Episode Report Card Deborah: A | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT "The Lamps Are Different, But The Light Is The Same"
By Deborah | Season 2 | Episode 1 | Aired on 09.23.2004
Joan's lying on the grass in the park, reading a book. Frink: "Maybe she'll cut her hair off in a fit of anger." Me: "God, I hope not. I don't need any of that second-season Felicity grief." Although I'd love it if they'd move the show to Sunday nights, because having to write the recaplet on Friday night or Saturday morning really cramps a person's weekend style. Someone steps over Joan and stands beside her. Joan assumes it's Adam, but unless Adam has got really skinny legs and a heretofore unrevealed transvestite side, it ain't Adam. Joan starts blathering about unified field theory, when a familiar young voice says, "All magnetic fields are the same." It's Little Girl God! Joan turns over wearily and lies on her back, hands on her face. Little Girl God, holding a mottled blue ball that subtly suggests our planet, continues, "All carbon atoms are the same. As are all protons, electrons, and neutrons." I look at Frink to see if that's correct. Hey, what do you want from me? There was nobody in my high school I liked enough to suffer through years of science for. I didn't meet Frink until I was almost thirty. She concludes, "It didn't have to be that way, but it makes the universe beautiful." I know who's dressing Joan now: it's Little Girl God, who's wearing a T-shirt in various shades of pink with a mottled tangerine skirt and orange-and-pink striped socks with dark pink shoes. Steer clear of the Fug Blog, kid. Jessica and Heather ain't scared of nobody. Frink: "Doesn't she always wear those dealie-bobbers?" He means the googly-eye antennae. I explain that those are optional. Little Girl God asks, "Who would care about the universe being beautiful, except for a divine, benevolent entity?" She adjusts her glasses. "Such as myself." Joan: "You -- heh heh -- are not here." Little Girl God says Joan's talking to herself, then. Joan states that she's waiting for Adam. She tells Joan Adam got paged to go to work. Joan's cell phone rings. Little Girl God: "That's him calling to tell you." Who needs Call Display when you've got Call Deity? Joan flips open her phone and stares at it. Little Girl God: "Aren't you going to answer it?" Joan: "This is not happening." Little Girl God tells her, "Mystery is just part of the deal, Joan." Sometimes it's even the best part. Joan: "Great! I'm going to close my eyes and count to ten." Little Girl God: "Good luck with that." Joan begins, but by the count of three, she's opening one eye to see if God's still there. She sighs and complains, "You are not real!" Little Girl God: "So people keep telling me." Joan stomps off as Little Girl God twirls her shiny blue ball and Avril Lavigne sings "Take Me Away." "All the pain / I thought I knew / All the thoughts lead back to you / Back to what / Was never said / Back and forth / Inside my head / I can't handle this confusion / I'm unable come and take me away…"
The Girardis are having a very glum evening meal in their dining room. Kevin, who seems to be the only person not excessively burdened with any worries, watches his family eating in silence and apathy. He puts his cutlery down noisily and announces, "Okay…I can't keep this to myself any longer: there are gonna be speed bumps installed on Peach Street. Two, possibly three. A lot more than my job is at jeopardy if this gets leaked." He manages to get small smiles from his father and mother. He asks who's next. Will claims it's the usual: "Serving…protecting…" He tosses the conversational ball to Helen, who claims she's just busy with back to school stuff. She asks about his thing. He says, "Fine. Joan?" Joan: "I don't have a thing. Luke is the one with the thing." Luke denies having a thing. Joan flings her fork onto the plate and asks, "Is this about me being crazy?" No one speaks. "Because I'm not crazy, and if everybody still feels like I am crazy, then maybe you should just send me back to Gentle Acres instead of tiptoeing around like I'm having visions from God or something, because I'm not." Will says no one's saying that. Her mother reassures her that she was never crazy: "Gentle Acres was a part of your physical therapy, a chance to rest and recover." Joan's about to break out in tears, and she asks, "May I be excused? I need to go to my normal room and do normal homework." She runs up the stairs.