Episode Report Card Couch Baron: A | 2 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Woof!
By Couch Baron | Season 1 | Episode 19 | Aired on 04.18.2005
Out by the Echollses' pool, Haaron is barbecuing when Trina appears and presents Dylan to him. Just in time -- the grill's nice and hot. Dylan is just the right level of smarmy as he says what a pleasure it is, and Haaron tells him to call him "Aaron." Hmm. I guess he thinks the "H" is silent. I'd correct him, but knowing what's about to come, maybe I'll just let him have his delusions. Haaron holds out a piece of meat on a knife that would make our ancient weapon collector from last week get a little excited, and asks Dylan to taste it. Dylan then launches into a description of Haaron's character in the movie, which boils down to a junkie hitman who uses drugs to "escape the pain." It's amusing when a one-sentence description is derivative of, like, a dozen different things. Haaron starts to muse that the description sounds like his dad. I wonder if that means he's going make some sort of rights stink here, but that's not where he's going with this. Haaron cleans the barbecue knife as he goes on that his dad used to beat him and his mom, and then drink the demons away. Dylan cluelessly agrees that the character is a lot like that, which isn't surprising, because if he were any good at catching snaps, he would have gotten out of this business a long time ago. Haaron puts his arm around Dylan as he says that his mom would wear dark glasses around the house and would conceal her injuries with makeup, so in case the vibe he was giving off was too subtle before (and I'm not actually saying that sarcastically) we now know that he's well aware of what happened to Trina, even if Dylan still hasn't caught on. Haaron says one time he tried to stop his dad, but he was just a scrawny kid, and his dad put a cigarette out on his hand for his trouble. He opens his palm to show Dylan…and then grabs his face as "That's Amore" by Dean Martin kicks up. I can't even tell you how hilarious this is. I'm giggling as Haaron proceeds to beat the tar out of this punk. Some people on the boards pointed out that the song killed any dramatic tension of the scene, and I agree, but that's the whole point, as the scene is clearly being played for laughs, and it's only the music that can provide the requisite ironic touch. It's sort of a light version of when "Stuck In The Middle With You" played as Michael Madsen cut the cop's ear off in Reservoir Dogs. In this case, there's no lasting damage, and there's a strong case for the person getting it deserving it, even if the person meting out the punishment is a rich-kid-beating douchebag who actually thinks that Siddhartha was written for him. And sure, there's a lot to think about after this scene -- Haaron comes off as scarier, now, but his motivations are clearer. Logan, by association, also comes off as scarier than before, in the "I learn from my abuser" sense. And Trina, after making fun of Logan for his "Big Bad Wolf" stories of abuse, will certainly have to reconsider her position there. So yeah, there's a lot to ponder. Once you stop giggling.
Trina wails ineffectively as Haaron hits Dylan with his feet, his fists, a tiki torch, a garbage can, a wicker chair, and finally his belt. The kitchen sink was too long a walk. Plus, that might have caused brain damage, to the extent that that's possible with Dylan. At the belt, Logan and Veronica appear on the scene, and Haaron asks Logan how school was. Hee hee hee. Some people on the boards thought that was a reference to when Vernita Green's kid comes home while her mother is engaged in a fight with The Bride in Kill Bill: Volume 1. Given that I just referenced Tarantino in my music-choice analogy, I have to agree that's possible. Haaron says he's going to pass on the part, and asks Logan to see Dylan to his car. Logan evenly agrees in a very partner-in-crime way. Man, this family is fucked up. And Dylan's going to drive, when I bet he can't even see? I wonder if you can get arrested for "driving under the influence of a massive smackdown." The song winds up as Veronica tries to convince herself this isn't the most fucked-up scene she's ever witnessed…