Episode Report Card Couch Baron: A | 2 USERS: A+ YOU GRADE IT Woof!
By Couch Baron | Season 1 | Episode 19 | Aired on 04.18.2005
At night, a cute dog that is not Backup 2.0 barks, apparently tied or penned up outside a house. Inside said house, a teenaged girl is reading Judy Blume's Forever. This is another point that seems a little off, development-wise, as every girl I went to elementary school with read that in the fifth or sixth grade. That and Wifey. Then again, I am from New York, and I was in the equivalent of a Gifted and Talented program. Which are good adjectives to describe the protagonists of those books, if my understanding is correct. Anyway, alarmed by the barking, Wifey Jr. goes outside to find the dog, "Chester," gone. Don't worry, hon -- maybe it's just time for his weekly poker game. And those of you who think dogs don't play poker obviously have a developed capacity to filter out bad artwork. Despite my reassurances, Wifey Jr. calls out Chester's name…
…which echoes into a shot of Veronica by her locker. When she turns around, Logan is there, and they smile awkwardly but not uncomfortably at each other. (See? There's an art to knowing when to use "awkward" and when to use "Un! Comfortable!" Sars and Wing give a kick-ass seminar on the subject.) Logan asks what she thinks, and Veronica babbles somewhat sarcastically to cover the fact that naughty, naughty thoughts are going through her head. Don't worry, Veronica, he's not a Betazoid. Although if he is, I'm in a lot of trouble. Logan clarifies that he means whether she thinks Duncan is okay. Veronica says she doesn't know, but Logan goes on that Mommie Sneerest called him and asked where he thought Duncan was, but he said he didn't know. He looks up, motions with his finger, and the bell rings. Well, it's no smacking a jukebox, but from the look on Veronica's face, it might be good for second base. Or at least a nork flash. Logan takes off, and VMVO says they can pretend that their "two minutes in heaven" never happened. "My lips, for all intents and purposes, are sealed." Well, that doesn't mean much, when you've got a voice-over to fall back on. Oh, maybe she means something else. Veronica, that's dirty! You're talking about girl parts! Anyway, said talk of girl parts leads Veronica to a girl, namely Wifey Jr., who's putting up signs for her lost dog. Noticing that Wifey Jr. has one taped to her back, Veronica goes up to her and takes it off, prompting Wifey Jr. to turn around and…good God, what has she done with her hair? She's wearing it in multiple unflattering long pigtails, and between that, the lack of any makeup, and the clashing outfit, well…let's just say the long drought between my spontaneous renditions of the "Makeover" song from Clone High is now over. (And yes, I love making jokes that a total of like five people will get, all of those being on the staff. ["STAMOS!!!" -- Sars]) But to put it more accessibly, it's too bad this girl (who's actually very pretty, if her first scene was any indication) didn't audition for She's All That, because her appearance is frightening enough that she's a much more believable outcast than Rachael Leigh Cook. Add to that the bonus that, you know, I would have been spared Rachael Leigh Cook. The posters Wifey Jr. is putting up kind of adorably and heartbreakingly say "LOST DOG. FRIGHTENED. ALONE." They do say pets are like their owners. Veronica turns to go, but Wifey Jr. asks if she's Veronica Mars, and on hearing a positive response, asks if she could hire Veronica to find her dog. Veronica says that kind of case isn't her specialty, and Wifey Jr. accepts that at face value and turns to go. Veronica reconsiders, however, and says she can make a couple calls and maybe help put up signs. Well, it'll be nice for her to take a case that's good for her soul. After almost getting a man killed, putting her mom in rehab, helping a rich princess get even richer, and dealing with Jonathan Taylor Thomas, I'd say she could use it. (Note to self: Stop referencing past episodes. When you get paid by the link, we'll talk.) (Other note to self: Stop talking to yourself in front of the readers.) (One final note to self: Shut up, all of you.)
Anyway, Wifey Jr. grins big, and doesn't even stop when Wallace shows up and whisks Veronica away to tell her that Weevil was arrested in Lilly's bedroom. Veronica, given your "my lips are sealed" comment from earlier, you might want to close your gaping mouth. Logan could be walking by at any moment. Credits.