty and angular to fucking gorgeous, by the way. I should mention that. She looks like if Naomi Watts had the blonde hair back when she did Tank Girl.) D'Argo comes in explaining it was the Sheyang (HATE. They look like Sir John Tenniel's frog footman, crossed with a dog's anus, and they shoot fire out of their stupid anus faces.) John's like, "They did all this?" And instead of saying, "No, you douchebag, they didn't simultaneously attack this ship just the other day and a hundred years ago," D'Argo just characterizes them as "nothing more than opportunistic foragers." For he is a far, far better man than I.
Aeryn asks Gilina -- less harshly but not like she won't shoot her ass in the eye for kicks -- to tell her the story of how the Zelbinion died. Gilina starts to -- "Long before we arrived, other scavengers pulled loose the data spools: there's no record" -- but then remembers to tell Aeryn off. "Officer Sun, I think you should know I consider you a traitor and therefore worthy of the punishment it merits." Then she relents, like she's in any position to do so. "But as a Sebacean, I believe you are as deserving as I to know the truth about a cultural treasure. I am not lying when I say I do not know." I wish she did, because then Aeryn would like her, because she'd be coming more than halfway toward her, but on the other hand, then Aeryn would probably shoot her, and that would be sad. And not in Aeryn's best interest, frankly, in the fullness of time, but we don't know that yet, and I'm taking bets on whether or not Aeryn's going to shoot her at any given point. It's like 2:1 right now thanks to the whole "you deserve to die" thing, even if she did try to soften the blow with a "...But I still don't know, buddy." (Also, FYI: the Zelbinion is only a "cultural treasure" if your culture is deeply, deeply fucked up.)