Episode Report Card Sara M: F | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Jingle Hell
By Sara M | Season 3 | Episode 10 | Aired on 12.13.1998
Ruthie gives Matt his present. It's a card with the Polaroid picture that Elf took of Matt and Ruthie. Ruthie says that she's forgiven Matt, since it was RevCam who got him the Santa job. "Yeah, Dad, how dare you!" Matt says. RevCam rolls his eyes as everyone laughs at him for being ultimately responsible for destroying Ruthie's Precious, Precious Belief in False Idols. They continue to laugh as Ruthie gives Matt his present -- a pair of absolutely disgusting, dirty, fuzzy dice. Those things are probably filled with hepatitis. I wonder if the Camdens will still be laughing when their livers fail and they all turn yellow? I will, anyway. Annie opens her gift from RevCam. It's an ugly chain. He says it's for her cross as his eyes tear up. Jeez, RevCam cries more than Survivor Lill. Annie says she loves it, but doesn't mention that she no longer has the cross to put it on. She directs RevCam to his gift, which is hiding behind the curtain. How did they pull that off, getting a huge jukebox behind a curtain without RevCam noticing? RevCam pulls the curtain back to reveal a jukebox-shaped wrapped present. Yes, that's right: Annie wrapped a whole jukebox. She's just the model of domestic efficiency. RevCam unwraps his present, and Annie plugs it in. She says that the only thing missing is RevCam's old records. They cry some more and make out. The kids take off, because they've been around long enough to know what's next.
The next morning, Simon and Ruthie wander downstairs. Simon complains that it's five in the morning, but Ruthie says she heard something. They open the front door to the tinkles of chime sound effects. Tim Conway's standing there wearing a Santa suit, but no hat and no beard, which kind of ruins whatever effect they were going for. He gives the kids a gift for Annie and a gift for RevCam. Ruthie asks who they're from. Tim Conway says Santa, then ho ho hos himself off the show. Simon wishes Ruthie a merry Christmas. She asks him if that was his gift to her. He says it was. Ruthie runs upstairs, screaming in a most aurally unpleasant manner about how she just saw Santa. Simon looks up to Heaven and thanks God. God's like, "Kid, I just sent you Tim Conway. That wasn't supposed to be a gift."
Folks pile into church to check out the live nativity scene. And guess what? The entire cast backed out at the last minute, so all the Camdens have to play parts in it. There's Simon as the shepherd (with Happy as a sheep), Annie as Mary (the virgin, not the one who posed nude for a men's magazine), and RevCam, Matt, Lucy, and Mary as four guys with beards. I'm almost positive that Eric is Joseph and the other three are the wise men, but I could be wrong, seeing as I know very little about the whole nativity scene deal. Annie says she's glad everyone backed out because she loves being in the live nativity scene. The kids say that they knew she would, so they "made some calls." That sounds ominous. Oh, and there's Ruthie, playing some kind of angel. She recites something about the birth of Jesus. I think we should all be really, really, glad they didn't make her play Jesus. I mean, I'm not even Christian, and I'd still be offended.