Episode Report Card Sara M: F | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Jingle Hell
By Sara M | Season 3 | Episode 10 | Aired on 12.13.1998
Morning in the CamPound. Lucy answers a call from Jordan on her Lame Clear Phone. He wishes her a merry Christmas Eve, then asks if she opened her present yet. Lucy doesn't really answer. Jordan says that Sal's monkey just opened her present -- he accidentally switched the gifts and gave Lucy the gift he meant to give Sal's monkey. He gave a monkey a Christmas present? And the present is a shoeshine kit? I don't even know what's going on anymore. Lucy asks what her real Christmas present is. It's a game ball from a basketball game Jordan won single-handedly or whatever. It's signed by his entire team, and he wrote "I love you" on it. Lucy pauses for drama, then tells Jordan that she loves him too. Okay, but that present sucks. I'd be all, "Yeah, yeah, that's great. Where my jewelry at?" And the actor playing Jordan is really terrible. I mean, Jimmy Moon was pretty bad, but at least he knew how to enunciate.
At the soup kitchen, the lady in charge asks Mary about Carlos. Mary says he left without even saying goodbye, although he did leave a note that thanked the CamFam for letting him stay with them -- being with their family made him realize how much he missed his own. I can see that; when I spend time with the Camdens, I often miss more pleasant experiences. Like the time I got severe food poisoning, or that time I had to stand outside in the freezing rain for two hours. It is revealed that the person who paid for Carlos's ticket was the lady who runs the soup kitchen, which shouldn't surprise anyone since you could figure it out by the simple process of guest-star elimination. Soup Kitchen Lady says she makes one charitable donation each year, and this was it. Mary says that the lady runs a soup kitchen all year, and surely that should also count as a charitable donation. No, says Soup Kitchen Lady, because the soup kitchen is a gift she gives herself. "You wouldn't believe the stuff I can write off with this place," she adds. Maybe she just thought that part.
Even though this storyline seemed to be completely and totally finished, we're back at the mall. Some annoying kid tells the elf (who is now in Santa garb) that he's too small to be Santa. Elf throws the kid to the ground as an audience of soccer moms gasps in horror. Matt comes out of nowhere to smooth things over, first pausing to tweak the new elf (Jenny, who finally got off her toenail-painting ass and decided to contribute to society) on the nose. Matt says that just because Elf is a "little person" doesn't mean he should always have to play an elf or a leprechaun. Where did he get "leprechaun" from? No one mentioned leprechauns! Elf starts quoting Shakespeare until Matt tells him to knock it off. Jenny yells that Matt and Elf are scaring the children. The two guys hug, since they're apparently that tight with each other, after having worked together for half a day, and part ways. It's a good thing Matt was there to help the little guy out, because he surely wouldn't have able to handle things himself, being disabled and all. This show teaches such good lessons.