Episode Report Card Keckler: F | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Kiss Me, Ingrate
By Keckler | Season 2 | Episode 11 | Aired on 12.10.2002
Captain's Mess. Hygiene Alien's beeper alerts him that all is not well. He dashes off, refusing T'Pol's offer to show him the way or to take him tonight to the river and wash his allusions away. In the alien cargo hold, Trip fights to open the pod as Pod White pounds and screams. She's got one BIG mouth -- sheer circumference-wise, not noise-level-wise. Hygiene Alien demands to know what he's doing, and Trip yells that she's suffocating. She'd have a lot more oxygen if she'd stop yelling. Finally, Trip gets the pod open, and we can see that Pod White is interested in a little bondage with her Prince Charming. That is, her wrists are bound in shackles. Trip helps her sit up and tries to explain what went wrong with her pod, but she swears at him in alienish. Hygiene Alien sneaks behind Trip and knocks him over the cosh with something heavy. You know, I can't believe how far this show has worked its way into my shell -- irritating every layer of my sensitive skin in the hopes of producing a pearl. I'm telling you, all it's going to produce is a boil. This week, I was watching The Four Musketeers and when Athos called out "Porthos!" all I could think of was The Dog. It's even ruining my classics!
Captain's Private Dining Room. Nervous Alien tries to shovel some spaghetti into his mouth, but is startled by his beeper going off. Nervous Alien turns away from the table and answers it. Hygiene Alien tells him there's a "minor problem" with which he's going to need Nervous Alien's assistance. T'Pol and Quantum look at each other, and Hygiene Alien jumps up from the table, saying, "I don't mean to be rude..." He runs out. Was it the fish? Quantum decides to contact Trip, but can't reach him, so he orders a security detail.
Nervous Alien is walking along the corridors when Reed intercepts him casually with a very large ensign at his side. Reed calmly introduces himself and tells him that Quantum asked him to escort the alien back to his ship. Nervous Alien protests that it's not necessary, but Reed tells him he's under orders. "Have I done something wrong?" Nervous Alien asks. "It's just a precaution," Reed tells him. Now, if you'll just step this way and take off your shoes -- are you wearing a belt? Can you undo the buckle, please? Nervous Alien snarks, "I never realized that leaving the Captain's table would cause so much concern!" Well, you know, Chef's sensitive -- right now, he's threatening never to make eggs again unless the alien cleans his plate of specially sauced Foreigner Fettuccini. Hygiene Alien steps out of his ship to greet Nervous Alien, sees the accompanying security detail, and fires at them. Reed and Big Guy return fire; Hygiene Alien runs back to his ship, closes the door, and undocks from Enterprise. I really liked Reed in this scene -- I thought the whole "Why don't you come with me, sir, and we'll talk it all out" tone of voice, as well as his well-timed interception of the alien, was smooth and quite comedic.