Episode Report Card Sobell: B | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Teddy And His Telephone
By Sobell | Season 3 | Episode 3 | Aired on 09.30.2007
The answer: the dumb ones try for the shoes, and only succeed in wresting one away from what appears to be Sona's only drag queen. The drag queen squares her shoulders, thrusts out her bra, and says, "You're asking for a chicken foot, my friend. You want the show, you're going to have to come and get it. [Finger snap.]" Bellick stares in horror as he realizes that he's in very real danger of getting his ass kicked by a B-cup with a beard.
We then cut to Lechero's hangout. Michael rolls on in, and Lechero's flunkies get all het up -- which I kind of can't take seriously, because one of them looks like Trouty from My Boys, except with the kind of lame-ass hairdo that is surely the Aughties' answer to the mullet, all shaved on the bottom and a layer of hair on top with which to make a shiny ponytail. I see those hairdos, and I always imagine that the people who got them mused, "I am drawn to the fear and extremism that skinhead-like hair denotes, but I can't deny my yearning to rock the metal hair. Why not do both?" Because you look like a tool, that's why. And here I am, having wandered off-topic. Yanking it back in: Lechero lets Michael know that he's not bleeding on the floor only thanks to his good graces. Michael stolidly says, "I just want to express my thanks for Whistler." Lechero smacks Michael down with "I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about." Michael recovers and asks if they can maybe make a working arrangement, and says he can help out. Lechero makes a magnificent miscalculation: not only does he reject Michael's offer, but his chest-pounding alpha male speech makes it clear that he missed the whole point. So Michael now knows that Lechero is not nearly so effective a long-range thinker as he thinks he is. And Lechero -- who is king of a crumbling infrastructure -- has just turned down help from a structural engineer.
Michael then rolls on out to visit with Linc. His older brother takes one look at him and sympathetically says, "That bad, huh?" Michael says, "It's not good. You?" Linc fills him in on the events in last week's episode, so now Michael knows that Linc's got the guidebook, and that Whistler claims to be a fisherman of some sort. Michael's frankly skeptical. So Linc moves on to Item B on his agenda: sharing the Polaroid of Dr. Sara. Michael reels, and then grabs the photo. Linc calls his attention to the way Dr. Sara's holding the paper. Michael stammers, "It's too small -- I can't read it." Linc has helpfully brought along a copy of that same paper, and tells Michael that Dr. Sara is pointing at Santa Rita, a small town some twenty miles away from Sona. For some reason, this really gets to Michael. He's practically as teary as Sucre when he says, "She's trying to tell us where she is. I have to talk to her, Linc." Linc is all, "You realize you have no reasonable expectation of privacy, right?" Michael lays it out for Linc: he's been trying to come up with an escape plan for three days and he's got nothing, so if L.J. and Dr. Sara are to get out alive, it'll be because Lincoln went and got them.