Episode Report Card Keckler: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Grease Fire
By Keckler | Season 2 | Episode 15 | Aired on 02.11.2003
Excedrin PM apologizes for the security measures, but they can't be too careful where Vulcans are concerned. After taunting T'Pol a bit about her chartreuse race, Excedrin PM gets back to the business of talking peace. Quantum first wants to see the Vulcan hostages and make sure they're okay. "Hostages?" Suzy Blue repeats. "Criminals take hostages. Kidnappers looking for ransom take hostages -- I assume you're referring to the enemy soldiers we captured?" Excedrin PM assures Quantum that the HOSTAGES haven't been harmed, but they all go off to take a peep anyway. Looking in on the HOSTAGES, Quantum starts to ask, "Are you all right?" Before they can answer, Suzy Blue slams the door shut and announces, "When they attacked us, two of my men were badly wounded. They're lucky we didn't kill them." Looks like Suzy Blue's makeup goes all the way down into her dinners. T'Pol points out that the Andorians provoked this recent spate of injuries when they violated the Territorial Compromise. Suzy Blue and T'Pol act as though they're going argue until they're blue and green in the face respectively, so Excedrin PM points out how needed Quantum is as a moderator. Excedrin PM comes to the decision that they will release their captives only if the Vulcans pull out their military forces, rescind the Compromise, and give the planet back to the Andorians. "You...don't...expect...them...to...agreetoallthat," Quantum stilts. "I told you, he's a puppet of the Vulcans," Suzy Blue sniffs. I always liked Suzie Plakston -- especially when she played Paul Reiser's sister's lesbian lover on Mad About You. She was pretty good as Worf's lover, too. Quantum stands right next to Suzy Blue and tells her that he and the Vulcan High Command aren't exactly kissing cousins. I think they must have Plakston standing on a box in this scene. She's tall, but I really don't think she's taller than Bakula. I wonder if all the Andorian women are Amazonian compared to the little blue men.
Quantum informs Excedrin PM that he's got better things to do than be the Andorians' messenger boy. Excedrin PM lets it be known that he is sick of negotiations that drag on for years, and now he's ready to talk to Soval, since he is someone who doesn't have to check with his superiors before he wipes his butt. I added that last part because of the comedy of poo jokes. Excedrin PM also wants the talks to take place in his office, on his terms. "That might be a little difficult," Quantum says, thinking that he'll have to check with his superiors before he wipes his butt. Suzy Blue snorts, "This is pointless." "But not impossible!" Quantum shouts back without even looking at her. You know, if Excedrin PM is bringing Quantum in as an unbiased mediator, shouldn't the meeting take place on his unbiased ship? Quantum suggests that Excedrin PM release the Vulcan hostages as a gesture that he's serious about negotiating peace. "And give away our only advantage?" Suzy Blue drawls. Excedrin PM twitches spasmodically: "No!" Quantum bids for two hostages to be released and the third to be detained until they meet with Soval. "One. As a show...of...our...good...faith," Excedrin PM squeezes out. Quantum nods.