Episode Report Card Djb: A | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Oh, Crap!
By Djb | Season 4 | Episode 2 | Aired on 06.19.2004
Keith and his two colleagues sit at the hotel bar. Are they off-duty? Are they mingling? Are they chauvinistic mongoloids? Perhaps they are some or all. Keith's colleagues ogle every passing woman, saying things of the "I'd fuck her" and "Me too" and "I'd tap that ass" varieties. Keith stays quiet for as long as possible, but when a leggy woman walks by, he stumbles over the line, "I'd definitely tap that...ass." He washes that sentiment down with a gulp of a drink that might as well come with a big pink umbrella and the lyric sheet to "Everybody Dance Now."
Brenda and Joe play just like a normal couple would, lying on Brenda's couch and making with the kissy. Brenda pushes him off and reminds him that they will continue to sleep in separate beds until such time as they end of ninety days, which she calls her "good, healthy period of rehabilitation." She tells him that, just once, she wants to get to know someone before she sleeps with him. He walks sadly to the door and tells her, "I'm gonna go across the courtyard, I'm gonna count to ninety-one, and I'm gonna masturbate." Awwwww. If only this were the world from before he said that.
Rico and Vanessa sit across from eat other at a pizza place/arcade thing fighting about how Rico didn't finish his pizza. One of his kids comes over and asks for money, which I thought he wasn't going to be able to produce on account of his spending it all on his single mother hooker bride living on the other side of the pole. They quarrel further, Rico telling her that he's been "distracted," and Vanessa trying to break the tension first in noting, "This is Shakey's Pizza night. It's supposed to be fun!" Rico lies that he's having fun, and when she calls him a "lying sack of shit," he rounds on her soundly with the snappy rejoinder, "Hey, you didn't have much of anything to talk to me about for six fuckin' months. Can I be distracted for one night?" Oh, dear. They're going to have to get Mr. E. Cheese to step in and moderate their domestic squabbles, and that will be embarrassing for the children.
It's the guy! The guy from Buffy! The guy who is consigned to a life of typecasting as a meek loser who is beaten up by strong women and isn't gay but is maybe wading in ankle deep to the wave pool at Six Flags Slightly Gay Adventure. This time, we catch up with him in the middle of being the man at the lesbian open mic night, which you only want to be if you are now a man and thinking of not being a man or, somehow, vice versa. He stands on stage, fidgeting nervously that the hegemony is going to judge him, and speaks poetry: