Episode Report Card Gustave: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT The incidental gay sex episode
By Gustave | Season 1 | Episode 5 | Aired on 12.10.2001
At 4:43:38, Mason is still talking to the police chief, and finally convinces him to handle the recent mishaps "internally." Officer Humpy enters to start the system processing for SoOMG. Police chief is all, "I thought you left." He pulls up Officer Humpy's timesheet on the computer -- it comes right up at the touch of a button, no crashing or anything -- and determines that he "checked out" five minutes ago. Officer Humpy realizes that his key card is missing.
Back at the hospital, Bride recounts for York how, earlier that afternoon, she got a second notice from Spawn's high school notifying her that Spawn was flunking algebra. Apparently, Spawn had hidden the first notice. So they fought, and Bride remembers thinking -- get this -- that she'd actually be glad when Spawn moved out of the house. Wow, what mother of a teenager has ever had that thought cross her mind? York comforts her by reminding her that when PMMS wakes up, she'll know where to find Spawn. Bride is unconvinced, and beats herself up for not waiting at Bad Teen Convertibles. York promises to stay by her side. Gee, are these two going to fool around?
Mason and the police department get access to a satellite hookup that will track Kiefer and SoOMG's whereabouts. Yet another thing that technology only does effectively in the movies or on TV. On a laptop, Mason determines that Kiefer and SoOMG are in the Kiefmobile, headed for the aforementioned pay phone. Cut to Kiefer and SoOMG, who are, as predicted, heading towards the pay phone. Kiefer asks who these guys are that SoOMG works for. SoOMG claims not to know. "They tell me what to do. I do it. They pay me. That's it." Can I just interject here and say that this is one flimsy terrorist operation? There's no honor code or anything. What kind of loyalty can Gaines expect from a mere paycheck? And who is making these personnel decisions? I mean, sure, maybe during the job interview, SoOMG was all, "No, I've always wanted to be a terrorist, I majored in it in college! And I'm a people person!" but now he's got a serious attitude problem. The second the threat of a stint in an elegantly furnished prison becomes imminent, the guy spills his guts to Kiefer. I mean, Osama Bin Laden's men are willing to be human bombs. This guy couldn't last ten minutes without Kiehl's products. This totally illustrates rule number one for recruiting terrorist cells: only hold onto the résumés of poverty-stricken religious freaks. Clearly, Gaines hasn't done his homework.
But I digress. The pay phone rings. Or at least the men hear it ring. Nina tells Kiefer via cell phone that she's not seeing the call go through. D'oh! The payphone isn't ringing. It's another cell phone taped to the bottom that's ringing! Like someone wouldn't have swiped it already to make free long-distance calls. Anyway, Nina can't trace the call in time. Gaines is on the other end. He tells SoOMG about a set of keys taped to the back of the pay phone. It will give him access to a parked car. "There's a body in the trunk," says Gaines. "Get rid of it!" "Whose body is in the trunk?" cries Kiefer as the men run off into the night. The time is 4:48:19 AM.