Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | 2 USERS: A YOU GRADE IT True South
By Jacob Clifton | Season 3 | Episode 5 | Aired on 10.23.2011
Peter: "Wait, so Grace is friends with her. That fills me with dread. How much does she have to suck to be friends with Grace."
Alicia: "That's the gist. I'll talk to her."
Peter: "Grace? Or the tutor?"
Alicia: "The tutor. I'm certainly not going to discuss this with Grace, that would be the normal, respectful thing to do. And I am feeling neither, these days. I miss when her only friend was Jesus. At least Jesus didn't have Tourette's, or whatever is going on with this tutor weirdo."
Peter: "Why don't we just hire another tutor without telling either of them, and then the tutor can quietly go away?"
Alicia: "Yeah, or I will just talk to her and ask her to stop being so weird. Flyswatter over bazooka."
Peter: "I'm not being a bazooka!"
Alicia: "No, just a whiner. What I meant was, I will do whatever it takes to make sure that Grace doesn't bitch at me any more than is absolutely necessary."
Peter: "I hear you there."
ALICIA'S JOB
Upside: David Lee is here! Downside: David Lee is a dick. Usually that's okay, because he's a dick to bad guys, but it turns out he's also scary to good guys, when he feels like being a dick. Attend: Once David's done bitching about his lack of conference room space -- "I'm like an itinerant farmer out here!" -- Will and David offer Alicia a fun new responsibility: Interviewing and hiring a new first-year associate.
Will: "But only one person for the one job. Don't, for example, hire both a MILF and an underwear model at the same time, or there will be probs. Trust."
Alicia: "I feel so validated and trusted that you gave me this responsibility! I have a new lease on life and feel my position in this firm is more secure than it has ever been. Thank you so much for respecting me as a person and an employee, and for soliciting my opinion. I can't wait to get started!"
Will & David: "As a bonus, to show you how important you are to this firm, you will also be mentoring whoever you hire."
Alicia, blushing: "That makes me feel like I am making good choices in my life. Clearly you value me a great deal."
David Lee: "Great, whatever. Now come talk to me about your divorce, in code."
Alicia, overjoyed: "Will, thank you so much for this grand opportunity! I can't wait to mentor some young person and teach them the way that Diane has always taught me."
Will: "Don't thank me, thank David Lee. I am still pretending to dislike you. Also, when this blows up in your face, I don't want you to think any of it was my idea."
Alicia: "Fuck me for hoping one single time in my life that anybody would honestly feel like I'm a human being, without any caveats. I mean, thanks."
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