Episode Report Card Potes: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Enter the Haggis
By Potes | Season 18 | Episode 2 | Aired on 03.07.2012
Catherine, Laura and Sophie are next. Their photo gets the biggest positive reaction from the judges. Nigel says that Sophie looks great in the face, but her body language could use some help. Kris loves Laura and her pose and her personality, and how she emulated a creepy baby. Cutrone loves Laura's hair, and wants to marry her off to a rock star named Kelly Cutrone. Tyra enjoys Catherine's elegance, but wants to see her exaggerate a bit more and stand out amongst her competitors. Candace and Eboni are next. Nigel praises Eboni's eyes in the photo, and Tyra gives it up to Eboni for working through the literal burn on her cheek. Of course Tyra once had a massive burn on her eye for a very important photo shoot, and that was back before Photoshop existed, and so she had to pretend that it was a little tiny crusty eye hat. Crusty eye hats then became a trend worldwide! That is the power of Tyra Banks. Eboni's similar perseverance proves, Tyra says, that you can burn her but you can't break her. That should be the theme of Eboni's viral video hit. "You can spurn and shake and bake me / I might burn but you can't break me / Court's adjourned so don't mistake me / I might burn but you can't break me." That started as a joke, but I think what I did is just write a really good hook. Candance has great legs, but could have extended her torso more.
Then there is Seymone and Annaliese. Annaliese says that working with Kris was "fan-dabbey-dozey", and Nigel is reminded of why he left the UK in the first place and agreed to be Tyra Banks's indentured servant for 300 years. He cain't go back to England. He just cain't. Sadly for Annaliese and Seymone, their photo is not fan-dabbey-dozey in the slightest. Cutrone says that Annaliese looks like a cracked-out Diana Ross (perhaps that's what Milan on Drag Race was going for?), and Seymone can't afford to pose in a way where her energy slides off to the left. Tyra tells her that she can't just be pretty, and needs to work her angles.
Finally, there's Louise and Alisha. Louise has her fucking fingers in her mouth again, and it is driving me crazy. The judges overly praise her makeover, then ask if they can afford the mortgage on a new condo. DENIED, GIRLFRIENDS. Cutrone and I have our first bonding moment as she tells Louise to stop licking her fingers in front of the judges. What kind of weird psychotic tick is that, anyway? Kris praises both women's ability to eat baby food. Cutrone thinks that Louise looked amazing, but more like a hot-hottie than a baby. It's too sexy. Louise gets a stank look on her face. Stanker than her natural face-state, even. Nigel thinks that Alisha looks beautiful, but also not like a baby. NEWSFLASH, SHE'S 20. Alisha says that she was trying to look jealous that she wasn't getting baby food, but apparently that didn't come through.