Episode Report Card Sara M: F | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Jingle Hell
By Sara M | Season 3 | Episode 10 | Aired on 12.13.1998
Simon hangs a light in the living room, then turns to the watching Carlos and tells him that Cats is based on a poem. Oh, my freaking God, we're still talking about stupid Cats. Carlos begs Simon to change the subject. Simon says that the CamRents will figure out what Carlos's deal with his family is. Carlos says that's not likely -- he doesn't want to talk about it because it's too painful, and he won't be around for long anyway. This should be Simon's cue to do something tactful and considerate for a change and leave the subject of Carlos's family alone, so, of course, he doesn't. He says that no subject is too painful for the Camdens, and they'll get it out of him before he leaves. On an asshole roll, Simon decides to embarrass Mary by pointing out that she's obviously interested in Carlos, and says that even if Carlos doesn't return her feelings, that will be enough to get RevCam and Annie involved in his life and figuring out why he's not with his family for Christmas. Carlos didn't have to run away from home for all that attention from RevCam and Annie; I think it's pretty safe to say that just his very existence on this planet is enough to get stalked by the CamRents. Carlos hands Simon up some Christmas lights so he'll shut up already. It works on Simon, if not The Saxophone of Sadness.
Lucy's at the Glenoak Church of Non-Denominationalism, where a large crowd of auditioners has gathered. As she registers her surprise at the turnout, the camera does a rapid track-in on her face. That's a lot of work to put into such an undesirable result, if you ask me. Lucy asks if everyone is here for the auditions. Some surly punk teen-ager (I hear that's how they spelled it in the fifties, anyway) with evil dyed blue hair says he wants to be Jesus. Lucy says he's too old; Jesus is a baby. Who's crying right now, I'd imagine.
Tim Conway praises RevCam on his wonderful record collection, which he claims is in perfect condition, even though it's been stored in junky cardboard boxes in a humid space for the last fifteen years or so. Ever the salesman, Tim tells RevCam he should hold on to his 45s. RevCam says he wants to trade them in for something for Annie, who's been such a "trooper" through her pregnancy. Not really, though. I saw those episodes. He wants to get -- can you believe it? -- a chain for the allegedly beautiful cross her mother left her. Tim Conway stares at RevCam, his mouth agape, because even he can't believe how lame this show is, and he was in Cannonball Run II.