Episode Report Card Potes: B- | 18 USERS: B+ YOU GRADE IT Sizzle Tans
By Potes | Season 5 | Episode 10 | Aired on 08.04.2013
And then we're in Hoboken with Albie and Caroline. Albie is concerned about Caroline's concern about him. She promises that she and Al will always hover, which is not exaaaaactly what Albie wants to hear right now. He tells us that as the oldest son, there's pressure on him to step up and fill Al's shoes if and when the time comes. Albie notes that he's worried about Caroline and Al, who have only seen each other once a week for the past 35 years, may not know or like each other all that much, and need hobbies. Caroline stares him down, then says that they have their bumps, but without bumps life ain't living. She then interviews that Albie needs to focus on his own life, because her and Al's marriage is none of his business. Well I'm glad she's not defensive about it or anything.
After a brief interlude in which Melissa raps terribly much to the amusement of the family who participated in the lesbian bar excursion, Caroline heads over to the Laurita house. Jacqueline wants Caroline's advice about how to make it work with Teresa. Caroline explains that she just wants them to get to the point where they can walk into a room, see each other, and be civil. Jacqueline starts going on about how Teresa tries to deflect everything in her life onto everyone else, e.g., making noise about the Dina situation. Jacqueline is ready to go at Teresa and her knife of lies with a cannon full of truth, because her meds apparently haven't quite been adjusted yet. In any case, soon Jacqueline won't have to worry about any of this because Teresa will be in jail.
The family Giudice drive to the mall and talk about the lip gloss that Gia has caked on. When Teresa calls her lips big and juicy, Gia yells at her to shut up for the love of god. Her payback for that smart remark comes from Milania, who says, "When Gia has a boyfriend and they kiss her on the lips, they're going to be like…yuck! 'Cause all the spit come on him!" I don't know exactly what all that means, but I find it to be appropriately caustic. Gia then yells at Milania to be quiet, saying nobody wants to listen to her. That is 100% the opposite of the truth!
Anyway, Teresa mentions her meet-up with Jacqueline, and wants Juicy to come along and talk to Chris. Juicy has nothing to say to that effing mo-mo, but I guess he'll get roped into it anyway. They pass Joe's Sizzle Tans billboard, and when Juicy makes a crack about guys not being on tanning billboards, Teresa tells him that everybody beats at their own drum. Indeed. Also: ugggh, when will this episode ennnnnnnnnnd? Sorry, you guys, but every once in a while it just gets to me. We have officially hit the point when I start feverishly googling "Real Housewives of New Jersey season 5 finale date." Help. In any case, showing that Milania's sass is genetically imprinted into the Gorga DNA, when the Gorgas drive past the billboard Gino announces, "Congratulations, stupid." Melissa gives him what-for, and he yells, "It's just a billboard!" Maybe we can do a full-cousins spinoff, minus Gia?