Episode Report Card Jessica: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Living Dead Girl
By Jessica | Season 6 | Episode 6 | Aired on 10.29.2002
So, Dawson chases "the ghost" all over the party. Up onto the electrical grid, all around the catwalk, and so forth. Sadly, he does not trip and fall to his death. Instead, he looks down at the party and sees Natasha and Todd kissing. His nostrils flare wildly, and he stomps downstairs and flings open the door to Natasha's faux bedroom all angrily. The room, of course, is full of people, and Natasha and Todd aren't kissing at all. Natasha turns to him and wonders what's wrong with him. Dawson says nothing, so she and Todd shrug and go back to talking. Dawson makes a conflicted, confused face and leaves the room. Just outside the door, his cell phone rings: it's the Editing Guy -- let's call him Pepe -- asking him to come down to the Avids to check something out.
Cut to Dawson and Pepe in the editing bay. See, Pepe's found more "ghost" footage in the dallies. He had to show Dawson immediately! Doesn't poor Pepe get to go to the party? Has he been locked in his editing bay and forbidden to leave? Anyway, the new fake footage is, at the very least, fairly extensive fake footage, in which "Melanie Ray" (who might as well be wearing a shirt that says, "My Name Is Natasha" on it) is strangled by her jealous husband. On the street. In the rain. Eventually, a bunch of gaffers and grips in period outfits run onto the set and drag her Jealous, Murderous Husband away. Pepe peers at Dawson. He closes his eyes. I think he's crying! Dawson, I mean, not Pepe. Pepe's never felt better.
Later, Dawson tracks down Natasha. After a perfunctory compliment regarding her costume, he starts grilling her about Melanie Ray, Fake Dead Actress. He wonders why Ms. Ray had an affair, as she was a married lady and married ladies never have affairs. You know, except for his own mother. "Maybe they had a shot, maybe he blew it," Natasha says. Dawson sputters that maybe "she didn't give him enough of a chance." Natasha decides to cut through the subtext and asks Dawson if this is his way of asking if she's having an affair with Todd. If it is, she says, it's none of his business. Dawson lies that he wasn't insinuating anything of the sort. Natasha laughs that Dawson "isn't very good with the subtext." Subtext? This show barely has text. Natasha tells Dawson that he has no right to be jealous. Dawson sputters that he's not jealous. "Uh-huh. Just keep telling yourself that, sweetie," she says, and flounces off.
Elsewhere in Boston, Oliver and Joey comb the town looking for the missing Harley. Joey's freaking, as usual. "Everything was going just fine until you had to go and kiss me!" she yells. That's so romantic. Oliver wonders how this can possibly be his fault. "I'll accept your apology and we can move on," Joey says. Oliver points out that if Joey wants to get technical about it, she kissed him first. Which makes it her fault. What grade are these two in, again? "Shut up and make yourself useful," Joey spits, and wonders where he would be if he were a teenage girl. Cue the "If I Were A Teenage Girl I Would Never Leave The House Because I Would Be Playing With My Boobies All Day" speech. Of course, the reality is that most teenage girls never play with their boobies, because they're too busy obsessing over whether or not said boobies are too small or too big or uneven. Teenage girls have issues. I'm just saying. Oliver points out that it's all Flip-Flops's fault, really. "He's the one who was supposed to take her to the movies," he says. A light bulb goes on over Joey's head; she hugs him, calls him a "genius," and runs off.