Episode Report Card Jessica: C+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Living Dead Girl
By Jessica | Season 6 | Episode 6 | Aired on 10.29.2002
We cut to Jack and David, who watch Blandy and Jen from afar. "This is making me sad," Jack says, especially since he's the one who convinced Jen to invite Blandy to the party. "Trust me, she's better off," David says. Jack furrows his brow, but David explains that "it's a long story." Jack wonders if they can discuss it some time, say, over coffee? David thinks this is a great idea. Hey, Jack has a date! That rocks! Yay, Jack! Maybe we'll get our gay kiss this year. Hey, the homoeroticism works for Smallville. ["Yeah, but it's a lot more 'erotic' when the so-called gay character isn't terrified of getting physical with his male co-stars. Right, Kerr?" -- Sars] Eventually, Blandy and Jen come up, and the foursome say their goodbyes and go their separate ways. Jack asks Jen how "it went." Jen twitters that Blandy is playing hard to get. "But no worries, he'll be mine," she says. Jack just looks sad before taking a deep breath and suggesting that they go home.
Liberty Hell's Kitchen. Joey and Harley are playing pool when Flip-Flops arrives. Apparently his date told him he had a toxic personality. "Is that bad?" he wonders. Whatever. This plot is boring. Flip-Flops finally collects Harley, who apologizes to Joey for being "such an über-bitch." Joey tells her that she can't stop hoping for Flip-Flops to turn around. "You're too young to be so bitter," she tells Harley. Oh, Pot! Kettle's on the phone! Harley just walks off, but eventually turns around to tell Joey that Oliver, like, totally likes her. "Hope a guy like him looks at me that way someday," Harley says, warning Joey not to mess it up. Joey nods. Harley leaves. A) Gag me. B) I think I'm drooling, I'm so bored.
Finally, Oliver comes back, carrying a root beer float for Harley. He and Joey decide to split it, especially after Oliver cracks that he wouldn't want perfectly good ice cream to go the way of his "potential." Heh. They share the float. Joey asks him what's going on with them, what with all the kissing and all. "We're not dating," he laughs at her. "Oh, God, no," she agrees. Oliver tells her that he's not going back to class, either. Joey shrugs and says that's fine. She lies that she has no desire to change him. "You know, Joey, I have no idea what's going on between us. And I kinda like it that way," Oliver says. Joey agrees. They drink their float. That's sort of cute, in a 1958 kind of way.
One day, this will all be over. Pacey finally finds Audrey outside. He says he's been looking all over for her. "Is everything okay?" he asks. Audrey looks up at him, all teary. "I think we should break up, Pacey," she says. "What?" Pacey asks. She has no response, so Pacey suggests that they "sleep on it" and talk about it in the morning. Audrey makes a face. "No. This is what I want," she says. Pacey sadly tells her that "this is not how [he] wanted this to happen." Audrey glares at him. "SHUT UP PACEY," Audrey yells. "JUST SHUT UP, OKAY? You are getting off easy here and you know it," she tells him. "I am not going to let you put up some false protest so you feel better about yourself. I am ending it now." Pacey rolls his eyes and sighs. "That's how I know that it's over," Audrey says. "You didn't say a word, Pacey. Not a word. Because you don't have the energy to fight it. And I deserve better than that." Whatever, you spoiled little brat. Pacey's a nice guy who's working hard for a living and trying to do the best he can. Also, I hate you now. Nevertheless, Pacey agrees that she deserves better than him. I think he just wants to get this over with and escape from her. Audrey spits angrily that Pacey's just following "the script," the way she expected. "How many empty words is it going to take for you to be able sleep easy at night?" she asks. This, at last, makes Pacey mad, and he demands to know what she wants from him. "You know that's not how it is. But the negativity gets to me, too. So I agree with you," he sighs. "Don't you dare try to make yourself feel noble, Pacey!" Audrey yells. "You are NOT some knight in shining armor. You are just a guy who has grown tired of screwing the same girl and you feel guilty about it." Audrey, by the way, has two enormous zits on her forehead. She's had a gigantic pimple in every episode this season, and not once has the make-up crew covered them entirely. What is wrong with her complexion? I'd crack that it must be drugs, but I think that's bad complexion karma and I need all the beauty help I can get. Pacey makes a disgusted face. "You think that sucks?" Audrey weeps, her make-up going everywhere. "Why don't you try being the one who has to wonder why all the people that she loves don't love her back?" she wails. Oh, Moses, smell the roses! Go to therapy, Audrey, and shut your giant yap. "Oh, Audrey, come on," Pacey begins, and reaches for her. But she hauls back and smacks him across the face, hard. Pacey just sighs, again, and rolls his eyes, again. Audrey bursts into further false tears. I wish she would burst into flames. Why does everyone in his show have to get all angsty and complicated? Can't anyone start out entertaining and, you know, stay that way? Pacey rubs his face as Audrey sobs and The Sad, Sad Piano Of Doomed Relationships Finally Destroyed At Last sings in the background. Wow, that was great fun!
Dawson and Natasha sneak back onto the 1970s bedroom set. "Still mad at me?" she asks. Dawson explains that he wasn't mad, he was "insanely jealous." He looks at his feet. "I don't think I realized how much I wanted to be with you until I thought you were sleeping with Todd," he says. Natasha smiles. "Say it again," she coos. "What, that I was jealous?" he asks. "No, that you like me," Natasha says. I sort of like Natasha, too. I'm sure they'll destroy her by the end of the season. Dawson smiles. "I like you, Natasha. I really like you," he tells her. Natasha smiles that she believes him. "A lot of people walk in and out of my life," she says, "and you may not believe me, because I'm an actor and I lie for a living, but you're one of the only people I want to stick around." Dawson admits that he doesn't know what to believe. "I love my life," he says, then launches into that whole boring Living The Dream thing. "I can't help but feel like it's all an illusion," he tells her. "Like it's all just one moment away from ending forever." Natasha points out that, actually, it is; this could be her last job, we could all die in an earthquake, Dawson could catch the Hanta virus and die, yadda yadda yadda. They kiss. "God, I missed you," Natasha tells him. Dawson pulls her into his arms as she tells him that she always wanted him back. He just had to pay for his mistakes first. But now? They're just about even. Well, bully for them. Anyway, Dawson lays her down on the bed, and the camera totally focuses on his bald spot, which is delightful. He repeats the lines from the movie, as seen in this episode's opening scene: "Are you sure about this?" he asks. "As sure as I've ever been about anything in my entire life," Natasha retorts, smiling. "Groovy," Dawson coos. They make out. Behind them, the door opens and someone walks in with an axe. We all go to the credits hoping against hope that next week will open with the aftermath of a bloodbath.