Episode Report Card Gustave: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The incidental gay sex episode
By Gustave | Season 1 | Episode 5 | Aired on 12.10.2001
SoOMG goes to a pay phone and takes a slip of paper out of his mouth. He dials the number written on it. It's Kiefer's cell phone. Kiefer slipped it to him so they could talk privately. "What do you know about my daughter?" says Kiefer in an urgent bedroom voice. SoOMG claims to have heard some guys he "works with" talking about Spawn, but he doesn't want to talk about it until he's out of police custody. Cue the frantic mandolins. Apparently, SoOMG's boss is going to call him at a pay phone near the seedy warehouse. SoOMG needs to be there to take the call or the caller will know something's up. Kiefer's not sure if he can spring SoOMG. "I'm the one chance you have to find your daughter," says SoOMG. "Better think of something fast." They hang up. Obviously thinking about "something fast," Kiefer calls Nina and has her put a trace on the pay phone. I guess no one wanted to pay Jalapeno's salary this week, because Nina is now doing some fancy computer hacking to locate the pay phone in question…without a warrant. She finds the pay phone, but cautions Kiefer that SoOMG's boss will hang up if he hears anyone but SoOMG. Kiefer is all, "They will be hearing SoOMG's voice!" The time is 4:25:31 AM.
The time is 4:29:32 AM. Klockwise from top left, Nina is hacking, Gaines is driving, Palmer is musing, and Kiefer is kruising down the hallway. Kiefer passes an open office and overhears Mason trying to smooth things over between the police and the CIA. He keeps walking and passes a hunky Latin cop, who he recognizes as the guy who first questioned SoOMG. Hmmm. Maybe Kiefer will slip a phone number into this guy's mouth too. Hell, I'll do it. Kiefer asks Officer Humpy if he can speak to SoOMG some more. Officer Humpy says that Officer Macy Gray was his partner, and that he wants SoOMG to be a "clean bust" so he doesn't get sprung on a technicality. In other words, no more kwestioning from Kiefer. But they cut a deal. Officer Humpy agrees to look the other way should Kiefer follow him into SoOMG's holding cell. Which he does. Again, the million-dollar question is asked in the trademark Sutherland velvety bedroom whisper: "Who are you working for?" SoOMG isn't willing to talk without a (wink wink) lawyer present. They fight again. Officer Humpy tries to break it up, but Kiefer distracts him by casting aspersions on Officer Humpy's absence during OMG's death. Now all three of them are rolling around on the cell floor. Guys? My birthday's not until January, okay? In the confusion, Kiefer is able to steal Officer Humpy's key card and hand it over to SoOMG before more police officers come in to tell the guys to just get a room already. Kiefer exits, adjusts his slate-colored rayon shirt, and gets a lecture from the police chief about self-control. SoOMG waits until everyone calms down, then he lets himself out of the cell with the key card.
Back at the hospital, Bride lies sleeping on the pentagon-shaped waiting room couch…but carefully, so she doesn't muss her perfectly wretched haircut. AllegedYork enters with vending machine coffee. Either he's suffering from allergies, he's aggrieved at the loss of his honest-to-goodness daughter, or he's taking major acting lessons, because there are tears in AllegedYork's eyes. He tells Bride that PMMS is "going to be okay." Bride is all, "Of course she will." Then AllegedYork gets in a subtle dig about Kiefer's absence from Bride's side during her hour of need.