Episode Report Card Jacob Clifton: A+ | 2 USERS: A YOU GRADE IT True South
By Jacob Clifton | Season 3 | Episode 5 | Aired on 10.23.2011
Celeste: "How about you, do you have female friends?"
Alicia: "...No."
Celeste: "See?"
Alicia: "No, I don't have any male friends either. I used to have a couple of each, but no."
Celeste: "That's so sad. I'd be your friend, but I can't. Because Will. I don't like you being with him. I'm gonna break you two up!"
Alicia: "Oh my God, why do I like this lady so much all of a sudden?"
Celeste: "I'ma break you up by telling you his secrets. I'm pretty sure that I'm the worst thing going, so anything I have in common with him will shrivel your nuts."
Alicia: "You have no idea the size of my rat. Go for it."
Celeste: "No, I can't actually, because I do like you. You are awesome."
Alicia: "You coward, you just feel like you built it up too much! If it's not the worst thing in the world, then you'll feel like a fool. I'm sure he hasn't buried any hobos in the desert."
Even drunk, she won't say "hooker." She'll say "hobo," a colloquialism that she just invented, but "hooker" is just a little too much for old Alicia.
Celeste: "Oh, that's ancient history anyway. And it was only $45,000. And he put it back."
Alicia: "You're so bad at this!"
But: Is she?
Celeste: "I know. I'm sorry. I'm transparent as cellophane!"
...But: Is she really?
Suddenly, Celeste spots a guy in the bar and decides to go have sex with him. Alicia's appropriately shocked, in that Kalinda way she used to be, but I don't know. I suddenly miss Celeste already.
Celeste: "Just remember, Will is like me. He'll always disappoint you."
SWEENEY
Long time getting Apeneck ready for the deal: This guy Garfield Park got hit last week and Pike needs to admit he ordered it, and then Sweeney's free and clear, assuming he lives through the next twenty minutes. He's not really feeling too trustworthy about the snipers or whatever, for a variety of reasons; he looks right at her when he says it.
"When things happen, Mrs. Florrick, they happen fast."
Continuing to blow the ASA and AUSA's minds, Alicia does her Horse Whispering thing about how she'll be right here the whole time, please don't get yourself killed, and once he's gone -- and making a real bad start at a convo with Pike -- she flutters her hands (not really, but Alicia's imperceptible version) and is already planning his funeral and it's really quite sweet.
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