Episode Report Card Keckler: C- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Grease Fire
By Keckler | Season 2 | Episode 15 | Aired on 02.11.2003
Space. Three foreign ships head toward the Planet of the Week.
Enterprise Bridge. Trip is disturbed by how close the Andorian ships are to the Vulcan ships, especially since both ships are now charging weapons. Trip orders May-Mothers-Of-The-Disappeared to set a new course planting Enterprise smack in between the Vulcans and the Andorians, thus making a lumbering parallel to Quantum's mission on the surface. Hoshi gives Trip a look. "If you don't mind me asking, what do you have in mind?" Reed wonders. Instead of answering, Trip sits down in the captain's chair and gives a long, steely-eyed Soap Opera pause. Wow. I actually respect him in this scene. Of course, that goes away as soon as the image of him in flaming tighty-blueys forces itself unbidden into my mind.
Quantum crawls through piles of twisted metal and stops right under the sound of phaser fire. The camera pans slowly up so we can see that it's Suzy Blue doing the firing. Oh, my. What a twisted plot we cull when first we practice to be dull. Quantum sneaks up behind Suzy Blue, pulls out his pistol, and orders her to drop her weapon. At the sound of his voice, Suzy Blue's antennae swivel backwards. People have suggested that the Andorians can actually see with their antennae, but I haven't seen anything that speaks to that. If anything, their antennae are just proximity sensors -- like hair on the back of our necks, or whiskers on a cat -- but not possessing any visual capabilities. Suzy Blue slowly turns around to look at Quantum. "I've never fired one of these before -- I'm not sure if it's set on stun," Quantum says. I'm just waiting for the inevitable response to that one. Quantum orders T'Pol to hold her fire. "It doesn't have a stun setting," Suzy Blue says derisively. And there it is. Suzy Blue tosses her gun away while Quantum accuses her of firing on their shuttle, attempting to kill Soval, and undermining all of Excedrin PM's plans. "Why? Do you want a war with the Vulcans?" Quantum asks. "All we want is a chance to fight for what's ours before cowards like Excedrin PM negotiate it all away," Suzy Blue tells him. Quantum tells her that's between her and Excedrin PM, and orders her to get moving. Somehow, Quantum manages to stumble and fall down, which gives Suzy Blue the opportunity to smack him around. There's a fight scene with TOS-ish music, and Quantum finally punches Suzy Blue out, only to find himself surrounded by Excedrin PM and two other Andorians, all with weapons aimed at him.
Space. Tiny little Enterprise stands stubbornly in the middle of five other ships. Hoshi reports that they're being hailed by the Vulcans and the Andorians. Acting Cpt. Trip orders both of them put up on the screen. Hoshi splits the screen to show us a pissy Vulcan and a pissed-off Andorian. "This is Commander Tucker," Trip states. The Vulcans and the Andorians recommend that Trip withdraw his ship. Trip lets the Andorian and the Vulcan argue with one another for a bit. "Any vessel attempting to enter orbit will be fired upon," Subcommander Lackey says. "That includes yours, Subcommander," Trip tells him. The Andorian appreciates Trip's support, but Trip tells him not to go sending him any chocolates, as he will open fire on any ship, Vulcan or Andorian, that gets pushy. To make his point, he turns to Reed and asks, "Phase cannons?" "Locked and ready," Reed smirks grimly. You know what would be great? If they exchanged Reed for Jeff from Coupling. Then we could have scenes of Reed running up to alien women, only able to blither about porn jelly or keeping women's ears in buckets. The "Nudity Buffer" and "Melty Man" could take on completely different meanings in outer space. Subcommander Lackey tries to tell Trip it's none of his business. "As long as my captain is stuck in the middle of your war zone, it is," Trip states. Still not accepting T'Pol as a valued member of his crew? That's pretty sad and immature of him. Subcommander Lackey blames the Andorians for making Quantum a casualty of their private little function. May-A-Day-Without-Me makes an indignant face. He's really getting good at that face -- my guess is he makes it every time he reads the next week's script. Trip warns them not to count Quantum out so fast. "We've managed to isolate his bio-signature," Trip glares. "Now, why don't you both give him and Ambassador Soval a chance to do their jobs before we start a war up here?" Nice one. I have a feeling Trip is enjoying playing the heavy so much that as soon as the viewscreen goes off, he dances around the Bridge and whoops it up a bit.