Episode Report Card Couch Baron: A | 2 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Woof!
By Couch Baron | Season 1 | Episode 19 | Aired on 04.18.2005
Pound. Veronica gives the desk guy a flyer and tells him they're looking for a lost Jack Russell terrier. Oh, that's what breed Chester is? Er. I mean, no harm wished on a dog or anything, and he did look cute, but those things bark their fucking heads off. I wouldn't be surprised if someone pulled an Elaine Benes and kidnapped the thing just to get some sleep. The desk guy says Chester hasn't been through there. Some other, teenaged dude comes bounding out and greets Veronica by name, and tells Desk Guy that she's "the coolest girl in Neptune High." Veronica looks at him warily, wondering just what he might have heard about her. Apparently Veronica was going to be expelled for planting a spy cam in the teachers' lounge, but she had so much dirt on them they just let her off. Desk Guy is unimpressed. I guess the shit he cleans up doesn't stink. Wifey Jr. (I could use a name here, people) asks Veronica's worshipper if he's seen Chester, but the answer is no, although he says he'll keep an eye out, and his name's "Hans." Well, that's not who I was talking about, but thanks for trying, I guess. Wifey Jr. surreptitiously asks if Veronica really had a camera in the teachers' lounge, but Veronica deadpans that she has no idea what Hans was talking about. Wifey Jr. accepts that at face value. Heh.
Trina sunnily offers Logan a Pop-Tart. Logan: "A tart from a tart." Ouch, weak. How about, "Guess you eat a lot of these, huh?" Trina tells Logan she needs a loan. Logan hits a button on his watch, and notes that it only took twelve hours for her to hit him up for Lynn's money. I'd wonder at the lawyer having been at their house twelve hours earlier, considering it looks to be seven or eight in the morning, but when a family as rich as the Echollses calls, I guess the philosophy is that it's business hours somewhere. Trina says she needs ten grand, which causes an outburst from the guy who regularly plays tournament Hold 'Em with a thousand-dollar buy-in. Trina explains that she borrowed money from her producer boyfriend Dylan, and now "I can't get him off my back." Logan: "Did you try standing up?" Now that's what I'm talking about. Trina sarcastically thanks him, and turns away. Come on, Trina, for ten grand you've got to endure a little humiliation. Please? For me?
School. Veronica tells Wifey Jr. (sigh), who's at least dressed a lot better today, that they should post flyers at pet stores, as pet owners are more likely to call in about a missing pet. Wifey Jr.'s cell phone rings, and she spazzes out with excitement before her face falls like an overdone soufflé. She tells Veronica that someone was just playing a prank. Down the hall, some jerkoff is holding up his cell phone and barking as a bunch of his friends egg him on. Wifey Jr. explains that it's some dude she had a crush on the year before. She put his picture in her locker, which she didn't tell him about, but someone did. "He's gone out of his way to be mean to me ever since." Veronica starts toward the boys, and if you thought a tiny, blonde, unarmed girl couldn't bring new meaning to the expression "loaded for bear," you thought wrong. Veronica marches up to the jerkoff and tells him he's been named the world's biggest cockroach, he has no decency, and he's going to die friendless and alone. He starts to tell her she's the biggest…something that we'll never hear, because Veronica whirls and snaps, "Shut up! If I want you to speak, I'll wave a Snausage over your nose." The now-large crowd laughs appreciatively. "You use Mandy [THANK YOU, Veronica] again to convince yourself that you're not a loser, I will ruin your life. Got it?" He does. Thanks, folks! We're on again in an hour! As the crowd dissipates, Mandy starts to thank Veronica, but Veronica bites out that if Mandy wants respect, she has to demand it. Overidentification of the week complete, Veronica stomps off. Oh, Mandy. You came and you gave without taking. Now quit it, or Veronica's going to pop a cap in your ass.