Episode Report Card Gustave: B+ | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Blondes and Bombshells
By Gustave | Season 2 | Episode 1 | Aired on 10.28.2002
Back at NSA, Palmer sends for Eric Rayburn. There's a "casualty assessment" report missing. KreepyEric promises to get it to him in ten minutes, and asks Palmer if they can talk to the Pentagon about what they've learned. Palmer doesn't want to discuss retaliation at this time. KreepyEric reminds Palmer that the Prime Minister of Fauxraqistan was lying about the terrorists in his country. Palmer realizes that the PM of F was lying, but still doesn't want to hold the government of Fauxraqistan responsible for this recent act of terrorism until they know more. "Right now, my only concern is protecting Americans," says Palmer. "Somewhere in Los Angeles, there's a terrorist with his finger on the trigger and we've got stop him."
Meanwhile, as Palmer is talking about terrorists in L.A., the screen splits to reveal a handsome Middle-Eastern-looking man driving a Ford Mustang Convertible and "speaking Farsi" (according to the closed captioning) to someone on his cell phone. He pulls up to an opulent L.A. home, ends the conversation, parks, and approaches the house, whose sunny grassy grounds look like the setting for a J. Crew catalogue photo shoot. Then they do one of those 24-style fake-outs where you think he's sneaking up on this blonde girl -- who looks like a poor man's Renee Zellweger -- in order to abduct her, because the music is all eerie and suspenseful, but in fact they turn out to know each other and he's just playfully surprising her. Actually, he's her fiancé. PoorMan'sReneeZellweger's sister enters, played by Sarah Wynter, one of those doomed actresses who had the misfortune of winding up on the cover of Vanity Fair in one of those Hollywood issues, only to never be heard from again until she surfaced just now as eye candy on a Fox show. I think that one of the reasons that Sarah Wynter never found much work is because she looks too much like Cate Blanchett, and Cate ended up getting all of the parts that Sarah was up for. So PoorMan'sCateBlanchett teases the couple about their friskiness, and brings on some expository dialogue about how their wedding is just ten episodes…I mean, "hours" away, and there appears to be a problem with the flowers. PoorMan'sReneeZellweger runs off to see about the flower problem, leaving FarsiBoy and PoorMan'sCateBlanchett alone to chat. It comes up that FarsiBoy has sent the J. Crew family's company car to pick up his cousin at the airport. PoorMan'sCateBlanchett seems concerned, but doesn't say anything. Papa J. Crew, a dashing older guy whose hair doesn't match his beard, enters and does a little male bonding with FarsiBoy, his future son-in-law, who exits to go help "fix the fountain." PoorMan'sCateBlanchett pulls Papa J. Crew aside and expresses her concern to him that FarsiBoy is using the resources of the family business to do his personal errands. She also brings up the fact that he uses the condo in Palm Springs and often takes "days off." Papa J. Crew accuses PoorMan'sCateBlanchett of not trusting FarsiBoy because he's "middle Eastern." PoorMan'sCateBlanchett denies being racist and claims that it's "something else" about FarsiBoy that makes her suspicious, but she can't say what. They laugh off PoorMan'sCateBlanchett's suspicions together. "Maybe I'm just having a hard time letting go of my sister," she says, tilting her head and showing off her capped teeth. Oh, and then they exposit over the fact that PoorMan'sCateBlanchett and PoorMan'sReneeZellweger's mom is dead, but would have been so happy to have seen PoorMan'sReneeZellweger get married.