Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT St. Martin of Ass-kissy
By Sara M | Season 8 | Episode 4 | Aired on 10.05.2003
Simon sulks in the backyard. Asslee walks up from behind the rose bush she apparently lives in and says hi. Simon is touched by the fact that Asslee came over just to say goodbye to him before he left for school. Asslee bursts that bubble right quick by saying that she actually came to borrow some boots from Lucy for her hiking trip this Sunday, on which she says she will be accompanied by some friends. Imaginary friends, maybe. Simon says that Sunday is the day he leaves for school. Asslee says that if he really wants her to, she can cancel the hike and come down to the bus station and say goodbye to him instead. What a gesture. Simon tells her that that's not necessary. Asslee says she wouldn't be saying goodbye anyway, just "so long." She walks away, leaving Simon to tell himself that it is goodbye. For David Gallagher's sake, I sincerely hope so.
Martin uses RevCam's office phone to call Conehead. How did he know her number? We'll never know. He "disguises" his voice and says that he's calling from "a pool hall" about her husband, who's making a fool of himself and needs to be picked up and brought back home immediately. I'll bet Conehead gets that call just about every day. Martin hangs up on her, then smiles and looks up at the ceiling.
Over at Eddie's Pool Hall, Chandler blows an easy shot to the center pocket because he sucks at life. Kevin goes to take a shot, even though he had bruised ribs and a dislocated shoulder that morning. At a table, Richard drinks beer from a glass stein while RevCam drinks what appears to be ginger ale from a plastic bright green cup. Eddie's Pool Hall sure is stylin' in the dishware department. Richard pressures RevCam to have some more 7UP, on his dime. Chandler asks what's going on, and RevCam explains that Richard is being so generous because he still feels guilty about kissing Annie, even though Annie and the Rev are totally cool about it now. Chandler just starts laughing. Richard lectures Chandler about how this isn't a laughing matter, since the reason he kissed Annie was to demonstrate to her how his wife was kissing his cantor. Chandler doesn't even care. Then Conehead and her lifeless hair with ugly bangs walk in and tell Richard it's time to go home. Richard says that their house has not been a "home" since she cheated on him. Conehead rolls her eyes and explains that what Richard saw was the cantor, who's all upset about his divorce, "snapping" by making out with her after she tried to be nice to him. She says it was nothing, and it meant nothing. Richard says that he can understand that -- now. It's all well and good that they understand, but I still don't. If the cantor assaulted Conehead, then Det. Michaels should be called. Similarly, Annie should press charges against Richard for what he did to her. And then Richard and the cantor can claim innocence by reason of being emotional and see how far that gets them in a real court of law. Richard and Conehead leave, but not before thoroughly sickening me once again when Richard smells her and asks if she just did the dishes. Conehead says that she totally did because she just made latkes, and they're greasy, so she had to do a lot of scrubbing. I had to do a lot of scrubbing too, but of my eyes, to try to remove the image of Richard and Conehead using dishwashing as an analogy for sex. Richard takes off without paying the bill like he said he would. Jews are so shifty.