Episode Report Card Deborah: B- | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Are You There, God? It's Me, Joan
By Deborah | Season 1 | Episode 18 | Aired on 03.11.2004
Luke's in his jammies on the sofa, watching TV. Joan brings a tray of stuff to him, but is distracted by his choice of programming: "What are you watching?" Luke mumbles, "It's about the Mars Rover." Joan insists that he watch Dr. Phil, and changes the channel. Yeah, watching Dr. Phil deliver his standard lecture to yet another bunch of unbelievably dysfunctional boobs should really help. ["Don't knock it 'til you've tried it, lady." -- Sars] Next, Joan wants to know what class work she needs to pick up for him. Luke is baffled to hear that Joan is going to do this for him. Joan: "Luke, I do come with a brain." Luke fishes out his PDA and starts babbling: "Monday…American History…get the notes from Thomas Jefferson…wait, Thomas Jefferson isn't a student. Okay, okay, Phys Ed…" Joan: "PE? Luke, all you do is run around and come in last. Get real." Luke starts muttering "no, no, no" over and over and shaking his head. Joan: "What?" Luke's head falls back on the pillow as he explains, "The scholarship deadline for space camp is today!" Joan: "Space camp?" Luke: "I haven't even typed my essay!" Kind of hard to believe he'd leave something like that until the last minute. He asks, "Where's my chemistry notebook?" Joan reminds him he lent it to Grace. Luke: "I lent it to…Grace?" Joan tells him to take it easy; she's seeing Grace this afternoon and will get it back for him by 5:00. Luke complains that she doesn't understand: his essay's in that notebook, and if he doesn't get it back by tonight, "No space camp, no scholarship, no summer with Glynis at Stanford!" Summer with Glynis? Yeesh. I don't know how he stands her for five minutes, frankly. Joan reassures him, as she writes a note on her hand: "Look, I'm writing it on my PalmPilot: 'Get lab notebook.' Okay? Watch Dr. Phil." She takes off as Luke regards the husky huckster of diets and direction: "He looks nice."
Will and Toni herd the cocky embezzler into an elevator already occupied by an extremely pregnant cleaning woman who appears to be Hispanic. We'll just call her Maria. Aren't all Hispanic cleaning women on TV named Maria? Dick claims, "You know, this company spends a half million just getting clients drunk at lunch." He greets Maria: "Hola." Pause. "Huge-o, huh?" What an asshat. Frink: "Hit him." She doesn't dignify this with a reply as the doors close. Two seconds later, the elevator falters and stops. Asshat: "Not again." Will: "What do you mean, 'not again'?" Asshat says the elevator's stuck and it happened last week: "Took 'em forever to fix it." Naturally, at this moment, the woman emits an "ai-eeeeee!" as her water breaks. Apparently it's fairly uncommon for water to break before any contractions have started; it seems to happen only in about 15 percent of pregnancies. But then, what are the odds of a woman going into labour in a stalled elevator? You know, not on TV. We get a shot of amniotic fluid pouring onto the floor, and everyone steps back. Asshat makes unhelpful and obvious remarks as Will tries to call for help. Toni sort of supports Maria as Asshat advises, "I wouldn't wait around for them. Those guys take very long lunches." The woman continues uttering exclamations of pain and surprise as Will pushes buttons futilely.