Episode Report Card Sobell: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Teddy And His Telephone
By Sobell | Season 3 | Episode 3 | Aired on 09.30.2007
Back in Lechero's suite, everyone's hanging around and chillin' like villains. T-Bag prods them all to start moseying down to the barber's, and then the next step in his crafty scheme goes as planned when Lechero decides to leave his phone in the cradle to charge. T-Bag pockets the phone as he goes.
We see T-Bag hand off the phone to Michael, warning him, "You got twenty-six minutes until he gets back. If that phone ain't back in the cradle, we're both dead, you hear me -- 'cause my Alabama ass is not going down alone!" Then he hustles off to rejoin his posse.
Michael promptly calls Linc and tells him to tell Dr. Sara to call him at this number. Linc tries to temper Michael's expectations -- "This Susan chick, she hasn't even agreed to it yet" -- but Scofield's having none of it: "Get her on the line! Get her on the line! This is a one-shot deal." Linc continues to walk over to meet Dr. Sara, unaware that Sofia is tailing him.
And now, the semi-comic interlude of the night. Bellick limps over to the drag queen's cell -- turns out she's the barber -- and tells her, "It looks like we got off on the wrong foot." The barber -- who has a flawless manicure, which is surely a hint as to heretofore unrevealed superpowers, given what a cesspit Sona is -- ignores Bellick as he rambles on, "I'm not a violent guy. I just need that shoe. I can't hardly walk, and this place...changes people." Changes them into guys who are desperate to sleep with drag queens for footwear? Is that where we're going with this, Bradley? We learn that the barber's name is Pistachio, and Bellick limps into the cell, saying, "Pistachio...that's a beautiful name." Pistachio would like to know what Bellick wants, and Bellick says, "I was hoping we could make a deal -- a trade." Pistachio gives him the once-over and says, "The only thing you got to sell, I don't want to buy. I like my men a little more...how you say? No fat?" Absurdly, this hurts Bellick's he-man ego: "Fat? This is all muscle! And I'd prove it to you if I didn't think you'd take things south of the border." Wha...huh? Did Bellick expect just to have to cuddle with Pistachio to get that shoe? Pistachio whips out a blade as a way of dismissing Bellick -- his 2 o'clock appointment is here. The way Lechero sits down, something tells me he will not be gabbing away in the hairdresser's chair.
Meanwhile, on the outside...Susan B. tries to get all quippy with Linc, but he's not having it: "It's become pretty clear you need us. So stop pretending you're in charge and give us what we want, when we want it, starting with the damn phone call."