Episode Report Card Gustave: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Sex, Lies, Videotape, Laptops, and Cell Phones
By Gustave | Season 1 | Episode 15 | Aired on 03.11.2002
The time is 2:31:04 PM. Klockwise from the top left, the Drazen brothers signal for their Czech (geddit?), Nina sets up a video camera, and Kiefer and Palmer keep debriefing each other. Milo enters the Konfrontational Koffee room just as Kiefer and Palmer are going over the "Nightfall" team roster with HBWG. HBWG introduces himself to Milo over speakerphone and asks him for his password -- which, by the way, starts with "LFN" and thus is a shout-out to La Femme Nikita. HBWG logs onto the WhateverNetwork using Milo's password, and pulls up some "partial results." Kiefer and Palmer want to know what's missing. HBWG promises to "look into it" just as an ominous-looking guy walks into the bar. He reaches for his gun and tells Milo to print out this "file" for Kiefer and Palmer. Um, if it's just a text file that needs to be retrieved, why do you need his password? Why can't you just email it to him? Never mind; he'll be dead soon enough.
Back at the Safe House, Spawn and Bride sit at the spotless kitchen kounter and eat something from bowls. Mocha almond ice cream? Gruel? Crisco shortening? They savor their first meal of the "day" and rejoice in their newfound freedom from fear. Spawn even apologizes for being "stupid." This harmonious meal inspires Bride to kall Kiefer and tell him about the KieferKub growing inside of her. And for some reason, she wants to do it right now in front of Spawn…and Spawn is totally kool with this. Remember that creepy scene in Pay It Forward where Haley Joel Osment helps Helen Hunt get ready for her date with Kevin Spacey by helping her apply underarm deodorant? Oh wait, of course you didn't. No one saw Pay It Forward. Anyway, this reminds me of that scene for some reason. Bride kalls Kiefer, but Soul Patch answers and tells her that Kiefer kan't kome to the phone. She tells Soul Patch to tell Kiefer to kall her back about something important. "I wanted to hear his reaction," says Spawn. "I'm so lucky to have you," says Bride, hugging her. Jeez, I had heard that those pregnancy hormones can make you kind of weepy and sentimental, but I had no idea they made you downright delusional.
Nina interrupts the hug and calls Teri into another room for a "debriefing." Yes, that's right. Bride, Nina, and Spawn are all alone in some strange house with a video camera…but they're only using it to fight crime. Spawn craftily grabs Nina's cell phone and announces that she's "going to [her] room." Uh, we've heard that before. She finds Rick's number in the pocket of the jeans she was wearing last "night" and calls him. Rick is in this seedy house in a seedy neighborhood -- you can tell it's seedy because there's a dog barking up a storm in the background. He's shirtless. I guess that's why he didn't die; we hadn't seen his torso yet. He's finally getting around to doing something about his wounds in the utility sink in his garage when the cordless phone, which he happens to have lying around next to him, rings. He's not all that happy to be hearing from Spawn, and mentions nonchalantly that he's lost a lot of blood. Uh, Rick? Back when you were kidnapping her? Did it ever occur to you not to give her your real home phone number? I mean, who kidnaps someone and gives the victim their phone number? Spawn tells Rick that he should turn himself in so that he can see a doctor. Rick's not too keen on the idea. Spawn argues that he won't get into any trouble because he helped spring the Kieferettes. "I'll tell them that!" she explains. "Don't tell them anything about me!" shouts Rick into the phone. Spawn tells Rick that she's about to be "debriefed" and she "can't lie." Rick convinces her to at least portray his role in the kidnapping as involuntary. "They could put me in jail for the rest of my life," he says, and hangs up on her without saying goodbye.