Episode Report Card Keckler: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Grease Fire
By Keckler | Season 2 | Episode 15 | Aired on 02.11.2003
Quantum logs how tense the situation has become in just the two days it took Enterprise to reach the planet. Outside the ship, we see two of those cool Vulcan ships flying alongside Enterprise. Trip-Through-Your-Wires bitches at Quantum about how he busted the ship's butt to get them to the planet, only to be made to wait. The airlock opens, and Soval and another Vulcan walk into "The Conference Room" escorted by T'Pol. Pleasantries that are actually pleasant are exchanged, and they get right down to business. Soval wants to know what in the Sam Hill Quantum has going on with the Andorians that would get him a hand-delivered, gilt-edged invitation to the Andorian-Vulcan Conflict soiree. Quantum's confused, because he thought Soval put him on the guest list. "I'm involved in extremely difficult and dangerous negotiations. I don't consider your presence here an asset," Soval tells him bluntly. Quantum prisses up from his chair and tells Soval if that's how he wants it, he and his qrew will gladly continue on with their mission of being elsewhere. Without retracting his comment, Soval tells Quantum of Excedrin PM's occupation and involvement in the conflict. Quantum does a half-turn to Trip in order to repeat Excedrin PM's name to him: "Shran." Is it just me, or did it appear that there was nothing going on in Trip's head besides calculating how quickly he could douse the flames once he put a match to his Tick Underoos and ran through the ship's corridors shouting, "Trip's flaming! Trip's flaming!"? Might just have been me, but he did look all "Brain and brain -- what is brain?" at his captain. T'Pol, on the other hand, looks as though she instantly remembers who their Andorian requester is.
Soval continues as though Quantum hadn't interrupted and says that, when they attempted to enforce the Treaty of 2097 and subsequently regained control of half the colony, a lot of Vulcans had their feelings hurt; a few were even captured. Excedrin PM was only willing to discuss the safe return of the hostages if Quantum was saved a seat on The Big Yellow Negotiating Bus. "For some reason he finds you...trustworthy," Soval finishes. Quantum paces a bit and comments, "You're asking for my help." Soval huffs a sigh and answers, "Yes, Captain, I am asking for your help." Quantum takes a few more paces, this time accompanied by highly moral furrowing, before telling Soval he'll "see what [he] can do." Soval doesn't like how cavalier he's acting about the situation, and reminds him that the "last time" Quantum dealt with the Andorians resulted in the destruction of P'Jem. That wasn't exactly the last time Quantum dealt with the Andorians. Is it too much to ask for the writers to actually watch the other episodes before they commit words to paper? Actually, considering the caliber of last season, maybe it is. I'm obviously made of sterner stuff than those multi-so-many-dollared Trek scribes. Soval informs him that his subcommander lackey will be accompanying Quantum to the planet to make sure he doesn't screw things up. So, there's a male Vulcan with the exact same rank as T'Pol. You know, I don't see him wearing an industrial carpet catsuit, so now who's going to argue that that's the reason for T'Pol's ridiculous "uniform"? I didn't think so. Quantum nixes Soval's appointment and says he'd rather bring along a Vulcan he trusts. He doesn't say it, but it's obvious he means T'Pol. Because he looooves her.
Quantum walks into Sick Bay, where Phlox tells him there's some nasty pathogen on the surface that he needs to be inoculated against. I hope that's enough of a warning to prevent Quantum from bringing Porthos down with him. Vulcans aren't affected by the plot device that gives Phlox his only screen time, so Quantum must go alone into the decon chamber while Phlox "bombards" him with epileptic radiation. Once Quantum gets in the chamber, it's quite apparent that Phlox is serving only to bombard us with Blatantly Expositional Radiation. He outlines the fact that the Vulcans and Quantum have always had a shaky relationship that extended to opposing Quantum taking command of Enterprise, so this request to have him mediate a conflict is a big ol' shockeroo. You know, I make lots of jokes that all this exposition does is enlighten people who have been living under a rock about what's going on in this show. However, considering Enterprise's ratings, I think those of us who do know the poop are actually the ones getting our mail delivered to P.O. Box Dank Bouldersville. Radiation bombardment doesn't diminish Quantum's appetite for scenery in the least, and he paces in a tight circle while telling Phlox, "Maybe we're not out here to just scan comets and meet new species. Maybe we're out here to prove that humanity is ready to join...a...much...larger...community. I intend to do that, whether the Vulcans...like...it...or...not." Dammit, I screamed so loud that I woke up The Anvil Of The Dawn Of The Federation Of Planets -- now it's going to want to go for a walk. Phlox tells Quantum that he's all irradiated, then goes on to say that he served as a medic in the Denobulan infantry: "If I learned anything from that experience, it's that battlefields are unpredictable places. Even under a flag of truce. Be careful." Quantum nods.