Episode Report Card Gustave: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Sex, Lies, Videotape, Laptops, and Cell Phones
By Gustave | Season 1 | Episode 15 | Aired on 03.11.2002
The time is 2:16:03 PM. Klockwise from the top left, the Kieferettes draw nearer to the safe house, and Kiefer reacts silently to Palmer. The SafeHouseExpress arrives at its destination, which is a bungalow on a deserted and vaguely seedy-looking suburban street. Two CTU heavies escort Nina and the Kieferettes into the house. Nina tells one of them to guard the outside while one of them guards the inside. Inside, the house is decorated like it's the set of a floor wax commercial. Bride wants to go to the bathroom so she can drink some water from the sink, freshen up, and insert one of those home pregnancy test wands that SensitiveEthnicHealthPractitioner gave her into a stream of her urine.
Palmer paces the Konfrontational Koffee Room and explains to Kiefer how, as a senator, he headed up a "Special Defense Appropriations Committee" and how that was, in fact, a "euphemism for covert operations." He was advised by the CIA about Victor Drazen, a man who was gaining power and committing all sorts of krimes against humanity in Kosovo. He had to act quickly, but there was no time to go through the "usual channels," so he asked a man named Robert Ellis for help. Robert Ellis made sure that the identities of everyone associated with the mission were kept konfidential, but somehow the Drazen family found out about Kiefer and Palmer. "If someone put your name and my name on a list together," says Kiefer. "That means they should find Robert Ellis too," Palmer agrees.
We take you now to New Orleans, where a hard-boiled white guy with a lot of Vaseline…I mean, sweat…on his face is hanging out in a "colorful" dive bar and playing what seems to be a game of Yahtzee with a dreadlocked buddy. Or maybe it's not Yahtzee, because there seems to be some bluffing involved. "I could see it in your eyes!" gloats DreadlockedBuddy as he wins the game by calling HardBoiledWhiteGuy on a low hand. "If you could read what's in my eyes," says HardBoiledWhiteGuy, his gold caps gleaming in the lamp lights, "you'd crawl under a rock and die!" DreadlockedBuddy's smile fades. They start playing again, but a cell phone call for HBWG interrupts them. It's Palmer, and yes, HBWG is Robert Ellis. HBWG is shocked by this voice from the past, and even more shocked to learn that Kiefer is there with Palmer. "I went to trouble to make sure that the two of you never met," says HBWG. Palmer explains how Drazen is after them, since today is the two-year anniversary of "Nightfall." HBWG whips out a laptop and retrieves the top secret "Nightfall" files. Whatever. He tells Palmer and Kiefer to put a trace on the money. Didn't Nina and Soul Patch already do that? Never mind.