Episode Report Card Djb: A | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Oh, Crap!
By Djb | Season 4 | Episode 2 | Aired on 06.19.2004
Your clitoris
Hot, burning, wet pinkness
I wasn't the first
And I won't be the last
The crack of the world for all to explore
Except for me
Been there, done that
He pauses monumentally at the end before announcing, "That's the end," and a conciliatory clap goes up around the place while the owners huddle around the vegan muffin bar trying to figure out if it wouldn't be in the intended spirit of socialist lesbian collective to maybe get someone to install a gong.
And then, Mena Suvari. Smartly, someone has thought to install bangs. And though tiny adventurers ride down them wearing barrels just for the thrill of it, they're better than nothing. She waltzes onto the stage and sets up a chintzy-looking Casio keyboard like she's going to set it on Bossa Nova and not move until the "drum fill" button is geniusly pressed, but such Andy Kaufman-esque hijinks would probably be eschewed for the greater good of each artist making her (or "hyr") point. She asks the audience if they can make a "rule" for open mic night, snarking, "No more angry poems or songs with clitoral or vaginal references in them. Unless you have one." Oh, she's so tough and bad! Anyway, I give her six weeks and out. Edie -- I think they bothered to give her character a name, and isn't that aDORable! -- opens with a one-line poem about a penis that I'll spare you because I think we should make a rule for open mic night that there are no more angry poems or songs with penis-y references in them. Unless you have one. She then segues into her darker material. She hits a button on the keyboard that makes it start playing spacey ethereal jams brought to you by the band that didn't quite make it, Zero-6, I guess, and speaks over it, "My mom has cancer and she's really angry, even though she's been smoking three packs a day for forty years." She hits a button on the keyboard and a gravely voice, not unlike that of one of Marge Simpson's sisters, growls, "Edie." Edie and her mother engage in a call and response, until Edie cries out that her mother does not, in fact, have cancer, but that "she's just a fucking victim who's never taken a chance in her life." The voice continues on, "I wish I was dead." And then they yell and she yells and Claire is all very inspired by what is dark and sad.
Sheedy Funeral, viewing room one. Nate approaches the casket, and Mrs. Sheedy opens her eyes and wiggles her tongue suggestively. Just then, Mr. Sheedy approaches and thanks Nate for making her look so beautiful, adding, "Well...you and Dod." David appears from seeming nowhere to step in, answering diplomatically, "That's our job. Me and my associates. Not me and God." Nate asks after Mr. Sheedy's mental state, and he replies, "Quite well." This answer does not please Nate, who tells him, "It's okay for you to be angry." He vents that it's a part of the grieving process and that Mr. Sheedy has to feel it, and Sheedy responds that God chose this path for Dorothy. Nate all but screams that someone should be angry that Sheedy will have a child who will never have a mother, and David does angry just fine by pulling Nate into that anterior chamber room where people get to be noisier than that small curtain would imply if they don't have time to do a whole scene change.