Episode Report Card Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT St. Martin of Ass-kissy
By Sara M | Season 8 | Episode 4 | Aired on 10.05.2003
RevCam consoles Richard by telling him that he "doesn't have the words right now," while also making what appears to be the universal symbol for "big jugs" with his hands. He says that he can't believe that Richard and Conehead, of all people, are breaking up. Does he even know them well enough to say that? Their entire relationship has consisted of one offensive dinner, a shared fake wedding ceremony, and spying on Chandler. Richard says that he saw Conehead in his office -- you know, in the Jewish Temple for Jews -- making out with his cantor. 7th Heaven never saw fit to explain to its viewing audience what a cantor was, so I will: during a temple service, there are certain parts of the Jewish prayer book that are spoken, and certain parts that are sung. The rabbi recites the spoken parts, and the cantor sing the sung parts. The cantor also plays a role in singing certain holiday services. In my grandparents' temple, the cantor is a small Asian woman who converted, like Dopey, when she married a Jew. And now you know. RevCam tells Richard not to jump to conclusions. Since when? The people on this show jump to conclusions so often, you'd think they had a "Jump-To-Conclusions" mat (tm Office Space) hidden under the sofa. Richard says that there's only one explanation for what his wife was doing, and as a man, RevCam should know what that is. Then he laments the loss of his cantor and fake cries. RevCam gives him a small pat on the shoulder -- way to be a friend, there, ass -- and then the scene abruptly ends.
Cracks are starting to show in Ruthie and Peter's wonderful relationship as they fight over whose fault it is that the coal mine has been ruined. Simon walks in and asks what's going on. Ruthie says that Peter wasn't paying attention. Peter says that he can't build a coal mine and watch the twins at the same time, and Ruthie should have been watching them anyway. Ruthie says that it was Peter's "job" to watch them, not hers. Simon again asks what happened, and Ruthie explains that SamVid ate all their coal. "I like coal," says one twin, sticking his tongue out to show us that Brenda Hampton has cruelly dyed it black for "comedy" purposes. Also, this would be reason number 154,677 why those twins ain't right: they enjoy black licorice, which is totally gross. "I'm gonna be a miner," says the other twin. Too bad about those new child labor laws, or he could have gotten his wish immediately! Ruthie rudely asks Simon what he wants. Simon says that he just wanted to spend some time with them, since he's leaving for college in a day and a half. Ruthie tells him that if he really wants to help, he can go clean the twins, then buy them some coal at the store. Um, he didn't say he wanted to help you with your stupid project, Ruthie; he said he wanted to spend some time with you, which, ill-advised as it may be, was a nice gesture. So stop being such a bitch. Simon leaves with the twins. Peter sits on Ruthie's bed and asks what's for dinner, because he's a rude git who invites himself over to other people's houses.